Anyone had a baby at 18?

[Cherrychops100]

What was your experience and any advice? I'm expecting my first little one so please no 'wait until you're older' as it's already happened

I was 19 and it’s hard. I feel like I missed out on a lot of my fun filled 20s which should have been carefree and able to do whatever I wanted and whenever. I did go to uni at 25 and my mum helped me. I went on nights out but there was always mum guilt and I always missed the spontaneous ones. I didn’t have as much money as I do now and would have liked to have been able to do NCT classes and things like playgroups and other stuff.

Sorry but you asked 🤦‍♀️

@EmbarrassedUser
I've never been one to go out or anything, the thought of going clubbing or going on a night out scares me. I'm much more of a sofa and cup of tea person. I've always preferred my own company to doing things with friends. I'm not worried about missing out as before I got a pregnant I didn't feel like I had a purpose, and this little one has made me feel so positive about the future! I guess everyone is different but I genuinely feel like she is my purpose, my reason the carry on

I’m glad for you but don’t underestimate how important it is to have those carefree years, whether you like going out or not. Seems like you’ll be alright though. Is the dad on the scene?

@EmbarrassedUser
Yes he is thankfully, however we don't live together

I had mine at 17, you need a bloody good support network if you want to continue any education.

It is very lonely at times as you're friends will be at a much different point in their lives to you.

It is so incredibly hard but being a mother at any age is. Likewise it is so rewarding and amazing watching that little life you created blossom and grow. You will have ups and downs but you'll be fine.

Also if you're not married I would say give your baby your surname or at least double barrel it - not doing this is my biggest regret.

I had my first daughter at 18, it wasn’t easy per say but I had the support of my partner and my family which made it easier, I don’t regret having my DD’s young at all ( had my second at 21)! If dhats how you are as a Person now I’m wild say you won’t miss too much, I did however miss the freedom as I got older but it soon passed, and the way I see it is when my DD is 16 I will only be 35 😄 so I can have more freedom with my DP 😄

Oh and don't just move in together just because of the baby. Do it when you're ready

I fell pregnant at 18 and had her couple months after turning 19. Shes 15 now. It was absolutely fine. She was four weeks early and my labour was only an hour. I found it fine and enjoyed being a young mum. I had my youngest at 27 and that was harder as I was more tired on the broken sleep than when I'd been younger.

@HopelesslyExhausted
I got really good grades in my GCSE's but wasn't able to go to college due to anxiety and a lengthy stay in hospital. I planed to do an apprenticeship later on as I don't see the point in going to college when I have no idea what I want to do. Baby is having my surname and I've posted about the moving in situations previously. But no, we've lived together before and it didn't work out, so we won't be moving in together

I had my first at 18, he’s now 13.
I had no experience with babies at all but you soon get into the swing of things. It’s not easy however I was lucky to have plenty of support around me.
I’m the same as you OP, never been one for clubbing. Much prefer my home comforts. His dad and I separated when our LO was a year old. We’re on good terms though and he sees him every other weekend now.
Congratulations and good luck!

Agree completely with embarrassed. I was 18. I wasnt a going out type either (still not) but it's the carefree thing. You really do lose your youth.

To answer your question. It was hard. For reasons I would struggle to put my finger on. I think the lost youth and I was single for most of it. I thought I was mature enough - you're just not at 18. You have so much developing to do. I constantly felt the need to prove myself. Going to university at 25 was harder because I needed to work and juggle childcare as well as studying. I'm now settled with a good job and have my shit together... and finally feel ready to have a child. I didn't realise how hard it was at the time or how much I missed out on.

Advice would be: to not think you're like the other 30 year old mums.... you're not. You cant be.
Accept that you and your child are both growing up together. When you finally accept that it becomes easier.
Give yourself a break if you don't get things right or make mistakes. That advice is true for all aged mothers though, we all seem to give ourselves a hard time.
Dont forget who you are. Your child will grow up and move out and move on. You will need to be somebody when she does. So have hobbies just for you that don't revolve around being a mum. When you're 18 and have a kid you feel the need to prove that you're an able mother, so much so that you forget to take care of yourself.

Oh and I agree with a PP. A real positive is having energy. Physically would be harder now even though I'm financially and emotionally more ready.

You seem like you're thinking about this all sensibly which is great. If you did want to go back into education you could always do an access to higher education course to go to uni, which is what I did, or an apprenticeship. You would be able to get help with childcare costs most likely.

I was 19. I found the shame and loneliness the hardest and had really bad PND. I've been lucky and had good support and my eldest is now 9. I've been able to buy a house and build a career. Wasn't easy though.

I had mine aged 17, it was hard. But I had a lot of support from my parents and my PILS. My now DH was a massive help, and we got through it together. Lived at home until they were 6months old. I'm now 26 and they're 9. Lovely children and we're a happy family.

It was tiring though, but its tiring for every new mum! So rewarding and I always say i dont regret a second of it. We dont plan on having anymore, so I got a labrador. Hes a bigger baby than they ever were!

Good luck with your labour and the rest of your pregnancy!

I had my first child at 18, he is twenty-six now! I was like you, very content being at home and loved being a mum and creating a home for us. I never even thought about going out.

Ask for help if you need it, don't doubt yourself and try to see the world through the eyes of your child. The very best to you and your baby, it will be an adventure.

I did, 4 days after my 18th birthday.

To be honest I look back now and see that I went into some kind of shock. I knew I didn't love my DS initially but I felt guilty for not loving him so I watched other mums and tried to imitate them - how they cuddled and interacted with their babies but I know I must have been pretty bad at it.... I was lucky DS was an amazingly easy baby, he basically slept for the first six months, never cried and was good natured and happy to be put down. If he had been challenging (like my second 13 years later), I doubt I would have coped at all to be honest.

I felt very lonely some days, rather disconnected from the world. Some days I felt flat and remote. Some days were good though, and I was happy enough.

I took care of the basics, fed, clothed, cleaned and held him and in the end the love came, but it was almost a year before it did.

My mother wasn't a huge help, she was and is wrapped up in herself, and my father lived far away. DSs dad left the day he found out I was pregnant. I had friends, but teen friends without children so they were doing their thing.

I think if I had the pressure of social media and 'Insta-Mums', that would not have helped at all. I already felt like a failure so I am thankful that came just a few years later.

Now my DS is 21, confident, funny articulate and getting on in the world. We are close. I am proud of him and me for getting through. It was daunting though initially.

I had my daughter at 19. It had its hard times, but at least I had the energy to cope, and I had a great relationship with my Mum, so lots of support.

She's 50 this year, and she has made the whole 50 years a joy. Now I'm knocking on 70, we live together along with her partner. And I couldn't manage without them.

So, enjoy what you've got. No one knows what the future might bring (few predicted C 19, for example). It might be unhappy, but it may be fabulous. Just enjoy your child

I was 17 when I had dd. I didn't know anything about babies, but she's nearly 11 now and pretty awesome, so I didn't do too bad.
Most of my friends disappeared, but I know that can be the case whatever stage you have kids.
Congratulations and good luck.

I did but I was a lone parent so it was extra hard.

Now she's older I love that I had her young as we have 'grown up together' and I am much more active and fun than a lot of other parents. I also feel like I am still young enough to be able to do things once she leaves school.

However, it was very difficult at the time. Having a baby at any age is hard but I think losing most of your friends or seeing them travelling the world, getting good jobs etc is really difficult. It makes it feel as though your life is more difficult and lonely as everyone is getting on with their lives.

My biggest advice would be to join as many parenting clubs as you can so you can make friends as having people around you in the same boat makes everything easier.

It was hard but I don't regret it.

I had dd1 at 15.
It was hard and thankfully my parents were supportive although they were devastated.
At 18 we moved into our own flat. I was working full time dd was at nursery.
I missed out on a lot of my childhood and at work i could never go on nights out because i had dd.
Dd was the best thing to happen to me although i would never want it for my dd's.

I’m 20 and just had my first. It’s so hard. It’s lonely. Especially in times like this. Would I change it? Absolutely not! I love my little girl and she makes me so happy. I have the best support around me which I’m grateful for, although they can’t support me much at the minute but I know they’re still there. I’m also like you, a home bird - would choose to stay in with a takeaway and film any day.

Financially, I’m very stable too which I would say is quite important when having a baby.

Good luck, OP

I did, I'm now 40 with a 6 month old grandchild which is wonderful but I do sort of feel that I hadn't finished parenting (still have a 15 year old at home) and now I'm on grandma duty, though not at all at the moment. I love my granddaughter as much as my children, can't get enough of her but I'd planned to move away, travel when mine had all moved out.
Anyway, I missed out on loads by having children young. I was skint and made some terrible decisions but we all got through it.
I have a good job now and money to spare and go on holiday 3 times a year etc.
My friends who have just had children say they envy me, so I don't know which way is better, but good luck with everything, just be the best parent you can of course!!

before I got a pregnant I didn't feel like I had a purpose

It sounds like you have depression. See a GP if you can, or self refer to NHS talking therapies. You're having a baby, and the best mental health will help you on that journey to raising your little girl. Congratulations

I was 21 when I had my first DC. I would say support is a really big factor and obviously not easy at the moment but I would say try not to isolate yourself too much after the baby and found I really enjoyed playgroups at first I felt awkward but once you start going more its lovely to get friends. But I had moved from all my friends and family. All the best op