My (relatively) new neighbours are driving me insane

[pastatroubles]

I’m an extremely light sleeper and struggle with insomnia, so once something wakes me up, it’s pretty much impossible for me to get back to sleep. I also can’t sleep if I don’t have any fresh air or if I can smell something strong or hear anything.
My new neighbours have been waking me up every single morning, around 4 or 5am. Their back doors creak and they always slam them and the smell of weed is potent enough to keep me awake for the rest of the morning. Sometimes they’ll come out multiple times at night, midnight or 2 or 3am.
I don’t have anything against weed, but they’re smoking it constantly and the smell bothers me. It makes me feel like I can’t relax in my own home.
They also keep inviting their friends over even though we’re in a lockdown. They have parties every weekend till 4 or 5 in the morning, which is fair enough, as I’ve had a couple myself, but they don’t even try to be quiet. They laugh extremely loudly, smoke, talk, even scream. As someone who struggles with anxiety, this stuff makes me even more anxious. They also have very loud arguments at least once a week.
Here’s where I might be the asshole - I have a reactive dog. He barks at people when he sees them over the fence. He’s very anxious and territorial. We are working on this with a behavioural therapist, but it’s obviously still an issue. I am SUPER conscious about this and as soon as he starts barking or I notice him getting triggered in some way, I call him back inside.
I’m also very conscious of playing my own music loudly or disturbing people in any way. If I’m listening to music on a speaker, I usually lower the volume AND close the window, so I don’t disturb other people. So maybe I just have unrealistic expectations of other people because I do the same for them?
Tonight I let my dog out into the garden. I’ve been really depressed for the past few days because my cat died earlier this week, so I’ve been finding it hard to get out of bed, let alone walk him.
He just wanted to pee, but he went insane and started barking a lot. He usually comes right back in when called, but he wasn’t listening to me at all, so I looked out to investigate and saw my neighbour lighting a spliff right in the middle of his garden. It was dark and there was no reason at all for him to be standing there. It looked like he was intentionally trying to provoke my dog.
I don’t expect people to have sympathy or understand what it’s like to own a reactive dog, but he could have just sat by his back door where he usually sits until my dog went back in.

I ended up venting to my boyfriend and I’m pretty sure they overhead. I don’t want to have negative relations with my neighbours, but they’re making me really upset and I can’t tell if I’m overreacting.

They have parties every weekend till 4 or 5 in the morning, which is fair enough, as I’ve had a couple myself

If you've been having parties.during lockdown then I have no sympathy for you.

All the stuff at the start of your thread about.you having insomnia is irrelevant, stick to facts

Knock on their door tomorrow.or if you can't face it (I couldn't) drop a note through. Say the following:

1. You are disturbing me with door banging and loud parties when I am in bed
2. There is a strong smell coming from your house which is unpleasant and stopping me from sleeping.

Please keep the noise down between 10.30pm.and 7am and smoke inside or away from my home.

For most neighbours this will.be enough.

sorry to hear about your cat - must make everything seem really hard.

Speak to them when you're feeling up to it, or call your council's anti-social team/ anti noise team or whatever.

How do the neighbours on the other side of them feel about it?
Would you get less of the smell if you opened front windows rather than back ones?

They’re dicks on the whole but is there a chance he showed himself to try and calm the dog down? Weird logic but... Hey! It’s just me. The druggy. Chill.

As for the frequent noisy parties, I'm with you on that one, you have a right to live without that. I would have a friendly word with my neighbours about it. They may surprise you and wind it down several notches; they don't know you've sleep issues and may not realise how much their sessions are affecting you. I'd also ask them to close the door gently when they're coming or going at night. They're not mind readers; it won't have even occurred to them that's keeping you awake.

The weed and cigarettes are a different matter entirely. You need to mind your own business about what's being smoked in the open air of next door's back garden, for God's sake. Also, as to the neighbour standing in the garden, this just sounds a bit paranoid to me. He has as much right to stand in the garden he's renting as your dog does.

There are definitely elements to this story that you're being unreasonable over OP, and I think the best thing you can do is separate them out and realise where you're BU yourself and where your neighbours are, and then proceed from there. The best way out of potential conflict with neighbours is a bit of reasonable back and fourth. You should work an invite into the conversation for them to tell you if you've been discommoding them in any way. Keep things pleasant. Agro with neighbours is hellish. You want to avoid that at all costs.

Call 101 non emergency policing for not following guidelines that gov has issued to all uk residents, they are obviously ignoring the practise of social distancing if throwing parties, also illegal to have and take drugs in this country like cannabis etc unless prescription type. Ignorant people if no mindfulness of other residents in lockdown too. You can be anonymous and just give there address in, they will be either warned and advise will be given or fined if they are being too rowdy or stupid wen the police get to address. Hope this helps.

Your dog is an animal who can’t control his response. These are adults who know exactly what they are doing. Don’t feel bad getting this nipped in the bud. If my tenants were behaving like this I would want to know.

Why are you having parties during lockdown? What makes you think the rules don't apply to you?

If you’re this much of a light sleeper YABU not fo wear earplugs.

Loads of people responding here don't seem bothered about fact poster days she's had a few parties herself during lock down.. As a front line NHS worker... You're as bad as your neighbours and I'm not working my arse off for you to have parties. Am so angry to read this

I don't think the OP specified that the parties she's had were during lockdown. I read it that she's had parties in the past.

OK - I didn't read it like that - but may be case thanks

I think yabu and self centred. He was in has garden , he can be there any time of the day anywhere in it that he likes. As can you. Being anxious doesn't mean everyone has to tiptoe around you. If the parties are excessive then have a word with them first, and then escalate your complaint to the council/police as appropriate.

I think this is a live and let live situation. Your dog barks, they smoke weed.

I get that the smell and the noise is annoying but I'm staggered that you think they should alter their behaviour because you have a dog.

He was in his garden, he's allowed to be there. You need to control the dog.

I don't see how standing in the middle of the garden was deliberate provocation to your dog - the neighbour wasn't to know that you would let it out at that moment, and there was certainly no reason for him to have to move just because you had chosen that particular moment.

I agree with some others. I appreciate that these neighbours are a pain in the arse but you are also in the wrong to think they should alter how they use their own garden to take your bloody dog into account. The man can stand in the middle, the top, the end or slightly to the bottom and to the left of his garden all day and all night if he wants to. Your dog is your problem.

“ It’s important to give an anxious dog space, I don’t see how stepping away for a couple of seconds would have inconvenienced him?”

It’s not important to him to give your anxious dog space while in his own garden, no.
Good luck with the behaviourist. It really is not for your neighbours to care about. Sorry.

I hate all this ‘they are smoking in their garden so butt out’ crap. Last I checked smoke doesn’t respect garden boundaries and the smell is horrendous - not only is it illegal, it’s massively antisocial. I do not want to smell it, it makes me unwell and I definitely do not want my children or pets exposed to it.

OP can you confirm when your parties have been?

Thinking further on this...I’d easily rather have neighbours smoking weed outside than a dog that barks aggressively at me when I go in my own garden. Shut up stupid dog.

A dog barking constantly would annoy me. Maybe he’s standing in his garden in the middle of the night because he can’t sleep due to being woken by your reactive dog?!! Goes both ways.

Have you really been having parties during lockdown? My neighbour is doing this. I'm a LP stuck inside with two kids all day and there are hundreds of people dying and they're nextdoor partying away - screaming and laughing. I've reported them and nothing has been done (they are overwhelmed with 200+ reports a day apparently) I cry angry tears sometimes. I also get no sleep and I'm a grouch with the kids all the next day. It's beyond selfish.

He had probably just wandered up the garden and didn’t even think of your dog. There’s a dog in the house behind me that barks a lot. I assume it’s not barking because of me (because it barks a lot including when I’m not there). So it’s probable he wasn’t purposely provoking your dog.

The noise and parties aren’t on. I despise people who make unnecessary noise during the night and early morning. But be careful how you deal with it. I’d suggest trying to be friendly towards them. People like that are more likely to be considerate because they want to rather than because someone’s making them. I wouldn’t mention the weed. Being tolerant of that might mean they see you as ok and so tone down the noise a bit.

This is mixed. On a few things YABU- him standing in his own garden is not provoking your dog, and sad to say, if your window is open you will get whatever air is outside so YABU to expect it to never have smells and there to be no noise. I would suggest closing your window at night to cut out noise and smells. Fresh air from the daytime should still help. Barring that, you may have to wait until you can afford to live in a rural area to have window open at night. Although birds and such can be just as noisy.

But overall YANBU because the neighbours should not be having parties during lockdown. I would report that to the police. They won’t know it’s you because there are bound to be other neighbours than just yourself.

(I am assuming when you mentioned parties of yours you had them in past, not during lockdown).

Also, if it is rented accommodation, they could be breaking their lease by smoking. You could report that to the agency the house is rented through if you know who that is.

The noise you can complain about, but unfortunately smoking outside is up to them. Can you switch bedrooms to the front of the house?

I actually used to have a neighbour with a yappy, territorial Yorkie that would go nuts yipping and growling at the fence when any of us went into our garden. She did try to pin it on us when we moved in saying he was scared of the noise and not used to children but obviously I wasn’t going to stop using the garden to suit her dog so I just politely ignored it.
She spent a year grumbling, sighing and tutting every time one of us came outside when her dog was out as she’d have to put him inside or he was intolerable. I did feel for her but not so much as to alter our use of the garden.