To ask if it’s normal to care more about friends than family

[Takemebackto]

My ds2 22 admits that he cares more about his friends than us. I’ve never cared more about friends than family as obviously they are a part of me and have been with me my whole life.the friends he cares more about are not childhood friends but friends he’s known for about three years. Is this unusual?

I’ve had a chat with him and he says I’m just moaning.

It depends on who the family members are some of mine are a nightmare.. and my best friend is like a sister to me.

Is this not a bit like picking a partner over family. Your friend you pick your family are forced upon you. I don’t see why genetics would mean I have to care more for aunt Doris than my friend Claire.

There's no need for anyone to moan. Just let him know brightly that he'll need to do that stuff himself from now on. It doesn't need discussing.

You'll probably have a better relationship once he moves out; I know I did with my DPs. He'll realise over time though that friends are always as permanent as you think or there in the same way family are imo.

He won’t do anything apart from washing up occasionally.

It depends on how close the family is. I don't believe it's to do with age at all.

I have nieces and nephews around that age and I don't think they'd say that. Plus my own kids 20 and 17 wouldn't say that.

Also, when he says he cares more about, I wonder what he means by that. Would he go to a friend in hospital over going to see his own you or his sibling?

Or is it a case of he prefers spending time with his friends and has more fun with them, in comparison with his family.....which is quite different and entirely normal.

Eg he buys his friends birthday gifts but doesn’t even get me a card.

I didn't see this.

Stop buying him cards and gifts from now...he clearly takes you for granted and has no appreciation.

Let him do his own stuff around the house. This isn't an age thing...it's a selfish thing.

Yes I believe he would go and see a friend in hospital over his own family. His older brother has mental health problems and he’s called him insane etc yet supports a friend of his with mental health problems.

It’s normal if your family are shit

I am the same age as your son and I haven’t spoken to my family since I moved out at 18. They were nasty and abusive then tried to gaslight me over their actions, so I eventually cut them off with no regrets. I am happier than ever.

My friends are basically like my family, not that I’m using them to try to fill a void but they have truly been there for me and given great advice, seen me mature over the years. We went through school, uni, dating, various jobs and life changes etc together so I would absolutely say that I care about my friends more than my so called family

I would say friends he’s known for 3 years can be just as important and childhood friends. They could have gone to uni or even lived together in that time frame. I met one of my best friends at first year in halls and we have lived together ever since (London)

In your case if he doesn’t seem to like his household, ask him to consider moving out?