Seven years ago, when DH and I were engaged, his father met up with him for dinner one evening, drank a bit too much (though he did this at pretty much every meal out) and told my husband that my weight 'could be a problem' for our marriage, he also asked him if he had considered that I 'could get even bigger' and to 'think hard' about that.
DH came home and told me all this, and told me that he was 'blindsided' and 'didn't really know what to say'. Apparently he just changed the subject.
A lot has happened since then and I've been in therapy for a while. It's become very clear that this particular incident was significant in shaping a lot of the body issues that I have carried since then, and the subsequent anxiety.
Back then I was 30 years old and a size 18, in decent health, working and doing well in a professional role. I wore clothes that fit me well, and was pretty active. DH's father would occasionally comment on my weight in a 'Oh I bet Coronaandtired would like to see the dessert menu' kind of way. I didn't like it but I put up with it for the sake of DH.
But I was absolutely devastated by the incident I described earlier, devastated and mortified. I think about it often. The issue is that DH's father died four years ago, so a) I can't raise the issue with the FIL and b) speaking to DH about his part in it (because he absolutely should have defended me) would bring up complex and hurtful emotions.
I know I need to move on but I don't know how. I don't want to hurt anyone else in the process.