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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My (relatively) new neighbours are driving me insane

51 replies

pastatroubles · 18/04/2020 21:25

I’m an extremely light sleeper and struggle with insomnia, so once something wakes me up, it’s pretty much impossible for me to get back to sleep. I also can’t sleep if I don’t have any fresh air or if I can smell something strong or hear anything.
My new neighbours have been waking me up every single morning, around 4 or 5am. Their back doors creak and they always slam them and the smell of weed is potent enough to keep me awake for the rest of the morning. Sometimes they’ll come out multiple times at night, midnight or 2 or 3am.
I don’t have anything against weed, but they’re smoking it constantly and the smell bothers me. It makes me feel like I can’t relax in my own home.
They also keep inviting their friends over even though we’re in a lockdown. They have parties every weekend till 4 or 5 in the morning, which is fair enough, as I’ve had a couple myself, but they don’t even try to be quiet. They laugh extremely loudly, smoke, talk, even scream. As someone who struggles with anxiety, this stuff makes me even more anxious. They also have very loud arguments at least once a week.
Here’s where I might be the asshole - I have a reactive dog. He barks at people when he sees them over the fence. He’s very anxious and territorial. We are working on this with a behavioural therapist, but it’s obviously still an issue. I am SUPER conscious about this and as soon as he starts barking or I notice him getting triggered in some way, I call him back inside.
I’m also very conscious of playing my own music loudly or disturbing people in any way. If I’m listening to music on a speaker, I usually lower the volume AND close the window, so I don’t disturb other people. So maybe I just have unrealistic expectations of other people because I do the same for them?
Tonight I let my dog out into the garden. I’ve been really depressed for the past few days because my cat died earlier this week, so I’ve been finding it hard to get out of bed, let alone walk him.
He just wanted to pee, but he went insane and started barking a lot. He usually comes right back in when called, but he wasn’t listening to me at all, so I looked out to investigate and saw my neighbour lighting a spliff right in the middle of his garden. It was dark and there was no reason at all for him to be standing there. It looked like he was intentionally trying to provoke my dog.
I don’t expect people to have sympathy or understand what it’s like to own a reactive dog, but he could have just sat by his back door where he usually sits until my dog went back in.

I ended up venting to my boyfriend and I’m pretty sure they overhead. I don’t want to have negative relations with my neighbours, but they’re making me really upset and I can’t tell if I’m overreacting.

OP posts:
recycledteenager24 · 18/04/2020 21:39

the usual mn stand by can you speak with them about this ? is it rented ? if so perhaps contact estate agent or landlord.
your dog would be a pain for barking but allnight parties every week that would have me calling environmental health. i'm not tolerating that constant shite.

Windyatthebeach · 18/04/2020 21:42

Report to police that they are hosting drug fuelled evenings surely?

pastatroubles · 18/04/2020 21:44

It’s a privately rented house. The parties don’t bother me as much as the weed/cigarette smoking does. I can’t read a book without inhaling that shit 24/7.
The only reason why I haven’t called anyone was because I’d feel like I was being a hypocrite. My dog doesn’t go out into the garden a lot and when he does, he doesn’t bark constantly, but when he does, it makes me (and everyone else, I’m sure) uncomfortable. I’d also be worried about them taking away my dog or something, especially now that they think I’m being hostile towards them. I feel like there’s nothing I can do.

OP posts:
pastatroubles · 18/04/2020 21:46

Isn’t the police normally quite lenient with weed? That and the fact that they could retaliate is the only thing preventing me from doing anything about it :(

OP posts:
namechanger2019 · 18/04/2020 21:52

I don't think the police have resources to deal with people smoking weed in their own home. You might have some luck with the landlord, but not likely. You could try reporting to council for noise, but that would be a long road including keeping diaries etc and some councils aren't as good as others for doing much. Could you try talking to them? Our neighbours were happy to smoke further down the garden when we explained the smell was coming into our house.

Windyatthebeach · 18/04/2020 21:53

Maybe their landlord should know they are effectively being a nuisance and preventing enjoyment of your home? If he comes to rent it out again it is going to stink! The are ruining his house.

pastatroubles · 18/04/2020 22:11

I don’t think they’re smoking inside. I don’t know how smoking outside would affect the house, but that’s a good point. In my contract it says that I’m not allowed to smoke anywhere on the property, including the garden. If they’re not allowed to have pets or smoke inside, then I’m betting that they’re also not allowed to smoke outside.
I could report it to our agency and see what they say. The trouble is that they’d know it was me and I feel like that would make us resent each other even more.

I could try talking to them, but I’m not sure if they’d be willing to listen after what happened tonight. I don’t feel like I can expect much from them if they don’t even have the ability to understand that they’re making other people uncomfortable by being noisy or smoking. They seem very selfish and ignorant. Making them smoke at the top of their garden where the grass is wet and uneven doesn’t seem feasible to me.

OP posts:
LilacTree1 · 18/04/2020 22:14

“ It looked like he was intentionally trying to provoke my dog.”

By standing in the middle of his own garden? Seems unlikely.

pastatroubles · 18/04/2020 22:22

I understand that I’m just speculating, but he could have walked away for a minute until I was able to get my dog back inside. It’s important to give an anxious dog space, I don’t see how stepping away for a couple of seconds would have inconvenienced him? Especially since this has never happened before. It’s unusual for him to venture out further into his garden, he usually sits by the door and smokes there, which is why I thought that him standing so close to the fence while my dog was feeling scared and intimidated was intentional.
I’m guessing you don’t own a dog.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 18/04/2020 22:28

Yes, sorry, you are being unreasonable.

You cause plenty of disturbance with your noisy dog. You must also listen to music fairly loudly if you have to be conscious of needing to shut the window not to disturb people - when I have the radio on, I can't hear it outside, because it's at normal listening volume.

I think you are slightly trying to make excuses based on lockdown to have a go at these neighbours. I absolutely get why it would upset you they have parties, and of course they shouldn't, and you wouldn't be wrong to report those.

But I don't think you can reasonably object to someone closing a door in their own home at 2am, just because you are a light sleeper. If that really is your major complaint (and I read it as such because you put it first), then you need to consider whether you're perhaps letting everything get to you a bit much.

Imboredinthehouse · 18/04/2020 22:29

Well they sound like shit neighbours.

I am totally like you in that if I had music on my Windows would be shut. I’m also a rubbish sleeper but, as much as I would be infuriated by the door opening/closing, I would just have to stick my earplugs in and accept it’s my issue. Have you tried a white noise app? I play rain, it’s on a 1 hr timer on my iPad. If I wake up I press play & it drowns out outside noise while I drift back off, then turns itself off. Occasionally drives DH mad but he just closes his eyes & hes asleep. Having seen me struggle he’s happy to put up with it if it means (it dies) that I get a bit more sleep.

Re him standing in the middle of his garden. He could be being provocative but, at the end of the day it’s his garden, he can stand where he likes. It sounds like the whole lot is adding to your anxiety though.

Are you saying new neighbours are having parties during lockdown? If so you can report online to your local police. Just google for the local force website.

Note:I refreshed before posting.
he could have walked away for a minute until I was able to get my dog back inside
TBF, as a past owner of a total of 4 dogs, it wouldn’t occur to me that I should move for a neighbour to get their dog in. Our neighbour has a dog that barks as soon as we flush our toilet so, when I go to hang my washing out & it starts back up, I’m not going to stop doing what I’m doing in my own garden when it starts barking.
I was firmly in the YANBU camp until you posted that update

LilacTree1 · 18/04/2020 22:32

Pasta, I grew up with one who was...excitable?

But I have no idea how anyone else is supposed to know if a dog is anxious unless you’ve told them, even then he might not think standing in the middle of own his own garden is a problem and I don’t blame him for.

Sarahandco · 18/04/2020 22:33

Dogs can react to the smell of weed.

Neverender · 18/04/2020 22:34

Legally they should be smoking weed in their garden...I'd report them...

Your dog is happily being a dog...

Neverender · 18/04/2020 22:35

Has everyone forgotten it's illegal?

LilacTree1 · 18/04/2020 22:38

“ Legally they should be smoking weed in their garden..”

Fantastic! No, wait, I don’t have a garden, bugger.

GabsAlot · 18/04/2020 22:53

well you could report anyway police could smell weed straight off-how would they know its you

EngagedAgain · 18/04/2020 23:09

Hopefully for your sake they won't stay there too long. I endured noisy neighbours for years and it's shit. I think you may be right about them trying to aggravate your dog. I think they are best ignored. As for tackling the problem it depend I suppose the landlord. Is this the first time the neighbours have been noisy there? If so and the landlord is a good one they might not want people like that renting.

abw94 · 18/04/2020 23:20

Phone your local council and speak with the anti social behaviour team

Triggahippy · 18/04/2020 23:59

They are smoking on their own garden tbh I’d mind my own business. It’s annoying but it’s a given when you live so close.
Your dog sounds just as annoying as their habits tbh. Live and let live imo

CSIblonde · 19/04/2020 00:09

Any reasoning with them won't work because as you say, you have a noisy dog & you'll probably get we'll shut up when your dog does. Standing in the gardens not provocative, they've no idea your dog has issues! Get some ear plugs & watch It's Me or the Dog on You Tube for noisy dogs, Victoria is the best ever at this. (avoid Cesar Milan, he's into old fashioned 'dominate' your dog theory: & gets bitten regularly in his show. Victoria's hasn't been bitten once, even with dogs with major aggression)

Slith · 19/04/2020 00:23

Nothing to do with the landlord.

DishingOutDone · 19/04/2020 00:33

In order for a dog to be considered a nuisance it has to bark for at least 20 minutes, several times a day, for several weeks. Apparently that's the rule of thumb local authorities use. Some poster on MN, if you say my dog occasionally goes woof they will say you are lying, but even if you are not woof woof is too much for anyone to bear etc etc.

The minute you say you have a dog and it barks the thread goes off at a tangent, even if your neighbours are blasting out thrash metal from midnight to noon every of the year and twice on Bank Holidays.

Do you think you could have a conversation with them? Is it worth a try? What would be the best outcome for you? Less noise? Less weed in the garden? Do you own or rent? If you do speak to them don't start going on about the dog, wait to see if they mention it then you can offer to bring him in quickly if he starts barking. Its easy for things like this to become huge and insurmountable in a time when we are all at home a lot and in high anxiety anyway.

Jellyhater · 19/04/2020 01:02

What about the parties that you’ve been having?

AntiHop · 19/04/2020 01:06

Your neighbours sound like total nightmares. I couldn't cope with load parties and constant weed smoking. Honestly, I'd move.