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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancel holiday

44 replies

SMJYellow · 21/04/2020 23:12

Me and my partner dont live together. We both live at home with our parents. After Christmas, we paid a deposit for a holiday.

We booked a holiday together for September. Paid a deposit and the whole lot has to be paid in July.

Then the virus and a pandemic came about.

Tonight on the phone, I mentioned to him that the holiday we booked looks highly unlikely and doubtful now.

He was OKish about it but seems to be quite deluded that life after the restrictions will return to normal and we can hold off and make a decision about the holiday later on when the restrictions are lifted. The virus will still be circulating when the restrictions ease.

I've made up my mind up and I don't want to go any more. There's so many reasons for this.

I'm doing my best following the guidelines. I avoid crowds etc. I'm hoping I don't pick up the virus.

I have a few problems with the holiday:
what if we get sick on holiday?
Or what if we pick up the virus along the way and bring it home to our aging parents?
Or what if one or the other of us get sick before our holidays and we are too ill to travel?
Or what if we have to deal with death this year and mourning a loved one? It wouldn't seem right to go away and enjoy ourselves on holidays.

Am I be unreasonable about not wanting to go on a holiday this year?

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 21/04/2020 23:36

I’m not too sure about this... maybe check with ABTA.
If you cancel then it’s you’re problem. If your holiday company cancels then you should be entitled to a refund.
Sorry, can’t be of more help.
Speak to your travel agent.

Original poster
SMJYellow · 25/04/2020 09:42

To be honest, I myself don't care about losing out on my deposit. My partner cares about losing his deposit.

He contacted the travel agency during the week and they can't help us right now at this point in time. They said for customers with holidays coming up sooner than ours, them people can defer the holidays for a year. Something like that.

I suppose its still early days but I made up my mind. I don't want to go away on holidays. Even if restrictions are eased the virus will still be out there. If we are giv3an option for deferring til next year, I don't want to go next year either.

I just don't want to go at all, at all. There's too much unknowns and uncertainty.

OP posts:
sandragreen · 25/04/2020 09:53

Am I be unreasonable about not wanting to go on a holiday this year

YANBU as it's your choice what you do and where you go, but if I were your partner I would probably get a friend to buy you out of the holiday and go with them instead (assuming that's possible at the time.)

It would really put me off you in terms of being a life partner as it would indicate a fundamental difference between us and a source of future discord.

rookiemere · 25/04/2020 09:55

How much is the deposit? Can you afford to pay back your BF his share ? As neither of you is wrong, but if you don't go he is financially disadvantaged by your decision.

User202004 · 25/04/2020 10:01

I would wait until July, by the time you need to pay the rest of the money you'll have more of an idea what options are available to you, they may let you rebook etc. It's too soon now.

Werkwerkwerkwerkwerkwerk · 25/04/2020 10:11

So even with the option to defer it a year you wont go?

You're just never going to go on holiday again?

Goatymcgoaty · 25/04/2020 10:15

Too soon to do anything about it. Wait til July and then act. Tell partner your travel insurance will be invalid as doesn’t cover covid (most policies don’t). How can someone argue with that?

Original poster
SMJYellow · 25/04/2020 10:19

The virus is causing too much uncertainty.

My father is weak in health. If he gets the virus, it will wipe him out for sure. My mother is in better health but there is a worry there too about that.

Basically if the virus gets to my parents this year, next year is going to be a pack of sh1t dealing with solicitors and the family home. I'm really not going to be in a position to take a holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
SMJYellow · 25/04/2020 10:22

I won't be paying for the rest of the holiday come July and I'm not interested in a holiday deferral.

OP posts:
Original poster
SMJYellow · 25/04/2020 10:23

The deposit was 250 each. I don't know if I will have the money to bail him out of his deposit.

OP posts:
UnfinishedSymphon · 25/04/2020 10:25

We've just cancelled our apartment in lanzarote for December, they have much stricter restrictions than us and I don't think we'll be going. At least we hadn't booked flights though

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/04/2020 10:28

All your concerns are covered by travel insurance medical cover.
The holiday doesn’t look that doubtful or unlikely, you just don’t want to go.
I agree with PP see if a friend can go with him instead, or agree to defer the holiday by a year to give yourself more time. In a year you may feel differently.

User202004 · 25/04/2020 10:30

Well you will both have to forfeit your deposit then, if you're not happy to wait for it to be cancelled you will be cancelling and therefore liable for the deposit. But you achieve nothing worrying about it or thinking about it now in April, just see where you are in July, I don't mean in terms of deciding to go, I just mean if there is any clarification on travel you could be cancelled on and get your deposit back, some countries are talking about blanket banning of tourism for months. There's nothing you can do now that you can't do in July.

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/04/2020 10:31

“Tell partner your travel insurance will be invalid as doesn’t cover covid (most policies don’t).”

OP said she booked the holiday after Christmas, so most policies would cover COVID. It wasn’t until March that they started changing policies to not cover it for new holidays booked to COVID hot spots.

onalongsabbatical · 25/04/2020 10:31

You're not wrong to feel the way you do, but the two of you have different attitudes to risk. I think you need to be honest with him about how you feel about it and why for a first step.
It's not a decision that has to be made immediately; later on he might get a refund, or someone to take your place, depending on circumstances then. But you can be clear that you've decided not to go; you have a right to make that decision.

Nottherealslimshady · 25/04/2020 10:31

I think if you're deciding you dont want to go even if you can and you dont want to defer it then you should give him his money. You cant just make a unilateral decision that loses someone else 250 quid

PrinnyPree · 25/04/2020 10:34

As others have said wait till July to make any decisions since you don't have to pay anything till then you've got nothing to lose and if advice has changed you might get a refund or voucher (even if you don't use it your boyfriend might appreciate getting a voucher for his deposit). Xxx

BusyBB · 25/04/2020 10:34

Is your financial situation different because of covid?

Because otherwise I dont understand why you wouldn't have the money to pay him back the deposit if you would have had the money to pay for the rest of the holiday...?

Redyoyo · 25/04/2020 10:34

Where are you going? The likelihood of you being able to go in September is low. We are due to go to Majorca in the last week of September and from what I've read i very much doubt the Spanish authorities will let British tourists in by then. I'm waiting on my travel firm to cancel at least that way well get our deposit back. Put it to the back of your mind until July.

Parky04 · 25/04/2020 10:36

You are not unreasonable not to want to go and neither is he wanting to go. If I was him I would go anyway. It doesn't sound as though you are compatible in your way of thinking and doubtful that your relationship will last.

Original poster
SMJYellow · 25/04/2020 10:43

Thanks for the replies. The holiday is a cruise by the way. A Mediterranean cruise to Italy and Greece. I was looking forward to it but now I don't want to go because there's too much uncertainty about the virus and fallout out from the virus. Apparently we will be seeing a deep recession not seen since the 1930s. It will make the 08 crash look like a picnic. If we manage to pull through the virus, we're looking at debt.

I will hold off til later on to make a final decision in the hope that it gets cancelled.

OP posts:
Amanduh · 25/04/2020 10:48

But you’re just guessing at everything. The limits. The recession. What will happen. Etc etc etc. Nobody knows. If you cancel now, you lose the deposit and then owe your partner. There is literally no point cancelling. Yanbu not wanting to go but you can’t make that decision for someone else either

soccerbabe · 25/04/2020 10:56

OK, now you've explained that the holiday is a cruise, I get why you have got cold feet about it, even if it's deferred to next year. But it's only fair to reimburse your partner for a lost deposit.

Original poster
SMJYellow · 25/04/2020 11:17

I will hold off til July. Hopefully it will be cancelled and if not I definitely don't want to continue with the holiday plans and I definitely don't want a deferral. What if I'm in a position next year where I can't afford the rent never mind a holiday.

Why should I have to reimburse my partner for a lost deposit? Its not like I planned for this virus to come and take a sh1t on every one and their plans for the year ahead. If anything he should suck it up because he was so quick to push for a holiday this year and book a trip. I was more relaxed and cool back in January about booking a holiday but he pushed for it.

I'm not being a bitch on purpose about not wanting to go on holidays. My partner has no unknown underlying health conditions but I would be worried that there's something there with him. There's a few things that niggle at me generally about his health but he refuses to go to the doctors.

Diabetes run in his family. He carries more weight around his belly. He's not a very tall man so it shows more on him. I'm worried about his breathing at night time and possibly some sort of a sleep apnea there but I could be paranoid about that. Hopefully the virus doesn't come our way but I am worried about his health. I read about this virus and blood clots in young people. To be honest getting on a plane and possibly sending the man home to his family in a coffin doesn't appeal to me.

OP posts:
Bringringbring12 · 25/04/2020 11:22

You have got completely caught up in hysteria OP that is very clear from the tone and content of your posts.

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