To use online shopping

[Karlkennedyslovechild]

Bracing myself for this one in case it goes against me.

So I’m a frontline NHS worker. 2 DCs under 6. DH is self employed and WFH. He’s got work to be doing but has taken on the brunt of the childcare when I’m at work. As he’s not a key worker they’re not going to school or nursery. This means we’re earning less as he’s doing less hours and working evenings and weekends.
We’re in a better position than a lot of people and I really haven’t been moaning (well a little about my crappy PPE). Work has been stressful and both of us are either working or parenting solo when the other is working so there’s little relief.
We’ve been getting our shopping from Ocado for over 6 year. In fact I’ve been doing weekly online shopping since 2007 and can’t stand trying to do it any other way. Been getting a delivery every 7-10 days during lockdown as we’re smartpass customers.

So a friend has just shared a WhatsApp message pleading with people not to get online deliveries unless they have to as her elderly parents are struggling. Now I’m torn. I know it’s a first world problem but I’ve already given up my cleaner (still paying her) and I really want to throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum at the thought of giving up my Ocado deliveries. God,I think I sound like a spoiled brat.

So AIBU?

Sainsbury’s normally have lots of slots. I’ve booked them for my elderly FIL on my account. My sister, parents and MIL have all been able to book slots. They all live in different parts of the country.
I think people look once a day and give up if there’s nothing there. Has your friend actually been going online constantly to see if there are slots for him.
YANBU in taking a delivery.

If you can get a slot then use it. Everyone is entitled to use the service.

I don't think you are in the wrong.

If you are front line NHS that surely means medical?
So if you get sick your team would suffer?
Or you could spread it before you had symptoms.

Maybe your friend isn't trying hard enough to get slots.

My sibling and I are doing online for our elderly mum but she herself has also been able to access local shops doing local deliveries- suggest this to your friend.
My mum can get meat, eggs, fruit/ veg and baked goods from local small suppliers.

When I have tried to book slots I go on 3-4 times a day . The slots appear unavailable but then suddenly some appear for the next couple of days.

If her parents are very old they should contact Sainsburys who are holding some slots for the elderly.

Maybe tell your friend about the Morrison’s food boxes. They seem to have availability. It’s not for her to tell others what to do but maybe she could try harder to help her relatives get food rather than shaming others.

I have a disability, my family & I are self isolating for 12 weeks, but I completely understand why others need delivery slots too, keep it OP.

I agree with other posted here - you have nothing to feel guilty about doing this

Carry on ordering online and ignore the WhatsApp message.

Even if you give your slot up, there’s no guarantee it would go to a vunerable person, and almost zero chance of it going to her relative.

For those who can't get slots, M&S are doing food and veg and fruit boxes now and they look pretty good!

www.marksandspencer.com/l/gifts/food-boxes

We had a weekly recurring slot with Asda before this started and I'm loath to cancel it because we might not get it back for a long time, so we are keeping it and just buying extra bits for friends and family when we can. If they told me it would 100% go to someone in need if I cancelled, then I would, but it'll just go to whoever is fastest when the slot comes free 🤷‍♀️

YANBU

I’m not NHS etc, I still have a shopping slot (pure luck) this week and have had one the last four weeks. I counteract my ‘guilt’ by adding the requirements of two elderly neighbours to it.

I've been on the other side, as am shielding and have only in the last week managed to get a slot.

I appreciate its hard for you, and added pain in the arse, but atm life's hard for everyone. You taking the slot mean people at serious risk from the virus and leaving my child an orphan, they only have one parent as it us!

Please take the hit on this and give up your slot. It could save lives. For you it just saves time and aggravation.

Don't give your slot up, as pp have said you are more likely to catch and spread the virus without realising than other people so online shopping may be helping keep people safe.
I'm with Morrisons and they seem to be doing well freeing up slots, I'm a single parent and in the vulnerable group so I rely on the online deliveries. I've been lucky so far with keeping a frequent delivery but I check several times per day. Your friend should be doing that to try and help her parents rather than guilt tripping other people.

Her frustration over the slots should be directed at the store, not you. You didn’t take the one and only slot they had. It’s not your fault if there are not enough slots. Supermarkets pay people good money to plan the resources needed for online deliveries - tell her to whine to those people. Her parents are not your responsibility.

And don’t be guilt-tripped by the “my child will be an orphan if you have an Ocado delivery” brigade. There is plenty of help for those in the shielding group (almost all of whom appear to be MNers also, it seems). The government is even delivering food parcels to them and stores have special slots reserved just for their deliveries.

Yes go for it, here there are quite a few slots even a few hours after they are released, so I tend to book one if we need food as DH is working away and I would have to use (the very limited) public transport to get anywhere more than a corner shop. Everyone has their reasons, all valid imo.

Solomummy, but how does op giving up slot offered her by her regular supermarket guarantee someone more needy will get it?!

I don't do online shopping but keep reading that vunerable people are going without food because they can't get slots. This isn't aimed at you OP but I do think that people who are perfectly able to do their own shopping but carry on taking a slot that could be used by a vunerable person are being selfish. I know there's no way to guarantee that a spare slot would go to someone in need but I wish there was

If there was a way to guarantee that the slot would go to someone vulnerable that would be a good thing but otherwise if you have been offered it what should you do, give it up only for someone less vulnerable to take it?

@Macncheeseballs
It won't guarantee it, but it's certainly not going to happen if op has it, will it?

Nope don’t give it up. There is no guarantee the slot will go to a shielded person. It might just be absorbed by Ocado who don’t now have a delivery truck in your area at that specific time for someone else

Thanks everyone. Yes I agree I am definitely a higher risk of spreading it around a supermarket than your average person. I think Ocado stopped taking any new customers when they were struggling at the beginning of all this so I’m not sure me sacrificing my slot would help anything.

YANBU. I’m not a frontline worker, but WFH. I don’t have the energy to pop out to the supermarket after an 8 hour shift, to stand in a queue for an hour. I’ve had delivery for years and will continue to do so. You should do what’s right for you, and if others want to be judgemental just let them crack on.

I agree with the above poster. Some people are a bit sniffy about online shopping and say they prefer to choose fruit and veg themselves. Fair enough.

When I first began with Tesco 18 years ago I was a busy professional living in an area with no shops . I preferred online delivery for the convenience. I am not a foodie and buy the same things more or less each week. As I became more disabled and had to give up working i relied on Tesco more and more for my basic shopping. Even if I got a taxi to the nearest supermarket I could not physically queue or walk around it.

I have priority access (as Im on the government list) so I have been managing a weekly slot as usual. Im also buying some things for my next door neighbour who is at home with young children - the supermarkets are not very child friendly at the moment. So I have no compunction about getting a weekly slot at Tesco.

Everyone has their own priorities.

I’ve been getting online deliveries for years and I’m still booking a weekly slot. It’s a 20 mile round trip to town and I have no need to go there for any other reason so while I can avoid town I’ll be doing so.

We have less pressure here than in UK, but still significant. We are online grocery shoppers for many years also. DH and I both still working FT from home and managing DD's needs (school, exercise etc - important as she is ASD/ADHD). I am on the vulnerable list due to asthma requiring steroid inhaler daily.

So I have felt somewhat guilty but continued to organise myself ahead of time with grocery slots. We were prepped ahead of time for many items but not all, and we need fresh too.

I have managed to get a slot every week up to early May. It requires being organised and planning ahead. But I have also been lucky enough that, on Easter week when there was huge extra pressure and a lot of community helpers doing shopping for more vulnerable people, we had enough to get us through the Easter weekend (even if not with a nice roast/chocolate eggs/hot cross buns etc), and leave shopping until 1 of us could go in person midweek last week, so I gave up my slot that weekend as it wasn't vital.

In fact, most weeks, the shopping has come between 1 and 3 hours early, so while I know they are adding in deliveries that come by phone and email rather than the online system (from hearing the managers while I've been instore 1 week for extra milk), but seem to be managing ok.

I'm trying to use my slots sensibly, getting plenty of fresh stuff, topping up store cupboard items we have used, and also being flexible as many things are not coming having gone out of stock between ordering and delivery. I am also offering to add items for others on our street - we are doing a shared bread order to the local bakery once a week for example, and for my retired DAunt living alone nearby.

We're both working. I've paid Sainsbury's £60 for an anytime slot that I've had for the last 8 years and they have no slots for regulars. Not even click and collect. Fine, if they're prioritizing other people, but tried to broach getting my money back and just got automated bollocks about how they're busy. Ex customer here!