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Original poster

The exchange of energy in

33 replies

Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 11:39

I was reading a spiritual book some time ago.

It said "if people knew how much energy is exchanged during sex, they would be very, very careful about who they had sex with"

What do you think about this?

A few years ago, I was less choosy. If the man's life wasn't going great, I would have sympathy for him. When I should have been much more choosy who I let near me.

Two years ago, I was successful, wealthy, I had a great work ethic. I started seeing a man who was living at home with his mother, he was poor. But he was going back to college. He was also moody. I was sympathetic to him, that he was going through a tough place in his life. However, I began to see that he was poor due to laziness. That if anyone pointed out a part time job to him - he would refuse to do it. He became moody and bad tempered. I also began to suspect that he was doing some kind of drugs.

I had sex with him, and was sympathetic and kind to him. Months later he dumped me on my birthday. Of course I wish that I hadn't been with him. This was two years ago, and I really feel that I haven't been myself since.

I used to be really, kind, nice, successful, and had a good work ethic.

After I was with him, My personality has changed, I am moody, angry, lazy. My friend met me after him, and said "wow you have become so angry". After him, I left my well paid job and went travelling for a few months, and then came back and worked part time for a little bit and then I have been unemployed for a long tome. I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything.

He is now successful. I really think that he took all of my good energy at the time, and left me with his bad energy. I miss my old self.

Do you think that we take people's energy during sex?

OP posts:
AllPlayedOut · 19/04/2020 11:40

No.

Pertella · 19/04/2020 11:44

No

Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 11:45

I have never been the same since.

I used to care so much about people, and go and volunteer abroad.

Now I don't care about anyone, and I barely move off the couch.

I miss my old self so, so much. But I can't seem to be that person again.

I think that we definitely exchange energy during sex

I just want to warn people to be careful who you have sex with, you are letting them and all of their problems into your body

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 19/04/2020 11:48

No.
I believe if you fall for less than great people then your life may have a knock on effect as a result, but that’s to do with your feelings and subsequent vulnerability rather than sex.

And you can’t blame a failed relationship for all the things going wrong in your life, after a certain point the onus is on you to rebuild.

Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 11:52

@sparklesocks I honestly believe that he took so much energy from me and I so so wish that I hadn't been with him.

I was working, volunteering all over the world in my holidays, nice and kind to everyone.

He was not working, he was lazy, he was nasty about people, he was nasty to me in the end.

I have just totally changed. Lazy, don't care about things, snappy, angy, I never volunteer abroad anymore because I couldn't care less about people suffering . That is him not me! Everyone has noticed it.

I really think we need to be more aware of what happens during sex. It is not just physical, you take their energy deep inside you

OP posts:
TemoraryUsername · 19/04/2020 11:56

Yes and no.

I think that for a number of woo and non-woo reasons, we should be careful who we spend time with, and yes, especially careful who we are intimate with.

Like you, I haven't always done that.

There have been times when I have been in a physical location or with a person and I haven't been able to shake off a grotty feeling. Those times I have benefited from a process known as clearing, which can be done in many ways but is essentially using intention to tell the unhelpful energy to bugger off. Does it work on a psychosomatic basis rather than actual invisible energy - I'm not sure, but it works to help me to shift state. There are oodles of ways you can do it, or get somebody who does often it to do it for you. Might be worth a try for you.

Mumsnet users are on the whole pretty unfriendly to woo, and I expect this thread to go downhill rapidly - but you're welcome to pm me if you'd like to carry on the conversation.

Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 11:57

For example, not me- but picture two other people.

There is a nice, kind woman, who has sex with someone who is a drug addict. Maybe she didn't know it at the time.

Do you think that will affect her?

She is letting a drug addict very close to her system.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 11:59

@TemoraryUsername yes, we should be so careful who we are intimate with.

I am very interested in hearing about clearing. I just want to get his energy out of me! And go back to myself.

OP posts:
Zombiemum1946 · 19/04/2020 12:04

No.
If that was the case my dh would be more patient and tidyer round the house and car. This is more likely down to you suffering from stress and depression. Get therapy and get your life back.

LolaSkoda · 19/04/2020 12:05

I think you’re blaming him and using him as an excuse for feeling shit.

WforWumbo · 19/04/2020 12:06

Perhaps when somebody you considered to be much less successful and motivated than you,'dumped' you, it made you feel low and angry? Maybe in turn it made him feel 'hey I can do anything'. I don't know if you're specifically talking about an intangible force flowing through people, in which case I would say no, or if you're talking about psychological influences etc, in which case I would say of course. Stop focusing on how well he's doing and figure out what you need to do next in your life. If there was an energy exchange with every sexual encounter then every poor woman that's ever slept with a man that's well off would be living it up right now. And that definitely doesn't happen.

Pelleas · 19/04/2020 12:10

Not in any 'woo' sense. Being with someone who has problems or who isn't right for you can be mentally draining which in turn can make you feel tired and lacking in energy.

Look at the facts and what is actually happening. Trying to blame this on 'woo' theories about exchanging energy will stop you taking practical steps to help yourself or seek support.

TheEighthHorcrux · 19/04/2020 12:10

No, OP.

I think toxic, unproductive relationships that are one sided lead to a change in a person, which isn't always for the better.

And I think that can be overcome by working on yourself and your own mental health. Maybe therapy or mindfulness.

But no, I don't think there's a transfer of energy, or you leave a part of yourself in a person when you do the deed!

IjustbelieveinMe · 19/04/2020 12:11

Absolutely not. I was with a man like this for 10 years and it only highlighted more our differences and my reasons to leave him. I am still the same person I was before and more so.

Sparklesocks · 19/04/2020 12:11

*There is a nice, kind woman, who has sex with someone who is a drug addict. Maybe she didn't know it at the time.

Do you think that will affect her?

She is letting a drug addict very close to her system.*

Having sex with a drug user won’t have a negative impact on you or your body. You wouldn’t be able to ‘catch’ anything from your encounter.

However if you were to start a relationship or become emotionally involved with an addict, you might find that your life becomes harder in some ways - you will be worried about them, possibly pushing them to attend rehab, it’s possible they might try to steal from you to fund their habit if they become desperate. None of this is because of the ‘energy’ shared during sex, but due to realities of sharing your life with an addict and the unique challenges that brings.

Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 12:13

It is not that he was less successful than me, it was that I was more successful than him at the time - yet he would insult my job, he would call my job "a shitty little job"

Whereas I was very sympathetic and supporting of his circumstances.

Ok, thinking back, maybe it was all of his berbal abuse that has left ne in a mess too

OP posts:
Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 12:25

I was so happy before him, I have never been happy since.

I would describe him as very destructive.

I have seen him do it to women after me, he targets women who are very happy in their lives, and then he tears down their confidence, to make himself feels better, then dumps them and tells them its their fault.

I was reading spiritual books before I wrote this, but this thread made me think - that it was really all of his insults that hurt me and tore me down-
He called me fat, ugly, that my job was "a shitty little job"
He would scream and shout at me if I looked at my phone when I was out with him.
I suggested making small presents for each other at Christmas , because I knew that he had no money. And he rang me on christmas day and told me that My present was rubbish.

It is the abuse that I need to heal from. Thanks for getting me to see that

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2020 12:29

No

Your issue at stake is with your judgement. Why would you think a person with ideas, lifestyle and attitude so at odds with your own would enhance your life.

The answer at this point should've been to tell him to fuck off. You didn't, then you slept with him.

The fact you didn't is what is causing your present feelings. Seek actual counselling on why you made your original decisions.

TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2020 12:32

Sorry Op, it took my a while to write my post which I see crosses a lot with your own.

Good luck. What a revolting little tosser he sounds. Well rid.

Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 12:32

@TSSDNCOP I agree, but he also made himself out to be somthing that he wasn't.

When he asked me out, he put on an act as a very kind, caring person. It was only later on that I got to see that was a total act, and he was actually cruel.

How are we meant to know what men are really like, when they can put on an act

OP posts:
Original poster
Annamaria14 · 19/04/2020 12:33

@TSSDNCOP thank you very much.

OP posts:
MikeBawldwinsBras · 19/04/2020 12:36

No-one likes being dumped. Especially be someone they think wasn't really 'good enough for them'.

That's all it is. He didn't take your 'energy', you just feel stupid and a bit shit.

Yallreadyforthis · 19/04/2020 12:44

No

But your low boundaries allowed him in in the first place.
Once he was in, his behaviour, and you allowing it, does cause further damage.

He didn't take anything from you- you let him in and gave him your power.

Just, work on yourself. Get counselling. Chances are, whatever weakness you had in the first place is what is speaking to you now. Address it, strengthen your boundaries, and this won't happen again.

TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2020 12:56

Yes, but from your OP there were enough indications of your incompatibility right at the start. The problem was you chose to ignore them, because you thought he'd go from zero to somewhere above zero.

Why did you think that was worth waiting for and why didn't you reject him at the start in favour of an already more compatible person?

Wanderer1 · 19/04/2020 13:05

Hahaha if this was the case then all sugar daddies would end up poor and sleeping with rich older women for money, they don't!
I've had sex with some massive, but hot, losers in my time and I'm still as happy and successful as ever.