To resign at a time like this?

[iwanttobreakfreeeeee]

Im utterly miserable in my job and have been for as long as I can remember (been in a few different companies doing the same role so not just the place I work that’s the problem if you see what I mean). I’ve suffered from anxiety and at times depression all my adult life and work is where the anxiety really comes out. At the moment I can’t sleep, feel sick, chest pains and shortness of breath etc. I’ve been doing regular exercise as this usually helps me but at the moment it just makes me feel a bit better for an hour or so then I’m back to feeling the same way. I feel like I just want to resign and do something completely different with my life.

I do have enough savings to see me through for quite a while if I can’t find some other way to make money, but those savings are what we’d planned to use for early retirement so would be setting us back a fair bit. There’s also the risk of not being able to find other work for a very long time in the current situation, or of DH losing his (currently well paid) role. On the flip side to all the above, I’m generally considered a high performer at work so I don’t know what drives the anxiety.

Sorry for rambling, just wondering what you’d all do in my position?

Ps we have no dependent children

OP, that sounds very hard.

Have you sought medical advice, therapy, medication, to help with your anxiety?

I honestly don't think this is a good time to resign if it can be avoided.

Is it the general anxiety or the environment that is stressing you out?

I think you could be swapping one set of anxiety for another.

I'm not a professional so all I would suggest is that you see your doctor and seek something solid to alleviate your stress levels, to ease symptoms and to look at your options.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad.

Apologies OP, its your anxiety not the environment.

Is their a reason that you are not on medication to help you with this?

When you say you have savings to last quite a while, how much, or how long, do you mean?

Non medical opinion here, but I think fear of failure, of making a mistake is often a part of anxiety in work.

I have a couple of people I care about suffer from it.
They are both superb at their jobs.
Highly valued by their employers.
Highly regarded by colleagues.
Hard working.
Highly capable and qualified.
Yet they both suffer anxiety and this fear of making a mistake.

It is awful.

Both have found CBT to be helpful and reading about it has helped them.

Could you take some time off sick - if your mental health is really struggling, speak to your GP and take a couple of weeks off to really take stock.

Personally I think this is entirely the wrong time to leave a job, the economy is going to go to shit after this Cv19 is over so you may struggle to get back to work (which could cause even more anxiety and depression - endlessly at home alone while you partner is working).

Is there any option to take your role to a job share or part time basis? If your do a great job for your company (which it sounds like you do) then speak to HR. They might be glad of someone taking reduced hours in the months to come.

I have the same mental health struggles as you so I do understand. Take care.

You said yourself its not the job, its your anxiety.

You need help with that first otherwise youll be in the same position but with no savings further down the line

From your post it doesn't sound like your job is the problem. You don't mention any things which are specifically bad about your job and you say you felt the same way in previous roles.

It's really difficult because it might be hard for you to access mental health support during the coronavirus situation, but I think you need to try and find a strategy for addressing your anxiety issues. If you don't get to the root cause then this will just follow you around whatever you do and wherever you go in life.

I don't think now is a good time to resign. I would be very wary about resigning in the current climate even if you did genuinely have a horrible job, especially if your husband may be at risk of losing his job.

Do you think your manager would be supportive if you confided in them about your anxiety issues? If you are considered a high performer they may be motivated to help you address your problems rather than lose you.

Are you able to reduce your hours - would that help at all?

I don't think resigning is a bad thing sometimes - if you are absolutely sure that is the source of your anxiety and depression. Assuming you have sought help for it then maybe the type of work you have chosen is just not beneficial to you. Your anxiety may then be as a result of your striving to ensure you continue to perform well.

Do you know what you would prefer to do?
Is there a job that you are interested in doing that you could re-train for while still working?

Could you go part time or get a part-time job in another role, even if a lower paid or more menial work, to allow you to re-train?

Could you do some work connected to a hobby that you enjoy?

If it boils down to a choice between your current work or you're mental well-being, then there is no shame in resigning and being happier.

I suffered a lot with my anxiety and found hypnosis very helpful. Things that used to make me anxious now make me calm. For example, driving at night used to worry me so much and now I get a little bit worried before I drive, but as soon as I start I get a calm feeling.

I really wouldn’t resign at the moment because we don’t know how the rest of the year will go. I would start researching anxiety and how would be right for you to get the help you need. I have had hypnosis over Skype since lockdown and I know you can have therapy over Skype too.

I hope you feel better soon

How old are you? Do you have thoughts about a different type of role?

It's a tricky time to resign, I resigned at the beginning of March, we knew the pandemic was coming but hadn't gone into lockdown. The anxiety and stress the job was giving me had become unbearable. I was lucky in that I had another job to go to, the new organisation honoured my start date of 1 April even though I couldn't go into the office and had to work from home. I haven't had an induction and I don't really know what I'm doing so feeling a bit guilty but once lockdown is over I'm sure it'll all fall into place.

Only you can say whether it's worth the risk of leaving, how long you can stretch out your savings.
Good luck

Working in a job you do not enjoy and which leads to anxiety can kill you. If not your body, then you mental health - and that will get to your body eventually anyway.

Resign and look for something you will enjoy. Then you can say "today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday, and all is well."

Thanks all for your responses. All those who are saying don’t do it at this time/it’s not the job it’s your anxiety are echoing what the logical part of my brain is telling me. I don't know whether a complete change of job would help - my ultimate dream would be to become self employed so that my only accountability was to myself- most of my anxiety stems from fear of colleagues thinking I’m doing a bad job/ being fired for making a mistake etc. It’s probably a crazy time to move to self employment though and I’ve no idea what business to start if I did (any ideas would be most welcome ). Has anyone ever managed to get over this kind of crippling anxiety? I’ve had medication and counselling at various periods over the last 20 years (including some time in an inpatient unit a long time ago) but it never seems to have a lasting effect. I have made a gp appointment for today though to see if I can restart some medication that has helped a bit in the past.

In answer to another question (sorry the @ function never seems to work for me), the savings I have would enable me to continue paying my “share” of the bills for a few years to be honest , but we had so many plans for the money and as it’s thanks to DH in large part that I’ve been able to build them up (we view them as joint money although in my name for various reasons) I feel it’s wrong to use them for living costs unless we absolutely have to. On the other hand I don’t really feel like I’m living at the moment, just existing.

Ironically I would resign now if I was single- not because it’s DH pushing me to stick with it but because I wouldn’t have the same guilt then if that makes sense?

I agree with @AvalancheKit .

I was in a similar position a few years ago and after months of deliberating I did resign and my only regret is not doing it a lot sooner. I took 3 months off during which time my overall health including mental health improved dramatically and I had time and headspace to take stock of my life. Then I got my current job and am so much happier. I was lucky to have the support of my family.

I think if you are stressed out at work and can afford to leave, you should do it. Life's too short! Your current state of mind is much more detrimental than you realise. Good luck.

Hi grated- do you do something completely different now or still in the same field?

It's very broadly the same field but that was chance really. I applied for all sorts of things!

It does depend on what you do admittedly. I was a middle manager in a large organisation so those skills seem to be quite transferable. Different if you're a particular profession or in a niche business. But even then, skills are transferable and I think we tend to undersell ourselves and not fully realise how we are able to move on, especially when you've been in a job a long time. This is one area where a time if headspace is so beneficial.

For my penny's worth OP, I ceased a high pressure job about three years ago and gave up all that went with it, the commuting and high pay/bonuses. I budgeted on earning around 65% of what I was earning before, but with the potential to grow it eventually. What actually happened was I had three months off initially, started to see my own professional field in a clearer light and approached my career differently. I work from an office at home and spend about 4-5 days a month maximum going to face-to-face meetings (before coronavirus) and now earn about 50% more than I did before but with working significantly less hours due to greater efficiency. Change can work in unexpected ways.

I've been where you are, you need to stop.
it's natures way of telling you to get out of your current situation.
Life is for living, and being happy, not having a daily trudge.
Find something you'd really like to do, maybe something that pays less, has less ito performance and more ito job satisfaction and happiness.
For me it was because I wanted to be a sahm, shortly followed by working in the Arts, same field but something completely different, at far less pay, but this enabled me to start my own business. This was going well until lockdown, now I've lost it all and will have to start again, but that can't be helped.

Environment can cause/exacerbate anxiety though, so if you do hate your job, I’d move. Life’s too short.

I know so many people in jobs that make them miserable all because they’re too scared to change track in life.

Hi OP. I completely understand your position! I've been at my role nearly two years and I'm miserable.
My plan before this pandemic was to hand in my notice in May and be off travelling to central America in June and have my dream job lined up by August.

My whole plan has been ruined and I need to rethink. At the moment it's best to continue on at my current job and plan another exit plan.

Have you considered setting up your own business while working ? it could give you a head start. Or considered temping in between jobs ? It may be a salary cut but you will have an income and be less stressed in a temporary role.

My advice would be to continue at your current work (maybe ask for less hours ?) but use this time to start your business plan.

Does your employer offer counselling through an occupational health scheme?

I didn't want to read and run as I've found myself feeling very similar recently. I decided to stick it out (I'm also pregnant which took the decision out of my hands somewhat as I'll need the SMP) and I'm taking each day as it comes, it's got more bearable since I started taking one day at a time. I really hope you feel better soon, whatever you choose to do. ❤