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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else failing at home schooling?

74 replies

littleblackdress04 · 22/04/2020 18:02

DD 8 is doing hardly anything- we’ve done a bit of spelling, writing, maths. She reads herself and does loads of art but that’s it. My focus has been on my secondary school DS who has loads of homework & is crying about it all daily but I can’t give him the time he needs as I am trying to work full time too.

It’s really making me feel like a failure- I just can’t juggle all 3 things plus cook & keep the house tidy and exercise & all of it. I feel totally overwhelmed & the secondary school are sanctioning kids with behaviour points if they don’t do work on time.

Aibu to feel like I am failing at everything 🤪

OP posts:
louise5754 · 22/04/2020 18:29

Me. I can't cope. Mine are 8 and 10. The youngest is better and settling down but they think it's funny when I try and get them to sit and work. I'm really worrying,

louise5754 · 22/04/2020 18:29

Better at settling

DisneyMillie · 22/04/2020 18:29

My dd is (age 10) getting a full day of work set which is great for her keeping on track but puts a lot of pressure on us as they only get house points if they hand everything in by 5 every day - and of course she wants the house points!

SallyWD · 22/04/2020 18:30

It's a nightmare. I have to force my 7 year old to do it, whilst also working myself, doing cooking and cleaning etc. Today our headmaster phoned. He's calling all the parents just to see how we are. He emphasised that we really don't need to do all the schoolwork they set (which actually isn't too much anyway). He said he knows how difficult it is and just do what we can. It made me feel better about the whole thing.

CalleighDoodle · 22/04/2020 18:31

they think it's funny when I try and get them to sit and work. I'm really worrying

Shock that level of disrespect for you is shocking!
Im hoping you remove all electronics from them for the rest of the day when they are so disrespectful.

SushiGo · 22/04/2020 18:35

Honestly you are not alone, I think all of us working are feeling this. It's just so hard to give kids of different ages actual attention and support as well as do a job role.

I feel so guilty as well, because I know when I was a sahp I could have given them all my attention.

But we would also be stoney broke particularly as my partners job is at high risk.

I can't risk losing my job!

You're not alone.

If there's a sympathetic head teacher at school I recommend sending them an email and explaining how tough you are all finding it and could they rethink the demerits.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/04/2020 18:37

I am beginning to think they shouldn't have set anything at all.
Because there's going to be such a huge disparity with what people are able to do, and that just isn't fair on the kids who can't do any.
A furloughed parent to a single child can 121 tutor all day long.
Another parent is trying to wfh, no spare computer, toddler, baby, open plan house, cant do any.

formerbabe · 22/04/2020 18:42

Personally I think they should just have the kids repeat the year

SusieSusieSoo · 22/04/2020 18:44

@CalleighDoodle that sounds excellent but without Mary Poppins round to help I fear that kind of routine just won't happen here.

Ds7 needs me to help him with everything. I get up at 6 & start work. I can't sit with him whilst I'm on calls/meetings and I can't do my work if I am helping him.

Yesterday my mum did some work with him on FaceTime & today we did some together but I am really lucky to have a safe job and be paid - as are many pp's. Your dog gratin of going to get ready during Joe Wicks - I am ready to start work after a shower at 6.15....

We can only do what we can. They will catch up and we need to keep our dc's safe & well - and we need to do the same for ourselves. We also need to ignore the non working parents/those who have been furloughed and are landscaping their gardens/baking cakes & running fabulous home schools xxx

Musicalmistress · 22/04/2020 18:45

You're not failing at home schooling - you're developing her independence, resilience & coping skills!
It's all in how you frame it.
Please don't stress, I'm a primary teacher & so many families are in the same boat x

MollyMossy · 22/04/2020 18:45

Have you looked on the bbc Bitesize daily lessons? There's a daily English lesson, maths lesson and something else (history, geography, music etc). I've found it really helpful for my difficult 9 year old.
There's usually a couple of clips to watch, activities to do and a worksheet to complete that you can print off beforehand.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/04/2020 18:46

I love that @Musicalmistress

Haggisfish · 22/04/2020 18:49

It’s so hard. I’m a secondary teacher setting work for my students and completely failing to do anything with my own children! The only work we have been set is some maths and literacy, spelling and times tables rock stars. We have been told quite clearly not to penalise children who haven’t competed work so I’d be getting in touch with school about that.

Topsy44 · 22/04/2020 18:52

You are not alone. I have an 8 year old DD who is becoming more reluctant to do the home schooling every day. School have eased up after the Easter break and just told us to do what we can do but it is difficult when you see the parents whatsapp group and you know that others have done a lot more.

We are just trying to do little bits every day so that I know she has actually done some work but not all of it. Its virtually impossible when you are wfh to get them to do it all. I know if I have to really concentrate on some work for a morning then there's absolutely no chance I've got trying to home school my DD at the same time.

I think all you can do is be really kind to yourself that its a c**p situation and it will pass. Just keep repeating to yourself 'its not forever'! Well, that's what I do but maybe I am going slightly mad!!

MaybeKatie · 22/04/2020 18:55

Who the fuck are the 65% who have said you're NOT unreasonable for feeling like a failure???

Or did they not bother to actually read the OP...

Nodney · 22/04/2020 19:02

Just checked out Oak Academy as a PP suggested and it looks really good! Not too overwhelming but enough to do

fishface1979 · 22/04/2020 19:10

It's an awful situation. Our five year old is behaving badly as I think he is anxious. My 8 and 9 year olds are working quite hard but I'm not sure how effectively as lots of it is managing tech and not one to one feedback, checking understanding etc. Ours are in the private sector and it's costing us an arm and leg too, while I'm really struggling to do my job (my husband also to some extent). I felt the private sector sent masses of (often fairly useless) tasks to justify the extortionate fees rather than anything else. I'm really feeling very aggrieved by it to be honest. Anyway let's hope they may start going back in May - that's what I'm hoping for anyway. Our economy will be decimated if it goes on much longer. I think we all do what we can. It's unfortunate as there are some that can manage and others that will be finding it extremely hard, so it's not a level playing field - depends if single parents, multiple children, type of work and so on and so forth.

neverknewsomany · 22/04/2020 19:12

My 8 year old is struggling now. We gave up in the end today will try finish it tomorrow and have the rest of the week off, I need to work too.

Original poster
littleblackdress04 · 22/04/2020 19:15

Just looked at the bite size stuff- it looks good actually - am going to get the 8 year old on that tomorrow!

The 12 year old also has to navigate 5 different online learning platforms for different subjects which i think is ridiculous!!

OP posts:
thecatsabsentcojones · 22/04/2020 19:28

I feel your pain. I’m failing dismally. I’ve got two kids, one willing five year old, a very unwilling eleven year old who has to be argued with for ages to do anything at all. The five year old is now starting to copy my arsey 11yo, saying that she can’t do things she’s always done happily.

My eldest has SEN so has reasons behind being so difficult but at this rate he’ll be bloody illiterate by September. My husband is working silly hours and thinks they should be doing a decent amount of work, which in theory is great, in real life it’s practically undoable.

My teacher friend is also having serious attitude from his kids which reassured me somewhat.

user1468953505 · 22/04/2020 19:51

I'm not failing at homeschool (but I'm failing miserably at earning any money as my business is dead and as a limited company I get no gov. help - so swings and roundabouts).

I'm positing though because I used to be a teacher and sometimes tutor friends kids and you can get SO MUCH done with one hour's focused 1-2-1. If you can find one hour every day or so to give total attention then it's absolutely fine to let them do whatever the rest of the time. Research says one hours tutoring is 3-4 hours of school time.

formerbabe · 22/04/2020 19:57

I'm positing though because I used to be a teacher and sometimes tutor friends kids and you can get SO MUCH done with one hour's focused 1-2-1

But I don't know how to teach and my DC has work to do for

Maths, English, history, geography, RE, science, french, Spanish, art, music, design, computing, food

It's not a case of me sitting with him for an hour a day...he has work he needs to submit for all of the above. I have no choice in what he does really.

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 22/04/2020 20:03

I can't believe some schools are setting 6 hrs of work a day. My ds school day in total is 6 1/4 hrs and that includes moving classrooms/ break/ lunch. So in effect they are setting more than would normally be done in school hours!

I'll also add that studying at home is much harder. I'm a mature student and all of my classes are now being taught remotely and it seems to take me double the time to listen/make notes.

Poor kids

Dieu · 22/04/2020 20:07

I work in a school, and the staff would be absolutely horrified to hear about a sanction for late work. I believe your school must truly be in the minority for this.
I'm a single mum of 3, but only 2 are at school. I work with my 10 year old, as she's quite weak. The school sends through loads of work daily, and together we get through it. I'm worried that I'm not building up her independence enough, but she needs the help, so it's difficult to strike a balance.
My 13 year old is bright, but appears to be getting very little work Hmm I mainly just leave her to get on with it, as the work is sent to her phone. I feel I should be doing more though.
It's like two extremes, in that I'm all over one child, and hands off with the other!

user1468953505 · 22/04/2020 20:09

@formerbabe secondary school kids need to work independently. You aren't responsible for their work. I don't help DD13 at all.

Primary school kids only need 1 hour full attention whenever you can spare it. Just be as patient and positive as you can. Focus on the things you love and find interesting . If you just listen to them read that's fine.