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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about my lodger

189 replies

WH1SKERS · 20/04/2020 22:12

I’ve had a lodger for the last two years. Just before lockdown started she moved in with her boyfriend and gave me 4 weeks notice that she was officially moving out ( that’s what’s in her contract ).

So she stopped paying rent yesterday and was supposed to be here today to collect all her things. When she went to her boyfriends she left almost everything here - her bedroom is jam packed with all her clothes and make up, food in her kitchen cupboard and the fridge, bathroom full of her toiletries, jackets and shoes in the hall, plants in the living room etc etc .

She didn’t turn up. When I messaged her she replied that she can’t come to collect her things because of lockdown and she will come at another time when lockdown is over.

I pointed out that she is the one who has chosen to move out during lockdown. And she can’t just leave her stuff here, keep my house keys and pay no rent. And that moving your things out at the end of a tenancy is an essential journey, because she has no right to leave it here.

She has refused to come for it.

She says IABU because the new lodger doesn’t move in until June . But I was hoping to redecorate her room and buy some new furniture (because she has broken it ).

Besides I don’t think that’s really the point. It’s not my job to store her stuff for free.

AIBU?

What should I do ? How long should I give her to collect her belongings ?

OP posts:
ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 21/04/2020 10:18

YANBU. I would tell her either she collects it by the end of April or you'll leave everything out for the refuse collectors to take next bin day. You've been more than accommodating and she's behaving like a twat.

EL8888 · 21/04/2020 10:27

Option 1 she pays rent as the room can't be used or option 2 she collects it ASAP. So what if she's moved an hour away, it was her choice to do that and no one made her. I'm genuinely confused by the suggestions to package it up and take it to her. What did her last slave die of?! This is partly why she's so entitled; she makes a mess and then other people stupidly clear it up for her. I would also change the locks due to her CF ways and take the cost out of her deposit. OP has been flexible but this can't go on forever

@peppermintcapsules exactly!

fairislecable · 21/04/2020 10:33

I have a friend who was moving from one flat to another in London she hired a man with a van to move furniture and belongings, last weekend.

In the legislation moving IS allowed and if stopped by police just tell them.

Lots of students have also had to move.

Tell her to collect her stuff - lockdown is no excuse.

Hoggleludo · 21/04/2020 10:36

You have to give reasonable notice. So you'd have to write a letter. Explain you will store it for (21) days I believe.

Then explain that you'd write another letter saying you'd be getting rid of her stuff.

Hoggleludo · 21/04/2020 10:38

Don't just bin it either!!! As some posters are suggesting. Landlords have a stupidly bad deal here

She CAN sue you if you got rid of her stuff. So you have to give her reasonable notice to come collect it.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/04/2020 10:45

OP - can you get a skip bag to dispose of the soon to be broken up furniture and simply store her belongings in the shed you were going to use for the broken furniture? You could take a day to bag up her belongings and move them to your shed and then another day to break up the furniture and put it into a skip bag (I think they are still being delivered/collected) and then tell your lodger that their belongings have been moved to the shed in plastic bags so it is in their interest to arrange a date/time to collect them or they will be subject to whatever may happen to them in the shed.

ANoiseAnnoys · 21/04/2020 10:53

Dh is a landlord. He clears people’s stuff out straight away if they leave it behind (unless they have come to some sort of agreement).

Never had a problem. It’s their job to move their stuff out, not yours and the covid crisis doesn’t make any difference - dh has had people moving in and out during this time anyway - it’s allowed as long as it’s been arranged beforehand or if there are certain circumstances.

She’s trying it on so you need to call her bluff - tell her to get it on x-date or you will be hiring a skip and billing her the cost (or taking it out of her deposit - does she have one?) And yes, get the locks changed ASAP.

SpillTheTea · 21/04/2020 10:58

I'd tell her I was chucking it outside and she has until x day to come get it.

monkeymonkey2010 · 21/04/2020 11:08

she's making a mug out of you OP.
She chose to 'give notice' so she could spend lockdown with her bf....trial living with him without having to move all her stuff in, keep it at yours for free storage......

i'd reply "That doesn't work for me. I need to empty the room for an 'essential' reason and your stuff is preventing that.
Either come up this week and take it or i'll leave it in boxes outside for you.

She broke your furniture cos she has no respect for you or your home....and now she's pissing all over you again....

lottiegarbanzo · 21/04/2020 11:37

She was a lodger in your home, not a tenant.

She's wrong about 'essential journeys' and you can and must quote her chapter and verse on that.

She cannot give notice, then retain use of the room after the notice period expires. Ask her to find and quote you the written T&Cs that give her a contractual right to do this.

She is far from unusual IME (in normal times), in assuming she can make up rules to suit herself and base her assertions on her own (selfish, ignorant) assumptions about your situation. I've had tenants tell and 'invite' me, overtly and by implication, to do all sorts of things at their convenience and to their completely non-contractual advantage, at my own cost and inconvenience. A lot of people are just self-absorbed fuckwits who think the world (and especially their landlord) owes them a living, on their terms - and that if they suffer any bad luck or inconvenience, you must be the one to mitigate it for them. Sorry for that rant but my point is that her sort of fuckwittery is quite normal. Don't take it personally. Stay calm, firm and contractual.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/04/2020 12:17

Tell her she has five days to collect her stuff, or it's going into storage with her name on it.

Unless they were born yesterday, the storage company will want payment and bank details - you can't just turn up and occupy a unit and then give them the name of some random person and expect them to pursue this stranger for payment.

I agree with the PP that her boyfriend probably doesn't know that she's intending to fully move in. He likely thinks she's staying with him during lockdown hence she's only taken an overnight bag and is borrowing all of his stuff (presumably not his clothes and make-up, though).

I think she's keeping her options open and, come the end of lockdown, she'll see whether her boyfriend has invited her to move in or whether she can gradually move in, one bag at a time, without him really twigging what she's doing until it's all done. Otherwise, she might just be treating it as a lockdown holiday and hoping to move back in with you when it's all over. After all, it's not like you can get somebody else whilst she's using all of her stuff to 'retain' it.

Is she very young? Does she maybe see you as a kind of ersatz parent inasmuch as lots of young adults leave their stuff long-term at their parent's house and said parents may grumble, but don't object strongly because it's their own son or daughter ?

People need to understand that lockdown is really tough for ALL of us. You can ask why you should pay your cleaner or childminder when you aren't getting the service, but why should they have to suffer losing their livelihood? It isn't your fault but neither is it their fault. Why should OP have to 'be reasonable' and give away free services at a cost to herself (of being able to use and prepare/decorate her own house) when the lodger isn't being reasonable by paying for the storage service she's still taking?

Thelnebriati · 21/04/2020 12:44

If I had her address, I'd post it to her.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/04/2020 12:48

If I had her address, I'd post it to her.

Really? Enough stuff to fill a small car?! Would cost more than the unpaid rent.

Original poster
WH1SKERS · 21/04/2020 13:18

I wouldn’t be bothered if it was small enough to post. But there’s the contents of a Ikea Pax 3 section wardrobe thats 2.3m high, two chests of drawers, under bed storage boxes , 4 jackets and and about 6 pairs shoes in the hall and the contents of two kitchen cabinets and one large bathroom cabinet. Misc items such a rug, lamp and bookcase / storage unit which she bought for her make up / beauty products collection.

The bedroom furniture is now broken because it’s stuffed full ( it was new when she moved in ). She has forced the wardrobe doors closed and broken it at the hinges . The mirrored door is cracked. Same with the bottom of the drawers , they have come apart at the corners where the Melamine faced chipboard is split.

Now I’ve listed it all I realise it would never have fitted in the shed. I wasn’t really taking account of the 6 big storage boxes under the bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
WH1SKERS · 21/04/2020 13:25

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Is she very young? Does she maybe see you as a kind of ersatz parent inasmuch as lots of young adults leave their stuff long-term at their parent's house and said parents may grumble, but don't object strongly because it's their own son or daughter ?

You’ve got it. She’s early 20s and yes, shes very immature. But has ALWAYS paid rent / share of bills on time, I’ve never had any trouble that way .

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/04/2020 13:34

You might experience an interruption to your income stream if there is a delay in redecorating the room. That's annoying, but it's not the end of the world.

How do you know it's not the end of the world? You don't know the OP's financial situation.

Nanny0gg · 21/04/2020 13:36

Has she offered payment for the broken furniture?

AlwaysCheddar · 21/04/2020 13:41

Do you still have her deposit?

Original poster
WH1SKERS · 21/04/2020 13:45

She hasn’t offered payment for the furniture and no, I don’t still have a deposit. Silly I know - I wont make that mistake again.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 21/04/2020 13:56

Ugh. Since you don’t have a deposit to recoup some of the losses, I would say all bets are off. Bag up her shit, give her notice and restate the essential journey phrasing and change your locks. Put her stuff in the side area or wherever so she can get it but not enter the house or main property. I’d also hire someone to get rid of the broken furniture.

This sucks. You’re out a lot of money but you don’t have to keep taking this guff from her. All the people saying, “But you have duty of care, etc...” — most likely if you bag up her stuff and leave it out she’s not going to sue you or something. The police will likely side with you anyway because you’ve tried to get her to collect. This is one more thing that will slip through the cracks. I wouldn’t be worried about getting a slap on the wrist from authorities. Just do it and get her gone.

titnomatani · 21/04/2020 14:47

I can't believe you didn't take a deposit from her?! Have you given her a lodger contract or equivalent? If not, it's her word against yours, clear out her stuff and leave it outside and let her worry about the rest. So you could say; I've left your things in bags under the tree/by the shed. Please collect at your convenience. Since they're no longer in my house, there shouldn't be any concerns regards to you flouting any social distancing regulations. Also, please note, I will not be taking any responsibility for the safety/condition of the items while they're left outside.

LonelyFromCorona · 21/04/2020 15:31

Give her a final date to collect by, that allows you some time to redecorate etc. Advise that if she does not confirm she will collect before then you will bag up (bin bags or similar) and store in garden outside until collection. And that you intend to charge her for the effort and time involved from her deposit.

Not sure about Scotland but in England, moving is acceptable reason to be out. So if she was here it would be acceptable to travel between the two properties to move her items.

I suppose she won't want her belongings getting wet, picked at by animals etc, so will get a move on.

AlwaysCheddar · 21/04/2020 16:33

Has she got anything worth selling? Do you need to say she owes you x for broken furniture and not returning keys?

You seem to be very unproactive....

monkeymonkey2010 · 21/04/2020 17:22

she broke all your furniture and you gave her the full deposit back? Shock
See what i mean about cheekyfucks?

You're too soft and she knows how to walk all over you.
Tell her you're having to pay to replace the stuff she's broken - so she either pays for storage or you're leaving everything outside from X date.

monkeymonkey2010 · 21/04/2020 17:23

Or tell her it's ESSENTIAL that you decontaminate her room for the next tenant who arrives on X date - so she can collect her shite or the bin men will