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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

crowdfunding?

48 replies

winterhome · 19/04/2020 12:55

My sister is coming out of an abusive relationship. She lives in a large house with a beautiful garden in a peaceful area with lots of fun things to do with children within a short drive. She wants to use her house to set up a charity for women with children who are in emotionally or financially abusive relationships to take a break with their children, and also for families with children who would not normally be able to have a similar holiday, which effectively pays for the holiday, food, cost of going to local attractions. For women in abusive relationships with children it would be a chance to have some head space so that they could think about what to do, and to enjoy fun family things in a normal way. However, the real sticking point here is that her ex has a stake in the house valued at around 100K and until she buys him out, which without funding would take years, he is going to continue to play games. The charity would not benefit her financially, but the buying out of ex would. I think crowdfunding would be ok for both. She thinks asking for the 100K would be CF. What do you think?

YABU - 100K plus charity funds is ok

YANBU - only charity funds ok

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 19/04/2020 13:08

suggest

  1. she/you look at the guidance on the charity commission website.
  2. have a think/conversation with existing refuge charities about security

Does you sister plan to continue living in the house, which a percentage of which would be the resources of the charity?
www.gov.uk/guidance/how-to-register-your-charity-cc21b#charities-that-dont-have-to-register/

Or do you really meant just get lots of gullible people to fund the outright purchase of your sisters home for her on a crowd funding platform.

ivfgottostaypositive · 19/04/2020 13:13

The charity would have to be registered and then the house stake would need to be put in the charities name I guess - presumably your sister then would be living there and not paying rent to the charity for its share of the house and then what would happen in a year or two if it didn't work and then the charity was dissolved where would the £100k share of the house go.....to be honest as a cynical casual observer I would say it all looks a bit dodgy and the "charity" is a convenient way of her gaining full ownership of a house she wouldn't otherwise be able to afford....

Tink88 · 19/04/2020 13:16

I'm just wondering how big a house is it in a great area with lots of attractions around for families for that price

Sargass0 · 19/04/2020 13:20

Where would the support workers live?
What happens if address is disclosed to a perp? Who keeps the residents and your sister safe?

Lovely idea but best to keep it as just that.

pasturesgreen · 19/04/2020 13:23

I honestly can't see how that would work. Huge security issues is the first thing that springs to mind.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2020 13:26

I can't see how it would work either. Inviting complete strangers to live in her home with her? Does she have any DC?

Also, what happens if it doesn't work out or if she gives it up in a couple of years? She would have been 'gifted' 100k?

Sargass0 · 19/04/2020 13:27

Your sister will also need trustees.

MikeBawldwinsBras · 19/04/2020 13:27

I think she sounds like a nice person but doesn't have a clue what she'd be doing.

I wouldn't contribute to anything like that and don't think it's appropriate to ask the public for money till she knows what it would entail.

MikeBawldwinsBras · 19/04/2020 13:29

And without an actual plan it sounds very much like a 'give me money to but out my ex' con.

heartsonacake · 19/04/2020 13:33

It’s a nice idea, but without clear and up to date knowledge on how it would all work she would BVU to even think about starting crowdfunding.

If she wants to do it she shouldn’t be thinking about how she’ll afford it at this stage, she should be thinking about how it would be able to work.

Original poster
winterhome · 19/04/2020 13:37

The charity is all thought through, all the things raised here have been thought through. The only question was the 100K. The charity would be set up after she had paid that off, without funding, it is a long term plan.

@tink88 the 100K isn't the value of the house, it is just the value of the stake the ex still has.

OP posts:
MikeBawldwinsBras · 19/04/2020 13:42

What do you mean the charity is all thought through? She knows where she'd get the money? Knows how to set up the house to be used as a charity with all relevant H and S and safeguarding and staffing?

And how she'd take referrals? How they'd be assessed and triaged? Through which agencies they'd come from? The funding coming from where? How to handle complaints? There are thousands of things to think of.

Sargass0 · 19/04/2020 13:43

in that case asking for crowd funding to buy her ex out is the true intention and the charity is an add on to make it appear morally ok. Very dubious

SouthWestmom · 19/04/2020 13:50

How would this work?

There is zero chance my ex would have allowed me to take a break from our relationship without him, he would have assumed I was off meeting other men and assaulted me either before I left or found me. And if by some small chance I'd been allowed to go, the return home would have been terrifying not knowing what I'd be accused of.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 19/04/2020 13:54

It all sounds a bit naive to me. Is she actually going to sign the house over to the charity? If not then it's not OK to crowdfund for woman's refuge if a substantial part of that money would be going to buying her ex out of her own house. What if the charity fails or is no longer viable what will happen to the house? Will she just keep it? What is her experience in running a charity and helping women in abusive relationships. Is she working closely with established organisations?

Wingedharpy · 19/04/2020 13:55

Sorry OP.
Bad idea.
Your DS needs to sort her own life out first before she can consider being of assistance to anyone else.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 19/04/2020 13:56

The charity would be set up after she had paid that off, without funding, it is a long term plan.

So she's crowd funding to raise money to buy her ex out of her house and then after the house is in her name she promises to set up a charity to help women in abusive relationships? No that's not OK. Her personal finances need to be separate from the charity's. She'd be better off fundraising for an existing women's charity and sorting out her own financial situation with her ex separately.

CodenameVillanelle · 19/04/2020 13:58

Bad idea.
Your DS needs to sort her own life out first before she can consider being of assistance to anyone else.

This^

onalongsabbatical · 19/04/2020 14:06

I think in general people wanting to set up new charities rather than working with and/or supporting existing ones is always a bad idea. Tell her to contact Women's Aid and ask them what's needed. They've been around a long time, if they think anything about her idea has legs they'll tell her, but I suspect not.

Winter2020 · 19/04/2020 14:09

Why can't she get a mortgage for the 100k she needs to buy her ex out?

Pinkblueberry · 19/04/2020 14:13

There are over 100,000 registered in this country, many supporting the same cause because for some reason, although I’m sure we’ll meaning, people decide to start one up for themselves in response to the loss of a loved one or having overcome difficulties. Why not raise money for an existing charity?

MikeBawldwinsBras · 19/04/2020 14:17

I'm in a shit amount of debt but I promise if the public give me money to pay it off, i'll then set up a charity to make peoples lives easier 😀

OscarWildesCat · 19/04/2020 14:23

Nope, bad idea, I think it's a nice thought but it doesnt sound like she really knows what she is doing.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 19/04/2020 14:25

This is a really bad idea. If she has just come out of an abusive relationship she is not yet ready to help others, and cant afford it

fuckinghellthisshit · 19/04/2020 14:27

Please advise your DS to work in a shelter or refuge for years first, gaining experience and understanding of a multifaceted problem.