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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this bad parenting?

73 replies

LazyLockdown · 23/04/2020 08:33

So dd's routine for a while has made it so by the time she's up, had breakfast, washed, dressed, etc. She has about only 30 minutes maximum before she has her next nap. I've been letting her play on her own for those few minutes, while I have some time on social media, or catch up tv. Both perfectly happy with that routine.

Now over the last couple of weeks, her nap routine has changed. Those "free" 30 minutes have turned in around an hour and a half. Ordinarily I would be happy about this and we'd get out in the morning, park or grab some shopping. But obviously that's not really ideal at the moment. So we've kept our routine, Dd will play alone on the floor and I'll have some lazy time basically.

I've just jokingly asked dd's dad if it's wrong to do this for an hour and a half every morning and he's seriously replied "Yes, you need to be supervising her properly."
It's not like dd is shoved in a play pen and ignored, I'm still watching her, talking to her, stopping her from chasing the cats, breastfeeding if she asks. I'm just not actively sat on the floor playing? She gets loads of proper one on one time for the rest of the day.

So am I being a shit lazy parent mumsnet?

OP posts:
Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 23/04/2020 08:35

How old is your daughter? She plays alone!? Wow that’s amazing my DC are toddlers and never play alone! If she’s happy and safe (you can see her) then I see no issue with her playing alone.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 23/04/2020 08:36

I think it’s great she has that skill to play alone! Don’t listen to him

Funkyslippers · 23/04/2020 08:36

As long as she gets 1:1 time with you like you said, what's the problem? You're not leaving her for this time and it's important for her to play by herself for a bit. I hope you told him that she IS being supervised properly!

Original poster
LazyLockdown · 23/04/2020 08:36

Oops should of said she's 12 months.

OP posts:
WhatExit · 23/04/2020 08:36

It sounds like your DD is a baby. If so that is a great routine. Babies are constantly learning about the world around them. If your child is bored she will let you know. The only thing I would watch is to make sure she doesn't have much (if any) exposure to screens. Other than that you do not need to make work for yourself by "entertaining" her.

Knocksomesense · 23/04/2020 08:37

I've done this since my two were babies. Mine are now 2 and 3 and can entertain themselves for a while. It's brilliant

Keeva2017 · 23/04/2020 08:38

Really? You’re devoting every second to providing her with creative educational play? Hang your head in shame.

There will come a time when she’s wanting more attention from you in that time. Until then get yourself another brew and scroll your social media to your hearts content. Her dad is misguided.

WhyCantIthinkOfAgoodOne · 23/04/2020 08:38

She needs 1:1 time with you too where you actively sit on the floor and play but if she gets that and is capable of playing alone and is not being ignored when she asks for your attention then it's fine.

Mythica · 23/04/2020 08:40

So you ARE supervising her? Just not playing with her at that precise time.

That's the routine she's used to anyway. Sounds ok to me.
Out of interest, what does HE do with her?

saffy1234 · 23/04/2020 08:41

What you are doing is great @LazyLockdown

sunshineanddaffodils · 23/04/2020 08:42

No don’t become a helicopter parent. Your routine sounds perfect.

Original poster
LazyLockdown · 23/04/2020 08:44

Great thanks everyone! Time for another cup of tea then Grin

OP posts:
raspberryk · 23/04/2020 08:44

Yes what does her dad do with her?

You could get out for a walk in that time if you wanted, or you could just do what you're doing which is perfectly fine. It's good for kids to entertain themselves.

BubblesBuddy · 23/04/2020 08:45

I did engage with my children at that age. I didn’t have social media or catch up tv back then. Yes they played but I read to them, I talked to them and we did do play together. They learn from contact with adults so just playing on her own is not giving her what she needs to develop. Who tells her about colours, reads little books to her, shows her pictures so she learns words? If you separate from her she’s not learning language. This is vital to do well at school and it’s never too early to start! So do a bit of both. In my view not doing anything with DD for 1.5 hours is pretty hands off!

katmarie · 23/04/2020 08:45

From as soon as ds was able to sit up and grab at toys, we've popped him down on the floor to play independently, with supervision, and now hes 2, hes very happy to play independently, as well as having a brilliantly developing imagination. It's good for kids to have a mix of parent interaction and independent play.

peajotter · 23/04/2020 08:46

There will come a time when she doesn’t nap any more and you’ll be very glad that she can do independent play. It’s one of the best life skills you can encourage at that age imo.

Changedname78 · 23/04/2020 08:46

I feel so strongly about this.

You are a parent, not a play mate.
Kids do well learning to occupy themselves and it’s a great life skill!! It’s playing Alone that really brings out their imagination, plus at 12 months she’ll be learning from everything. Children also need happy parents, that is so important, If an hour or so a day watching tv makes you happy then you do it, your child will not suffer. Please don’t beat yourself up about it

MsChatterbox · 23/04/2020 08:47

I would say you absolutely do not want to spend all her waking moments playing with her. There's nothing better than a child that can decide what to do when they're bored and can happily entertain themselves! If it makes you feel better my son woke up ridiculously early this morning (4:40). So so far that's 4 hours of him entertaining himself with playmags, megablocks, his teddies, puzzles etc whilst I have felt like I'm dying on the couch (31 weeks pregnant and not much sleep before he decided to wake!) he's 2.5 years old. I think I would have been in tears through exhaustion if he needed entertaining the whole time he's been up.

Changedname78 · 23/04/2020 08:48

@BubblesBuddy that is genuinely this biggest pile of shit I’ve ever read. 1.5 hours, out of the say 12 they are awake ?? Will not do them any damage and is certainly not ‘hands off’ Christ almighty.

BubblesBuddy · 23/04/2020 08:49

Who said being a parent wasn’t exhausting!? Yes. It’s hard work.

CecilyP · 23/04/2020 08:50

I don’t know why you asked him. It is quite unusual for a baby that age to be able to entertain themselves for so long but as she does, you might as well take advantage of it. What does he do with her?

SacramentoQueen · 23/04/2020 08:53

It’s really important for children’s development that they learn to play alone. She is developing her creativity and imagination. If she is also getting lots of attention and engagement at other points in the day it sounds like you are doing a great job OP

sallysparrow157 · 23/04/2020 08:53

I read on a random parenting page on Instagram that, as well as fostering independence etc, allowing your baby/toddler to play alone when they are happy doing so, rather than interrupting their play so you can impose your play ideas on them is a way of being respectful of your child. I have 6 month old twins so they do at times have to amuse themselves as I’m dealing with the other one, and, as you have found, have times in the day as part of their routine where they’re happy to amuse themselves for a bit.
So I’m reassuring myself that I’m actually being a good and respectful parent whilst I drink tea, eat toast and continue to browse random parenting sites to pick and choose bits which fit in with what I’m already doing so I can convince myself I’m parenting adequately!!

recycledbottle · 23/04/2020 08:55

I dont see anything wrong with this other than you may have a judgy DH.

Buzlightyear1 · 23/04/2020 08:55

Honestly no. U are looking after her she is not running round by herself not being watched. You also do 1 to 1 time. Don't forget kids need to learn to play by themselves they aslo want time by themselves . I have a 3 year old I've always done this maybe not for an 1 hour and half BT that's cause he intruputs me.😂. He's a happy healthu boy u do need some time for yourself to