To feel like I’m failing as an employee and parent

[Dylaninthemovies1]

Both DH and I work 32 hours a week over 4 days. Usually our 4 year old has lots of activities and play dates and generally a great life.

We are now both WFH, I’m in the middle of a major project and would usually work extra hours for this sort of thing, but just now I am struggling as DH and I are working shifts around each other to look after our son. At the weekend, we seem to spend a lot of time doing housework etc (usually we have a cleaner, and because we are home all day, the house is a lot messier)

Just now I am stressing about work, so snappier than normal. And I just feel like I’m a crappy employee and worse, a crappy mum. We done very worthy educational or craft stuff with our son. Made some cakes but that’s it. All he wants to do is either watch tv cuddled into us, or play outside in the garden chasing us. I see on Facebook other people doing projects and activities with their kids, and I see my colleagues achieving loads at work, but I feel like I’m just being crap at everything. Does anyone else feel this way

Just wondering how everyone is feeling today and whether things have eased at all.
I vacillate between 'I'm managing ' and absolutely losing it.

I’m not working today but I’m dreading tomorrow.

My lovely DH has offered to take a day a week off so I can have a full rather than a half day to work, and so not have to work at the weekend / evenings, but I really think that won’t be enough (it feels like anything short of 14 hour days full time wouldn’t be enough), and I don’t want to risk DH damaging his career. Mine was just getting going again post kids (youngest is 8!), and I was hoping for a promotion - that’s clearly gone out of the window.

@zerocraic that's how I feel. Mainly 'we can manage' in evenings when we try to organise the next working day around meetings, deadlines, a 2 year old - then 'I'm losing it' by 10am every work day.
Yesterday was a bit more productive but only because partner had a meeting cancelled, today has been dire so far...

@TheLongDarkBreakfastTime maybe take him up on it, his employer may understand? My partner is a one man team in a role that has become even more crucial now so he says he can't take time off. Told him he has to at some point, I am drowning and needs child free day to clear at least some

@TheLongDarkBreakfastTime I meant to say for next few weeks at least to try to get back on even ground.

I'm dreading work fixing my IT issue and having to WFH. My job is pretty much 100% phone based and calls can last 1.5hrs, sometimes more!

I've been finding homeschooling hard enough and that's with me focusing all my time and attention on it

I’m just trying to let go a little bit more. I can only do what I can do. I’ve been honest with my boss, I will meet as many deadlines as I can and I will not let guilt taint everything I do! Easier said than done.

We are managing ok-ish on a 1.5 hour on/off pattern where calls allow. We take it in turns to get up early with our two year old and take it in turns to do bedtime. We all (if time allows) go for a lunchtime walk so that we can chat and get fresh air. I usually work for an hour in the evening, at least, and I am catching up on my non working day too, as there’s no need to keep to my four days in this situation. Just about keeping head above water in this situation. Feel shit that I’m doing less than others but it can’t be helped.

@zerocraic I’m going between being fine and being super anxious at the moment. Working the same amount of hours as I’m contracted but it doesn’t feel enough. And my son is definitely getting to watch more tv than he is normally allowed! I worry about him missing out because he has working parents; but it won’t be forever

Just remember- people only put the good things on social media. They don’t show you the shouting, the crying, the tantrums, pulling their hair out, their laundry pile, their ironing to do, their kids eating crisps and a cereal bar for tea, the bath time cries, the refusal to go to bed and so on.
They just show you the happy picture! Which is probably a small part of their day.
You are doing fine, and experiencing what millions of others are.

Absolutely feeling the same.

Checking into this thread again, i found it weirdly comforting to read it and realise so many people are in the same scenario. Hope everybody can take a good break over the weekend.

Feeling the same, normally work 4 days a week but currently working 5 (getting TOIL for working hours on day off but feel guilty as so interrupted the rest of the week and massively behind on my normal work due to all the Covid stuff), 2 primary age kids where we keep missing zooms with teacher or getting times wrong and far too much screen time, and doing masters course where essay due this weekend and massively behind then need to start research proposal. My DH is fulltime and pretty awesome with kids and household stuff and my colleagues are in similar situations but have deleted Facebook from my phone as getting so frustrated/feeling like I'm failing compared to others.

@Fantail2018 maybe I do need to delete Facebook. I’m normally super chatty and like company, but just now I can’t be bothered speaking to anyone or knowing how they are getting on. I suspect it’s the anxiety

It's helping not having Facebook (and long weekend here for ANZAC so less school work and not expected to work today). I have kept it on my personal laptop but only checking every few days. Hoping we only have a couple more weeks at Level 3... but not sure what will happen after that as our office space is too limited for distancing and don't want to drag chair and monitors etc. Into office and back each week.

Same here too. Neither of us can work from home and both key workers. We have 3 primary aged children. I work 32 hours and have split them over 5 days. Husband is home mon and tue whilst I cram in as many hours as possible then do school hours the rest of the week and then husband works all weekend while i have the children. I've barely done any home schooling this last 3 weeks. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed with trying to keep the balance going. I was horrible to live with last week , my poor husband. I'm going to have to ask my employer to reduce my hours because I just cant cope I feel like I'm failing everyone.

100% - working full time from home with 3 kids , single parent , away from my partner and usually support networks (mum, sister and friend and neighbour )

Really struggling - feel very overwhelmed too

Nothing useful to say except - I hear you ) x

Good luck for the week everyone. It's crap. I can't let myself think long term for too long. Please do try to put yourselves first anywhere you can. Having done the up at 6am / up til 2am thing in the past around kids, i can say it's just not sustainable.

@Mikki2019 I really feel it for single parents trying to wfh and juggle kids even more than I feel it for myself.
I have the most hideous anxiety at the pit of my stomach just now. I feel absolutely awful.

Same ( the newspapers are so depressing . Just can’t see how normality will ever return (