Red hair child

[bibbidibobbididoo12]

I have 2 red head girls age 7 and 9.
Both have started to questions about their hair.
Today one of my children asked is having red hair a bad thing.
Obviously I asked her why?
She explained in a book she was reading when they described a character they used all negative words such as 'fat, ugly and had red hair'.

I am constantly telling them how beautiful their hair is and other people regularly tell them.
But both girls have started saying people are just it to make me feel better about our hair colour.
It's a catch 22 situation.
The oldest girl has been bullied and called ginger idiot and you can't play with us because you have ginger hair.

The whole thing just makes me really sad.

I don't know what to say to them?
Do I say in the past people used to think ginger hair/red hair was not as nice etc or not even tell them that? Then they ask Why did they say that?

I love red hair - it’s so beautiful and I’ve never understood the bullying. Jealousy maybe? Red haired people are usually striking and stand out from the crowd. My great grandmother had beautiful dark red hair that never went grey. I wish I had red hair.

Thankyou for all your comments. I will definitely take your ideas on board xx

I have red hair and was bullied relentlessly through school. As an adult i still regularly have children namecall, throw things and even spit at me. My midwife said that i must have been so glad my baby wasnt ginger like me. Workmates have looked me in the eye and stated they would never date anyone ginger. Its the last acceptable form of discrimination. Could you imagine a comedy show or comedian who made fun of someones ethnicity, the colour of their skin or hair being allowed to get away with it on mainstream, prewatershed tv? So why is it acceptable for reheads to be subject to this? As women its even worse, you are either seen as disgustingly ugly or highly fetishsised as some kind of otherworldly creature. Its time this changed- no one should me made to feel ugly or less of a person because of the colour of their hair or skin.

I haven’t read the full thread and this may have been said previously but it was once pointed out to me by a colleague, that it is the last bastion of prejudice, now that people can’t readily throw about racial and religious slurs. I think maybe the stupid people who have little to offer, like to cling to something like this so that they can assert themselves as superior to a ginger.

Please don't say 'a ginger' - horrid expression.

"I was never bullied and I always thought it was great being different (early 40s now)..... I think it helped that I was a head strong quick witted child that wouldn’t have taken any rubbish from anyone."

Well I wouldn't say the rest of us who were bullied were just little softies with no comeback, that would a gross generalisation. More likely that you were just lucky that you didn't come across any bullies who had internalised the ridiculous concept that ginger hair was to be despised.

EagleSqueak

Sorry to hear of your experiences. It's crap to know that others suffered in the same way. My parents were exactly the same with the "ignore it", "they're jealous", or "just try to keep out of their way" advise. I had a friend at high school who would ask on a daily basis, why I didn't just dye my hair, saying that the bullying couldn't bother me that much otherwise I would do something about it. The problem was that I didn't feel I should be the one to change when the bullies were clearly the ones in the wrong, plus dying it would show them that they had won and I would be forever under their control (plus my parents would have killed me).

Exactly, thumbwitches. I had plenty of practised comebacks, but I could never have hurt anyone the way they hurt me, it wasn’t in my nature and would have made me feel worse, so I just kept quiet.
Now, however, I take no shit from anyone. If I or my family or friends are attacked I’m a lioness, so maybe those bullies did me a favour after all.
I agree with a pp who said the red hair is despised or fetishised, sometimes by the same person. Just weird.

You can't stop other children from making silly comments. All you can do is try to help your children love their red hair.

Why not help them find some red haired style icons? There are so many absolutely beautiful women with red hair. Maybe watch some films which just happen to have fabulous red haired women and girls in? You don't have to say anything or make a big deal of it.

For age appropriate stuff I would suggest The Parent Trap with young Lindsay Lohan and the new Jumanji films with Karen Gillan.

If you end up having to have a proper conversation with them about it, I'd start by pointing out that red hair is slightly unusual and people will often get picked on for something that makes them different. If you're a red haired girl or a kid with a big afro in a sea of ordinary children with brown and blonde pony tails, you're going to stand out from the crowd. But you can't change yourself to blend in so you might as well celebrate it. Some of those very ordinary looking kids are probably secretly jealous of the ones who are striking in some way. (I say that as a girl with a brown pony tail who has always longed for rich copper or auburn hair but knows that it would sadly clash with her skin tone.)

You also need to reassure your daughters that children can be very silly and very unkind about this sort of thing, and she just needs to learn to ignore it, but by the time they are adults everyone around them will have grown up and stopped making comments about their hair, apart from the people who openly say they love it and wish they could have hair like that.

Please don't say 'a ginger' - horrid expression.

I refer you back to the Tim Minchin song posted earlier. I am ginger. I'll call myself a ginger. I'll be annoyed if a non-ginger does it though.

I'd start by pointing out that red hair is slightly unusual and people will often get picked on for something that makes them different. If you're a red haired girl or a kid with a big afro in a sea of ordinary children with brown and blonde pony tails, you're going to stand out from the crowd

Translation ‘It’s your fault you’re different and kids pick on you’

How about ‘Some parents raise their children to be ignorant bullies, unfortunately we can’t cure stupid’

Oh OP this makes me so sad! I do remember negative comments towards people with ginger hair when I was at school (though I was in primary school 20 years ago!) but I definitely thought it had died a death! Obviously just because it seems to disappear the older you get I guess. Red hair is absolutely beautiful and I have never understood the comments to be honest, I pay to have my hair dyed auburn now! Second what some PPs have said, can you try and focus on some books/films/etc. Which have positive characters with red hair? It's so difficult when you are a child though and you don't want to be different.

Translation ‘It’s your fault you’re different and kids pick on you’

No, not at all. Obviously they can't help what colour their hair is.

How about ‘Some parents raise their children to be ignorant bullies, unfortunately we can’t cure stupid’

Well, that too, but "red hair is awesome and these other children are stupid, ignorant bullies but don't worry, red hair is awesome" is a more positive message than "these other children are stupid, ignorant bullies and I've got nothing to say other than that people are awful".

Op I'm a redhead, please don't ignore or dismiss any of the bullying or ill treatment they get as a result and push school to keep on top of it and even if possible to challenge the negative attitudes towards redheads.

My parents were shit on this, just told me to "just ignore them" "sticks and stones" etc fucking useless!

As a result I spent my 20's and most of my 30's as a dyed blonde, it's easier to go brunette but I would have looked ridiculous with dark hair! With deathly white skin and pale brows!

Eventually I made my peace with it and when I let my natural hair colour through had a lot of positive comments. I don't think because red hair prejudice has gone but because generally adults are more careful what they say.

The reasons for red hair prejudice is really irrelevant as they're mostly historical although in my case as for many it links possibly to my heritage (Scot of Irish descent), as of course many Irish catholic's were red heads. So it linked to the prejudice against catholics too (ironically arguably caused by another redhead - Henry viii)

I agree with presenting them as often as possible with positive red headed role models, both historical and current, there are loads of us red heads about.

Read books with them or suggest to them with positive redheaded characters or films/tv.

On the pain thing - we actually have a higher pain threshold, but also can be resistant to the effects of analgesia and anaesthetics.

I've had many years of issues with this until I moved here (parents home town, lots of catholics, quite a few redheads)

I am dentist phobic due to horrific past experiences relating to this, I was so relieved and so grateful upon meeting my current dentist, also a redhead, who when I explained about anaesthetics barely bloody work on me and I'm not being a wimp, they wear off really quickly if they work at all! When his comment was "I understand, my mum & I are exactly the same" he was and continues to be brilliantly understanding and doesn't skimp on the drugs!

This is in contrast to previous dentists and even surgeons who ignored me!

Including my first anaesthetist for my first GA who afterwards admitted he should have listened as I nearly came around during the op and definitely came around properly just as I was being moved from op theatre to recovery room.

It's slowly starting to be recognised as a known phenomenon.

I also had the nonsense of people questioning my parentage as both parents not redheads, but both grans were so that is likely where it's come from although one grandad also had a redheaded mother, genes can be funny things and skip generations

Its been knows for years that redheads have a higher pain threshold. There's also something about people with green eyes (but I forget what that is).

My mum was a (real) blonde and my dad had black hair. If anything my poor brown-haired brother (among a large gand or red-haired sisters) was the one who got the stupid 'what colour hair does the milkman have' comments.

And I had minor surgery with local anaesthetic - he poor surgeon kept pumping in more and more jabs because I could still feel the blade - it wasn't sore just a bit weird and tuggy.

Speaking as a proud ginger, I can tell you it will get better for your DD as she gets older. A turning point for me happened at about the age of 17 when I realised that a) everyone else was trying to find ways to stand out from the crowd but I'd been born with one and b) people making unpleasant comments about my hair (especially boys) was a handy way of identifying arseholes without having to go to the trouble of spending any more time with them.

As a middle aged ginger I think if it as a bit of a superpower- all my non-ginger friends have grey hair now but mine is just a lighter shade of red. I have also been know to intervene (pretending to think the comments were aimed at me) when teenage boys have made unkind comments to red-headed girls in the street- it makes them feel very uncomfortable.

Vikings my arse!

It’s children and idiots looking for an excuse to abuse someone.

I adore red hair! I make a point of complimenting red haired children / their parents, and tell them how special they are to have it. The parents are often grateful

I do too - especially kids with glasses.

I started wearing them as an adult so thank god I didn't have to put up with the 'speccy 4 eyes' my sister got (although she was very tough and was always in scraps with the big boys which she usually won). I usually offer to swap my 'boring old pair' of glasses with the kid's cartoon pr fancy coloured ones - they never say yes though...

Am horrified to hear this OP, its hideous. I'm really sorry your DDs are experiencing this. Have to be honest, both my red haired lovelies, almost 12 and 16 have never experienced this, so sorry to hear their crappy experience.

I'd thought things had moved on from when I was little, clearly not.

In fact - I used to get more crap because of my first name! So I compliment kids on their names too.

I was on a school trip (as a mum) and there was a girl with a very 'ye olde' name that happened to be the name of a queen who had a memorial in the place we went to.

I told the girl about the history of this queen and why she was actually a very special historical character. Her mum sought me out in the schoolyard later to thank me because the little girl came back all excited about her/their name.

I adore red hair! I make a point of complimenting red haired children / their parents, and tell them how special they are to have it. The parents are often grateful

You obviously mean well, but this redhaired parent of a redhaired child wouldn't in the least appreciate being complimented by a total stranger -- it's just another reinforcement of having a visible characteristic that others you for an eight year old. A stranger drawing attention to it, whether it's praise or an insult, just reinforces the idea that a single physical feature is his defining characteristic.

Teach your children not to be bullies is the single best thing you can do.

@JeSuisTresEcule I've had very similar experiences to you, including marrying a darker man.

My heart beats so fast just reading this. Ginger bullying is horrendous and it is akin to racism. We are born with it. We can not change it. We are abused, harassed, tormented and bullied for it. Unfortunately even when reporting it we get told it's not against the law as it's not classed as racism. I still remember Harriet Harman the MP calling a lib dem MP a ginger rodent. Could you IMAGINE if she'd been referring to skin colour, a disability or his sexual orientation instead? Yet no one said or did anything. At that moment I knew this would be with me in every arena in my life.

To those saying it's a thing in England because of a dislike of the Celts - I am from the Highlands of Scotland! I was tormented throughout high school. Not just in school, men shouted at me from passing vans too. Still do sometimes. I stayed home for two years as it was so horrendous. It's such a joke to say the bullies are jealous. They aren't. They are enjoying picking on people and their parents don't see anything wrong with it. No teacher EVER stood up for me. My parents just told me to ignore it. The result? It's all internalised. I will never do or be the things I wanted because I am scared of this one word being hurled at me.

It's never stopped for me unfortunately. In my teens and twenties it switched to men shouting at me. Just as I went about my day.

At work people say nasty ginger comments about other people and I'm meant to be ok with it? My boss told me he doesn't grow a beard cause it grows in gross and ginger. At my own hen do a woman there told me she was worried her brother might have a baby with his ginger girlfriend.

Oh and in Amsterdam I was cycling round a park and a man started shouting ginger at me.

I honestly could list over a hundred incidents without barely thinking about it. They are lodged in my brain and no one understands. But it's all just a joke and they are jealous right

One thing about redheads is that they age better. Studies have shown that, and it’s not just the ‘have to avoid the sun because they burn to a crisp’

Anecdotally I’ve seen this among redheads I’ve known.