Brother-in-law and Godchild

[SweetSouberry]

A couple of years ago I posted on here and most people thought I was batshit....but here I go again.

BiL is essentially a nice bloke but mollycoddled by MiL and now with a really nice woman who I don’t really know very well.

I wanted a friend to be DS1’s Godfather but MiL put her fangs into DH and BiL was chosen. He showed no interest in DS1 (or DS2 ) and continues to show no interest unless they happen to actually go up to him.

Well future SiL takes her Godmotherly duties to her own godchildren seriously so last year on three occasions I felt my youngest was ignored and elder one advantaged because he is a Godson. I vented on here about the first occasion and people generally felt I was unreasonable.
Yesterday a parcel arrives with two exquisitely wrapped presents 1 for DH and 1 for DS1 who has just gone 12. Lovely presents. DH was asked to be best man and DS1 asked to be an usher at their wedding next year. The cards were beautifully written and reference to DS being a precious Godson,
We weren’t given any warning. DH and DS1 were hugging each other while DS2 9 just stood there visibly ‘jealous’ but trying to keep dignity,
I am incandescent, DH feels it’s just one of those things and said he would ask for role for DS2 as well but I don’t want them to think we’re needy.

So it was his birthday? And you are mad they sent a present?

So you were pissed off when he wasn't interested & now you're pissed off that he is?

Your husband & oldest have been given presents to be best man & usher?

Perhaps your husband needs to be a bit sensitive towards his youngest though?

I think its unfair. Regardless whether he is his Godfather or not he is first and foremost both boys Uncle and should not favour one over the other. I would be having something (a lot) to say about it. Not nice

‘Incandescent”

Yep I still think you’re batshit crazy

Yeah OP you're still batshit

This is hat happens if you choose different god parents for different children. Do you also expect the younger ones godparents to treat the eldest as their god son too?

If no religious, then the christening and god parents are essential just a party and there’s no need for it.

I don’t include the siblings of my godson in things we do or give, they have their own god parents.

My aunt was godparent to my brother. When she passed away he inherited and I didn’t.

I get why you are hurt for your DS2, it can't be a nice feeling for you to see your child upset because he is been left out.
I personally think uncle trumps godparent and I do think it's unfair to exclude one child.
I think the options are you try speaking to the SIL to be and explain calmly how the youngest feels, you don't even have to talk about a role in the wedding more about how he feels when things like this happen so they can maybe be a little more sensitive to him, or you explain to youngest why he isn't included but I think they would be the harder conversation to have.
You are mum; it's natural to want to protect him, it's mama bear mentality.
Don't let people make you feel bad for wanting to protect him. X

You really don't like your in-laws and that is affecting your judgement here, OP. Fangs?

Was the present purely for the wedding party invite or his birthday (or a bit of both)?

You complain if he doesn't take an interest in his Godson, and now he's given him a special role because of the Godparent relationship you think he should include the other child regardless. Bit of a no-win situation there!

You are clearly unhappy with the situation but what would be acceptable to you - what could your BIL do that would recognise the Godparent relationship yet not exclude your younger child in your eyes? If they've got different Godparents what are your expectations?

I think it's horrible to treat the dc differently like that.

Sorry OP but you are clearly BU! They are not godparents to your DS2, he has his own I imagine?
Having a godchild in the wedding party is the done thing, not having all nieces and nephews.

I suppose it all comes down to not wanting him to be Godfather in the first place.

But your husband is to blame for that.

I know, I know I am still coming over as batshit. To answer questions I am a Catholic and do go to mass as does my husband. Ironically my MiL who brought pressure on us to invoice BiL is an atheist.
DS2 has my friend and her husband as Godparents. They treat boys the same and don’t really even mention the Godparent aspect.
I do ‘keep tabs’ on how since the advent of new SiL DS1 is given a present for birthday and Easter but not DS2 even though he is still his nephew. The exquisitely wrapped presents yesterday were in boxes related to the proposed role in wedding.
DH won’t ask for role but admits now he should not have caved to MiL 12 years ago as this is now the unforeseen consequence.
I think he got so wrapped up with DS1’s joy he didn’t think about DS2.
Anyway it’s done now. DH will remind BiL of DS2’s birthday in the summer. I am going to ban wedding talk in this house to minimise DS2’s upset.

I wanted a friend to be DS1’s Godfather but MiL put her fangs into DH and BiL was chosen.

That's on your DH, he made that choice (and you obviously went along with it). That has nothing to do with your MIL.

The responsibility of choosing your children's godparents was yours and your DH's.

Totally you’re own fault.
You took a role that is really meaningful for Christians, and co-opted it for your own purposes.
You may come on and try to persuade us that you are a Christian really... but you didn’t choose your BIL with a “Christian” motive, even if you are.

The bigger problem here is your dick of a husband who hugged his 12yo in a way that upset the 9yo. Forget SIL. Has your husband always treated your younger son as less important?

It wouldn't have cost very much but would have been worth so much more if they had put a little something in for your second son. I'd love to be an auntie or have a Godchild.

This is why I’m grateful for being Hindu. The religion just assumes you will take care of your neices / nephews when their parents die - and gifts (of which there are many) are equally provided.

I don’t think that’s just down to Hinduism @GrumpyHoonMain - that’s just what any decent aunt/uncle/family member/decent person should do.

I’m godmother to both my nephews - but the fact that they are my nephews and I love them with all my heart trumps any religious duty

@SweetSouberry, I don't think you are batshit at all.

This is why I’m grateful for being Hindu. The religion just assumes you will take care of your neices / nephews when their parents die

As a PP said, that's more to do with being a decent person.

This is why I’m grateful for being Hindu. The religion just assumes you will take care of your neices / nephews when their parents die

Well on the basis of this post, I can only presume your version of Hinduism also goes hand in hand with an utterly ignorant and narrow minded perception of those who don’t share the same religious beliefs as you.

Everyone who is insisting that both boys should have been given the same role - what if bride has loads of nieces and nephews? What then?

Some people don’t think godchildren should be treated different, some do. Neither is wrong.

Ridiculous that a ten year old can’t dress nicely and enjoy the wedding without all this carry on about being unfair and being left out.