When it comes to house stuff, who is the boss?

[GettingFatterByTheDay]

I wanted crazy paving. DH said no so that was the end of that.

I wanted turf instead of real grass but DH said no so that was the end of that.

I wanted the scruffy computer put in an office upstairs and to keep the dining room as a dining room but DH said no so that was the end of that.

I’m getting a bit fucked off with it now if I’m honest!! I want garden gnomes and fun stuff for the garden but dad says no ... I feel like a child having to natter their dad for new toys.

It’s not a money issue.

I am. No compromise. No discussion!

The only thing (as a matter of personal taste) that I agree with you about is the computer going upstairs and having a proper office.

In our house, we discuss it all but I do mostly get my way (he admits I'm better at decor and as long as it's in budget he doesn't mind). However, if he really hated it we wouldn't do it.

I just do it. He gets informed as and when.

Turf? Isn't turf real grass then?

I'm with coffee. I don't ask, I just do. Or announce I'm doing stuff to the house. I'm lucky my oh is laid back and doesn't mind what choices I make as long as I'm not asking him to do the manual labour. Sometimes he suggests stuff and I get it done to make him happy. He wants a hot tub so we are saving for one etc. Give and take innit.

I always thought turf was real grass?

He also wants fake turf, he's winning me over on that one. But only if I get a massive humungous TV fixed to the lounge wall (he thinks this is tacky)

Do you mean plastic astroturf, OP?

major decisions like furniture the new cooker we made the decision between us, OH is better at finding stuff but I got to pick which wood for the wardrobe and which finish for the cooker, decorating and carpets we picked between us ones that both of us liked, the garden we split near the house I got my patio the other half of the garden he is going to turn into a veg patch so a compromise again and both happy your OH shooting down in flames with a singular NO sounds very controlling

Turf ... looks shit and is expensive
Crazy paving ... old fashioned
Gnomes/ornaments ... tacky
Computer upstairs ... just “no”

Apart from the computer issue, he’s completely right.

Are we having parallel lives? Lol

Although my dh said no gnomes, we now have a football gnome (how could he say no to a gift of a gnome in his team's strip?) which was followed by a big Buddha head and a gargoyle (they're not technically gnomes and he only said no to gnomes. Lol).

I've given in on the real grass he wants which means we have a mud pit for the 3rd year in a row. I'm working on the loophole for this - I'm thinking wild flower lawn. Lol

I find it best to just do what i want (as a lovely 'surprise' for him lol) rather than make suggestions cos he'll just want the opposite if i do. Long as i can phrase it as a gift for him and not something i wanted at all, he seems fine.

My DH is like that and I just go along with it as I like a quiet life. If I really really want something though I will argue, I'm not that much of a drip but I do let him make a lot of our decisions. The thing is he is generally more sensible than me so it's probably the right one when I think about it afterwards.

Start saying no to things he tries to do or wants to do. Then say you're too stressed and tired to discuss it. Hide upstairs for a bit.

Basically copy his behaviour see how he likes it

Do it anyway, half your home too.
We personally comparmise though, he wanted a home gym (something I can’t use) in the dining room so I turned our bedroom and front room into my own library. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Works well for us.

Gnomes arent permanent or costly so just get them. Move the computer upstairs. He gets 2 things you get 2 things.

crazy paving is very retro😂

Why don’t you just buy a computer if you want one?

Me. I don't really value my 2 year old's opinion on domestic matters.

Normally I'd say it should be a joint decision, but you obviously have awful taste and need to be overruled. This made me laugh far more than it should have.

Are you just accepting his ‘no’ as final? My DH doesn’t mind what I want to do, but if he did, I’d turn it back on him. Tell your DH that he needs to find a new place for the computer because it’s driving you mad and it can’t stay there. If he doesn’t want to turn one of the bedrooms into an office, he needs to come up with an acceptable alternative. Tell him he needs to find a solution to the garden becoming a bog every year because it looks rubbish and you hate it.

No one is boss, we discuss everything and either agree, disagree or compromise. Some things are a no go from the start though. I wanted exposed floor boards and was told absolutely not too draughty and cold, she wanted a feature wall, I said no way, I think they’re very hard to do well and often look cheap. Some things there’s no need for a lengthy discussion about because you just hate them and can’t be convinced otherwise.

DH used to be a bit like that. We would discuss stuff like that to death until one of us (usually me) caved. It went on until he wanted to buy a special lawnmower. Way overpriced in my opinion and not necessary. I brought up the point that i usually mow the lawn, because im a sahm. He then declared that if i let him buy the lawn mower he will be in charge of mowing the lawn.
We bought the lawn mower and he regretted it after a month.
I keep reminding him when we have another house discussion, which usually shoots it down, because he still hates mowing the lawn all the time

I am very definitely the boss! 😄 However we always talk things over together. Most times he's not that bothered so I have what I want. If he does care about something we discuss it and because I usually get what I want if I don't hate it he can have what he wants. If I do hate it we find a compromise. I would definitely veto the astroturf and the crazy paving. If he really wanted a gnome he could have one but only if it was somewhere nobody could see it. We would discuss the reason for the computer going upstairs and go with whatever conclusion made most sense.

DH was like this for years and years. Just said no to things, no discussion. I got so used to it until I suddenly realised it pissed me off. So I stopped discussing stuff. Just did the things I wanted to do.

Turf is real grass. It’s not grass seed but it is real grass. Other than that, unless you’re posting from the 1970’s, crazy paving and gnomes are awful.

Well I don't know, you should have a say but then crazy paving, turf and an upstairs computer aren't anything that I'd go for so he might have a point. Especially if you ended up with some other grass and paving.

If you want garden ornaments just buy some, I wouldn't ask permission for stuff like that. If it's going to cost £100+ I'd probably give my husband a say.

If my DH came and said he wants astro turn or crazy paving that would be flat out no and only discussion there would be about whether he hit his head before coming up with that. And I am usually for discussing things!

The PC is a valid point though. No reason for it not to be in one of the bedrooms.