What type of house do you live in - kids' behaviour (neighbours)

[Belledan1]

Do you think if you lived in a detached house,(currently live in semi/flat/terraced) your child would be more well behaved and do as they are told? Are you in a detached house, do your kids follows the rules?

I don't want this to be a parent thrashing thread, I know if i was stricter with my teenage child when younger could have perhaps nipped some of this in the bud. DC very cheeky and defiant to myself and DH, good outside for others. Live semi detached, Had issues with DC not doing as told. Neighbours complained one day of noise they can hear. (Yes i know i should not have shouted). They have 2 kids now so get some noise back. But it does make me very conscious of punishments now and think if I was in a detached house i would be more strict and not perhaps let some behaviour go. I was just wondering if some of the people on here who seem to say their kids do as they are told and follow routine have no neighbours??

Onynx - thank you this is exactly what I mean and should have explained it like that.

Ive always lived in a terrace and my children are well behaved, I've never let it alter my discipline methods or given in to tantrums because of it. But then I'm the type who will just carry a screaming toddler under my arm through the checkout and carry on like nothings happening.

Peajotter that's how i feel the same as you. Your right i should not care really. Its hard isn't it having children that have meltdowns.

I don't think discipline is all about punishments. Being able to be noisy and shout won't help create a calm environment. In fact it could often escalate conflict. If there is a lot of shouting and meltdowns I think sometimes it is appropriate to think about picking your battles. The aim is to be on the same page, to show your D.C. you are on their side so you can have shared goals.

Tbh living in a detached house does also give me the freedom to scream into a pillow from time to time without he neighbours thinking I'm a looney as well and I know for certain that this helps

Veryvery yes that is what I am trying to do now to choose my battles.

I get it OP. When I had DS1 we were in a 1 bed flat and our offer on a house fell through which left us scrambling and starting our search again. I was so conscious of noise DS1 used a dummy longer than I would have liked (which was not at all), I didn't sleep train as I was scared of the noise. I do think if it had extended into toddlerhood, I would have been torn into giving him what he wanted to avoid tantrums and noise instead of being firmer. Once we moved I wasnt so conscious about noise and stuck to my guns, and did not have any tolerance for bad behaviour or tantrums, but had I been stuck in a tiny flat longer I'm pretty sure to avoid annoying the neighbours with noise, I would have given into a lot more. This doesn't mean people in flats will have more badly behaved children it means I was anxious about inconsiderate and wrongly over compensated as most people regardless of their type of house raise decent, polite children. I just struggled in that environment

I think my first post came over all wrong I meant not giving in to meltdowns if I was detached as now worry about noise.

Hi OP I was thinking the exact same thing today. DS has just turned 2 and is pushing boundaries left, right and centre. We are semi detached and to be honest the neighbours the other side are very close as well.

I can never stick to my intention of ignoring tantrums because if he shouts for longer than 20 seconds I get a text from our next door neighbour (only one of them- the other side are lovely and only ever say what a happy little boy he seems) asking what's wrong, is he ill, he's a handful isn't he. She also goes round to other houses on the street trying to gossip about us which I hear about as she is widely disliked.

So what this means in practice is- if he shouts for a biscuit I give him a bloody biscuit as it makes him quiet and I don't get grief from next door. I dream of having a detached house and being a more disciplined mum!!

@Belledan1 are you me? We live in a semi and have a very volatile 7 year old and a 3 year old with no volume control. We have had so many issues with the neighbours, them banging on the walls when my eldest was younger and having tantrums etc, they even called the police after one episode of dd1 having a meltdown. It’s made Dh and i very noise aware, we’re constantly shushing them, even when it’s normal playing noise we are too harsh and I hate the type of parent I have become. We dream of moving to a detached property where we can let our kids be kids without us constantly on at them to ‘walk like ninjas’

I used to live in a terrace, when I heard my next door neighbours shouting at their kids I used to feel happy that it wasn't just mine :o

This is a weird question. As long as you're not giving your neighbours cause to ring the NSPCC, carry on with whatever you think is necessary!

I would think the exact opposite (been there)
You are more conscious of the noise and much stricter when you have direct neighbours, whilst you can be a lot more relax in a detached where it doesn't matter so much.

I am much more strict and a lot more likely to shout in public than I am at home personally.

Tbh if a teenager is set on having some sort of protest meltdown, then they would be equally capable of creating the same amount of havoc in a detached house. It could be worse as they would be conscious of no close neighbours to complain.

I think you need to unpick what is causing the behaviour and tackle your teen's thought processes surrounding the issues in question. This goes beyond just thinking of disciplining and sanctions which only really serve to give an added deterrent if the natural consequences of negative actions aren't immediate enough to be sufficiently motivating. However if the natural consequences of negative behaviours are well understood and the teenagers is on board with them, the need for sanctions is diminished. Then you just need to support them in finding ways to help them achieve the desirable behaviours.

Thanks for the replies and I am glad that some people feel same way as I do and I am sorry you have gone through it. Our neighbours now have twins who are very vocal and 2 dogs so we get a bit noise back which i don't mind at all. I am just still very conscious that DCs meltdowns sound terrible.

I live in a detached house but it doesn't make me more \strict based on my house 😂, I'm quite firm definitely not shouty but I don't tolerate rudeness or bad behaviour .. I usually give them a chore or 2 to do for rudeness , if they are ever physical with each other fighting , it wouldbe something like 3 chores plus no Xbox /laptop for a week this is rare though , neither have ever hit our youngest , my eldest is 11 then 9 &4 obviously my 4 year olds punishments are much less severe and more like talking though what he's done wrong ext as he's only little but generally my children are very well behaved but I do think it's because I won't except bad behaviour and I stop and deal with it straight away , as does my husband but he does occasionally shout (which I tell him off for), I can't believe the way some children speak to there parents it's shocking , my children wouldn't dream of it and neither would I have x

I am getting help for my parenting as in picking my battles and his controlling behaviour. Just can be emotionally hard sometimes.

This is all fascinating. It has never occurred to me to try and stop, minimise or prevent normal children's noise. To my mind if you live close to neighbours, yes, you will hear noises from them and that's just a part of life. I wouldn't let them make excessive noise at annoying times like 5am or something, but for example DH will sometimes get on the kids about walking too loudly or something and I'm just if it's during the day especially. We actually live in a flat with excellent soundproofing now, but our last one was awful and we could constantly hear the three year old upstairs, whether playing or kicking off. It's only during daytime and that's what children do. I find dogs barking much more annoying than children.

I haven't sleep trained mine, but if you're just letting them cry for a few minutes at a time at night and it's short term anyway, I also wouldn't particularly worry about that. Presumably they cry in the night before you sleep train them anyway, otherwise you wouldn't need to do it in the first place. I wouldn't recommend just letting them cry out for hours, but I wouldn't recommend that anyway!

We just moved to a detached house. I definitely dont think about the noise the kids make as much now. The noise isn't disturbing anyone. But they still get told off for bad behaviour I dont want them feral!

As I said Broohaha i did not want it to be a parenting thrashing thread

I don't believe I 'thrashed' anyone. I simply stated a fact, and then backed it up with evidence. Which I did in response to your OP, where you stated, 'Neighbours complained one day of noise they can hear. (Yes i know i should not have shouted)... it does make me very conscious of punishments now and think if I was in a detached house i would be more strict and not perhaps let some behaviour go.'

What other conclusion was I meant to draw from that? The only noise that's been complained about is your shouting. I think if you allow your living situation to be an excuse then you've lost the battle.

Don't shout at your kid. Don't capitulate to tantrums either. Say what you mean and mean what you say, when you promise a reward or a consequence always follow through. There's a book called,' What Great Parents Do' which I recommend a read of.

I disagree that shouting = well behaved kids. From my own experience, my own kids are/were rarely naughty, I never raised my voice(in fact it's an ongoing joke with them that I only do it once a year, I think we are due a meltdown soon 😂). They just don't really need telling off. Maybe because they were all 5 years apart in age so got my undivided attention when needed the most. Who knows!

My step kids on the other hand have been raised 'loudly'. They've been shouted at a lot(by both parents, though my DH is pretty chilled now, I've rubbed off on him and made him more zen), they are punished a lot, and also when having fun they play roughly with my DH. Because of this they argue 24/7, shove, push and punch. There is trouble in both homes every single day they are there. A few of them can't even be in the same room unattended as they just punch first, ask questions later. I'm sure the neighbours at both homes love them 😂😂

I live in a flat and I feel I'm constantly having to be on top of my kids behaviour, noise levels, stomping jumping and running around. I dream of living in a detached house with plenty of space for the kids to be noisy and more energetic!

I live in a semi detached, we have a toddler and neighbours have grown up children who have moved out. Up until now we have been very quick to stop screaming/shouting tantrums from DD as we are so aware that next door can hear and will get annoyed.
Recently, since lockdown, it's become so bad that we have had to really put our foot down and not tolerate her awful behaviour, we popped a note through to next door apologising for any noise/screaming from DD and that we are trying to ignore bad behaviour and not give in to it which is resulting in her screaming for longer than usual.
They were very understanding and thanked us for letting them know.
Had we have been detached we probably would have put our foot down before now with DD as we wouldn't have worried about upsetting the neighbours.

They did mention my son too being loud. Thank you for all your comments anyway. I will take them on board.

t has never occurred to me to try and stop, minimise or prevent normal children's noise.

whilst living in a FLAT? Seriously?