AIBU to message my DCs?

[NeverGuessWho]

My STBExH and I have very recently separated. It’s coming up to two weeks, so this is all very new. Nothing re contact arrangements has been formally agreed with solicitors, and I haven’t yet filed for divorce.

I genuinely don’t know if IABU or not, and am fully prepared to be told that I am.

The DCs are 10, 12 and 14 and are at their dad’s this weekend. Tonight I have phoned two of them. One because I’d received a text message saying that a parcel had been delivered 2 days ago, and wanted to check if it had actually been delivered, and my DD to discuss arrangements for tomorrow.

I have just received a text from H telling me that we need to set some ground rules, as he is finding me texting and phoning the children disrespectful to him.

I have absolutely no problem if he messages and/or phones the children when they are at my house. I told him this in my reply to his text.

I could understand if they were younger, and me contacting them was unsettling them, and making it harder for him to get them to sleep, for example, but this is absolutely not the case.

AIBU?

I think phoning is quite invasive and annoying but texting is fine, as long as you're not one of those "you must reply immediately or you're grounded" types. It's ridiculous to say you can't text.

It isn't the df's time with the dc... It's dc's time with df. If they feel the need to contact their dm surely they are entitled to do that?.

I can see it from his side. He probably just wants to enjoy his time with the kids and not have to think about all the other stuff. Let him have his time with the kids. You have your time.

@Windyatthebeach....They aren't contacting mom. She is contacting them

I know - meant an overall rule. Nobody should give their dc a phone and ban contacting a parent with it...

Just to update: I have told the DCs they can contact their DF anytime they want to, and he can freely contact them, when they’re with me.

I put their dad’s address on the parcel for my son, because, I wasn’t sure what date it would arrive, but I knew I would likely be at work, whereas H would be at home (furloughed). The parcel was for our son, so although I bought it, I didn’t think it was unreasonable for it to be delivered to his dad’s house, as he is there 50% of the time.

I sent a text to H after I read the answers on this thread, asking him to specify if and when, and under what circumstances me contacting the children would be agreeable to him, if at all - he didn’t reply. I pointed out that it was bizarre to interpret me contacting our children, as a sign of my personal disrespect towards him, and told him that I have zero problem with him contacting the DCs when they are with me.

His unreasonable (IMO) behaviour has more to do with control, and pissing me off/upsetting me than thinking it’s in the DCs’ best interests.

Thanks wise knees! ☺️

My exh also thought he was The Boss, if not God himself when it came to having all the say..
Dc went nc with him eventually.

I think it’s ridiculous you can’t contact your kids when you like.

He's being a dick. You were only asking a question.

I don’t think it’s fair to ever say to children they’re not ‘allowed’ to have contact with either parent whenever they want. That goes both ways as parents should be allowed to contact children.

Children of the age to have their own phones also can ignore calls and texts if they don’t want to take them.

I think he needs to grow the fuck up and put the kids first without dictating rules just to control you.

I text and ring my son when he is at his dads, and he texts and calls me. His dad encourages it too, likewise when he is with me, his dad texts and calls him and i encourage him to text and call back. We are both his parents and is we were still together we would have communication with him daily, so not sure why it should change