crowdfunding?

[winterhome]

My sister is coming out of an abusive relationship. She lives in a large house with a beautiful garden in a peaceful area with lots of fun things to do with children within a short drive. She wants to use her house to set up a charity for women with children who are in emotionally or financially abusive relationships to take a break with their children, and also for families with children who would not normally be able to have a similar holiday, which effectively pays for the holiday, food, cost of going to local attractions. For women in abusive relationships with children it would be a chance to have some head space so that they could think about what to do, and to enjoy fun family things in a normal way. However, the real sticking point here is that her ex has a stake in the house valued at around 100K and until she buys him out, which without funding would take years, he is going to continue to play games. The charity would not benefit her financially, but the buying out of ex would. I think crowdfunding would be ok for both. She thinks asking for the 100K would be CF. What do you think?

YABU - 100K plus charity funds is ok

YANBU - only charity funds ok

Thanks to everyone. My only question was about the 100K, and I note all the responses, it would be considered to be CF.

VERY CF-ery!

I really hope that I am not the only one seeing the irony in some of these responses.

What irony?

Plus her ex- an abuser would know that she is housing vulnerable women...?
What would stop him continuing his abuse towards your sister and potentially traumatising others in the household?
Not a healthy environment for abused women really is it?

I think it's awful.

Basically scamming people out of 100k and trying to dress it up as 'charity'.

But if people are silly enough to donate, then more fool them.

The things people would come up with to get easy money to get your way. Of course the charity idea is just an excuse.

I think the only irony is crowdfunding to support abused women with all the proceeds going to an abuser...

As someone who left an abusive relationship and went to a refuge, with my child. It takes more than a nice house and a good location.

There are a variety of people, from different backgrounds. Your sister might not get on with them all?

You'd need support workers, programmes, support groups and more than just a house. I genuinely would not feel comfortae fleeing to a strangers home.

The 100k crowd fund seems like a grab for a settlement to me. It's a nice thought, but your sister could potentially be opening her own child up to safeguarding risks due to the unknown people in your home and the potential for serious violence.

Would it even be legal?

Oh and I'm almost certain that you need to be free of said relationship for at least a year to even be considered for work in this area. It's a trauma that requires recovery. The more I think about this, the more your sister seems to be playing saviour with no clue! Dangerous.

If your sister is coming out of an abusive relationship then she needs to sort herself out before 'rescuing' others - this could take months/years. She does not want to be in another situation where she feels vulnerable or overwhelmed in her own home.

When the time is right perhaps she could help by volunteering/ fundraising for a women's refuge. A friend of mine was told she needed more hands on experience with children when she wanted to foster - so she volunteered with charity that took disadvantaged kids on hiking/camping trips often driving the van.

You have to be transparent where any funds are going

You can’t say X will be spent on a new playground and then spend some on building a tennis court - it’s illegal

Sorry didn't read the only interested in the 100k responses

She would have to get a mortgage to buy him out. If shes serious about the charity, she would have to sign the house deeds over to the charity. If the charity foreclosed, then the house sale pays off debts. Is it really worth it?

Even if it was not morally dubious I doubt whether or not she would be able to raise that kind of money.

Irony?

i highly doubt she would be able to raise anywhere near 100k through crowdfunding. giving someone money to buy out her husband from a house that could be potentially - but not definitely - be used as some kind of women’s refuge isn’t likely to appeal to people’s giving nature. not when there are a lot of already established women’s charities that have been around for years. if i saw a fundraiser for this i’d just think it was a scam tbh.

There's really no irony in the responses. You can't profit from a charitable cause. While it's lovely that your DS wants to help other women in abusive relationships she does need to think carefully about what she's actually capable of offering. At the moment she needs to focus on recovering herself and sorting her own finances. She can then think about volunteering for an established women's charity. The most efficient way to help similar women will be volunteering or raising money for a charity which already exists so already has the infrastructure and expertise to provide immediate, discreet and safe help to women in incredibly complex and challenging situations.

No, it is fucking cheeky to ask people for 100k to pay off the rest of the house for her. No ones going to donate to that. It’s possibly illegal aswell. The room for dishonesty is immense. You can’t ask people to buy a house for you on the promise that you’ll then set it up as a charity when you’ve paid it off. If she wants to set up a refuge then tell her to rent and register a suitable building and the fund raise for the upkeep. Not ask for people to pay for her private house for a refuge

Can she get a mortgage for the £100k? If the house is big enough then there will be a big LTV (loan to value)

If your sister had any experience of dealing with abused women or running a charity she would know this idea is incredibly flawed.

Both choices are completely unreasonable