Cancel holiday

[SMJYellow]

Me and my partner dont live together. We both live at home with our parents. After Christmas, we paid a deposit for a holiday.

We booked a holiday together for September. Paid a deposit and the whole lot has to be paid in July.

Then the virus and a pandemic came about.

Tonight on the phone, I mentioned to him that the holiday we booked looks highly unlikely and doubtful now.

He was OKish about it but seems to be quite deluded that life after the restrictions will return to normal and we can hold off and make a decision about the holiday later on when the restrictions are lifted. The virus will still be circulating when the restrictions ease.

I've made up my mind up and I don't want to go any more. There's so many reasons for this.

I'm doing my best following the guidelines. I avoid crowds etc. I'm hoping I don't pick up the virus.

I have a few problems with the holiday:
what if we get sick on holiday?
Or what if we pick up the virus along the way and bring it home to our aging parents?
Or what if one or the other of us get sick before our holidays and we are too ill to travel?
Or what if we have to deal with death this year and mourning a loved one? It wouldn't seem right to go away and enjoy ourselves on holidays.

Am I be unreasonable about not wanting to go on a holiday this year?

Bringring:

Yes, clearly this virus is just a little cold and nothing whatsoever to be worried about and I'm blown it all out of proportion
(sarcasm)

www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/04/24/strokes-coronavirus-young-patients/

It's sensible to not go on a cruise this year. But it's unfair to not wait it out and get reimbursed, which you will because European countries won't be letting cruise ships leave or dock.

We will all get this virus, eventually and 98% of us will be fine. If you travel outside of Europe, you have much more risk of disease and death.

You need to get this in perspective. People don't live forever.

Smj

Your last point further proves my point

We had a cruise booked for the end of July the company has cancelled it.

Sorry end of June!!

Basically if the virus gets to my parents this year, next year is going to be a pack of sh1t dealing with solicitors and the family home. I'm really not going to be in a position to take a holiday

If your parents make you an executor of their wills then you won't have to deal with any solicitors. You should have Power of Attorney for them in place now.

I've no intention of getting on a plane this year or a cruise EVER but I do think you are being over anxious about both the present and future and wonder if you and your partner are suited personality wise.

SMJYellow, I've worked in stroke care and on stroke wards, you'd be surprised how many people do have strokes from 30. They all, except new, Mum's (who have a different type of stroke), have lifestyle issues.

We aren't seeing that trend in the UK and they haven't in France, which makes me wonder if there's a lifestyle factor involved. Americans don't like to call out obesity, even when it's morbid obesity. I wonder if it's being shied away from, or recreational/prescription drug use.

Why should I have to reimburse my partner for a lost deposit

If you cancel the holiday (rather than the cruise company cancelling it) then of course you should pay him back his deposit!!! Either that or offer him the chance to go on holiday with a new girlfriend someone else and they can buy out your share/pay for name changes.

You are coming across as very selfish.

Don’t cancel now, you will lose your deposit.

Wait til July. If the company cancel it, you will hopefully get a refund. If they don’t cancel it but you don’t want to go, cancel then but you should reimburse your partner because it’s your choice not to go.

OP you must be exhausted with all this future worry. I totally get you're concerned about the virus, but it sounds like you're effectively giving up on life. My parents are also elderly and I'm an only DC, I worry about them getting it, just as I worry about any other ill health, but I don't let it stop me doing things because I don't think that would achieve anything.

I get why you don't want to go on holiday this year, but please don't write off next year just yet. What age are you ?

I would see your behaviour as a big red flag if I were your boyfriend OP. What you say goes eh?

You have every right not to go on any holiday, but
a) you should definitely refund his deposit if the cruise goes ahead
b) Before doing this you should see if he wants to take a family member or friend so he doesn't lose out on his holiday, which you have stated he was really looking forward to.
c) I would also be really worried about what I was getting into if I were him as you appear to have quite an acute health anxiety and I would find this really tedious to deal with.

YABU. You booked it together so make a decision together, not for him.

The most sensible thing is to invite someone to take your place.

You are looking at all the worst case scenarios here. That’s not good for your mental health. If you pay the sum off and it’s cancelled by them you both get your money back. If it wasn’t cancelled in the end, then you cancelling it when you and he could be away is costing him his deposit. Either way you are wasting £250 of his cash. You are. Not him. So of course you should pay. I’d also be looking at the relationship if I were him.

Definitely wait til July when the deposit is due to cancel with the cruise company as there's always a chance it will be cancelled and you'll be offered the opportunity to get your money back.

However, you should let your DP know now that you are planning on cancelling so he can find an alternative traveller if he wants. However, if I was in his position I wouldn't want to pay the balance for a 2021 cruise anyway, as surely so many cruise companies are going to go out of business. I'd be nervous about paying the balance for a September cruise in July tbh.

However, if he is happy to go ahead or postpone but you decide to cancel then of course you must repay him the deposit. How is that even a question?

Thank you for the replies. I read about them and I thought about them. I'm not looking at worst case scenarios. I'm looking at all scenarios. I can't even afford my own mortgage and I live at home as does he with his parents. It doesn't seem fair to go and enjoy ourselves on holidays and come home and possibly have been exposed to the virus and infect our families. You tell me one thing that's right about that scenario? I read about a case on an Irish online forum of someone who went to Cheltenham, came home to his mother, he was infected, he had to go to hospital and into icu, and then his mother took ill and died. I don't want a scenario like this to play out on my family.

So far we only paid the deposit. I think he started to pay down weekly sums on his half of the holiday. I asked him to stop them payments in March.

I will wait til July til we have to pay down the rest. Hopefully the cruise will be cancelled and we get our money back. If not, I'm not intin going and I'm not interested in deferring the holiday.

Thanks for the last reply. I will mention to him about any deferral and the cruise company potentially going bust.

A holiday isn't a right and cancelling isn't the end of the world. I will try pay him back his deposit if it doesn't go well.

I'm ordering the Mr about that's its my way or no way. He can do what he wants but I'm not going.

I completely understand why you don't want to go but I still think you need to reimburse your partner's deposit. He wants to go and you don't- you're more risk averse which is fine but if you're a partnership your choice shouldn't trump his.

Please be mindful that you'll almost certainly be back at work by September. If you genuinely want to shield your parents you'll probably have to move out and rent before you buy somewhere.

Not sure who your cruise is with but my p&o cruise just got cancelled, and they have cancelled everything up to the end of August.
I would hold off til closer to the pay date to see if they cancel which to be fair is looking likely.
That way no one will lose their deposit.

I'm really not sure what the point in your post was, as you've already made up your mind that you dont think you are BU, so it seems a bit of a pointless question.

I do however agree with PP that you agreed to a holiday, and regardless of the reasoning behind it - you have decided you now no longer are willing to go and are willing to forfeit your deposit. However, in doing so, you are also forfeiting your partners deposit. The right thing to do is to reimburse him as the current situation is no more his fault than it is yours, and he's no more unreasonable in wanting to go than you are in not wanting to go.

Imagine if you both agreed not to go on holiday, and your partner then decided he wanted to go and it was going to cost you £250 even if you didn't go. You'd tell him to bugger off. You made a commitment to go on the cruise and if you decide you no longer want to go, that's not his problem.

It's with MS cruises. Hopefully it will be cancelled.

My partner should be thinking about his parents too. His mother is elderly with underling conditions.

We don't live in the UK. We are in Ireland. It doesn't seem to be as bad here as in the UK. The Irish authorities are trying to eliminate as much cases of community transmissions as possible and then hammer down the route of testing, quick results, isolation of close contacts, etc. Hopefully we can get to the end of this year without seeing this virus come our way.