To be so stressed and exhausted by pandemic meal planning

[Featherstep]

Ok so I know we're lucky to have enough food and are all healthy.

But it's week 4 of lockdown and I am just so fed up of planning, sourcing, cooking 2 meals a day for 4 people, all with different preferences! Everyone's around all day, 4 year old DS is really fussy, and 7 month old baby is newly weaned and ravenous.

With shopping options so limited I want to make sure everything is used up in the best possible way... I did meal plan a bit pre-Covid but not to this extent and frequently went for top up shops (say for curry paste if we wanted curry.)

It just feels like a large portion of my brain is spent thinking about what to cook, making food and clearing it up (from under baby's highchair, especially). And doing creative things to make the leftovers last/ turn them into baby's next meal.

DH tells me to relax and not go crazy. He just doesn't get how tiring the mental load is. I am by far the better and more resourceful cook so I do take up almost all the cooking duties- I know this is my problem. But anyone else out there want to just share the frustration?? I just want to go eat a McDonald's by myself and not have to do a mental spreadsheet of how best to use up everything in the veg box!!

Also, does no one just have a sandwich and a packet of crisps for lunch? I couldn't be doing with cooking twice a day!

Also, does no one just have a sandwich and a packet of crisps for lunch? I couldn't be doing with cooking twice a day!

Yep, soup and a sarnie here.

It must be costing people a fortune if they're cooking two proper meals a day.

For a treat I might push the boat out and we'll have spaghetti hoops on toast! 😆

It is hard work - I lost it again last night with DD11 saying that if DH cooked she wouldn’t eat it ( they don’t exactly have a great relationship sadly). Further complicated by the fact that she has sensory issues & tends to go off certain foods easily, plus she’s gluten free.
On the plus side, it’s been good for me having to do a weekly shop & I am cooking from scratch way more than I used to. DH worked very long hours so never really did anything foodwise but he’s made amazing bread & has done a few evening meals. His Hairy Bikers pie was delicious 😋 Perhaps your DH should step up?

@MrsKoala that's no sustainable for you at all!

Haven't read through yet.. but I can't get my usual treats in because we don't have a car. We normally rely on a weekly delivery plus walks to shops, now I go once a week on foot and get 60 pounds worth of groceries and carry them back up a hill! After getting 6 pints of milk, juice, olive oil etc I can't fit in wine or coke :(

My 4 year old does have texture and sensory issues. He spat out most of his sausage last night because there were tiny bits of fat in it. He is in general extremely particular about everything but slowly improving. Like some PP I tweak our meals, not make an entirely different one - so plain pasta with cheese for him, cheese sauce for us.

Baby does eat a version of what we have too but she's hungry for dinner by 4pm FFS so I have to serve her first, then the rest of us sit down at 4:30-5.
I used to eat 8:30pm as a childless person!

If I remember rightly, Mrs Koala has several children with SNs and it really is not a case of leave them to it and they will eventually get used to trying it and liking it.

There are certain foods like mushrooms that the DCs will leave at the side of the plate. Fine. However DS1 (ASD) gets sensory overload when there are too many foods mixed together on his plate. He can not cope with casseroles as it uses too much energy to pick his way through the ingredients that he likes and dislikes. Plus he's hungry which makes him sensitive and is a bad combination... Neither he nor we could emotionally cope with him going hungry until the next meal as his temper would explode over every single trivial thing until then. In the grand scheme of life with ASD, DS is not that bad compared to the restrictions and compromises other families live around. There are a lot foods he does like, you just have to remember the caveats (menral load. Yey.) Last week I accidentally mixed the buttered and unbuttered toast when bringing them to the table. DH on encountering butter on the toast would just grumble briefly. DS bit in (it was melted and not visually obvious) shuddered, realised, and then got an adrenaline rush that left him shaking for 5 minutes. Literally trembling like you would after a near-miss accident. That mental and physical reaction is very real despite the trigger being so trivial.

My DC's irritating habit is getting too bored of a food that they have too frequently and extrapolating that they don't like it, forgetting that they were only bored. We have just recovered from a head-banging year where they "did not like jacket potatoes" or toast just because I'd over done it a while back. Doubly annoying they will then moan that they have too much of the things that they continued to like.

Back to OP, yes it is very tedious thinking up 14 meals that people will eat. It may as well be meals for lunch because 1) sandwiches don't touch the sides and they either need so many accompaniments or snacks that you may as well have cooked a meal anyway in time and mental energy used and 2) I have to go to Aldi to buy bread without soya flour, so I'm not spending an hour going to Aldi and queuing up to top up for a loaf of fresh bread to eat a bloody sandwich. Frozen bread is OK for toast but a PITA to defrost and eat as fresh. Far easier to do a pot of something simple like pasta.

Do give the 7 month old what you eat anyway. Very little would be unsuirable. My two just nicked off plates anyway.

When I had multiple food allergies to contend with, I'd keep an adapted meal as close to the original as possible and cook it in parallel, easier than a totally different alternative.

Agree, why are some people cooking twice a day? What is wrong with a sandwich and some crudités and crisps as one of the meals?

I do think there is some martyrdom going on.

It's not a parental feeding competition. A hot meal isn't needed twice a day. Things like sandwiches and carrot sticks or salad have good nutritional value.

In terms of managing more infrequent food shops, it is also possible to control the food consumption of older children and adults a bit more too,mot help things last. So the fridge is not a free for all, whenever anything is fancied now. Certain things like cheese or ham are for lunches, not random snacks. Bacon is for meals and not a random bacon sandwich, it is made clear what can be eaten whenever it is fancied and waht can't. That way, you don't find you run out.

Equally, serving up portions onto plates, if a meal is expected to last 2 dinners, helps. If it's on the table, people take seconds and then there isn't enough for the other meal. It's not about denying people because you can make sure there are huge portions if you want to plus other things always available. However, if it's not possible to get food as regularly as usual, some adjustments are needed to make sure your supplies last. It just makes sense.

Well, I don't have a proper freezer, and have cooked mainly from scratch on a tight budget for years, so I feel like I have been training for lockdown a long time
To be honest though I don't particularly "meal plan" as much as make the same types of things over and over!
I do a lot of big tagine type things (lamb, chick peas etc) and make lots so we eat it twice in a row. You don't actually have to eat a totally different meal every day, you can have it with rice one day, cous cous and yogurt the next etc.
I also get veg delivered, but I choose my ingredients, so it's not one of those surprise boxes were you get like 3 turnips or whatever that you don't know what to do with.
Lunches we eat a lot of cold cooked meats, smoked fish, salads with feta. Maybe the 4 year old wouldn't eat smoked maceral but would they have ham? Cucumber?
Babies can eat whatever you eat, just set aside a lower salt portion, and give them finger food. Why would you feed the baby something completely different? You want babies to get used to your food!
It's the washing up that's driving me mad, and I have had several strops about kids doing more. They seem to have no idea how dirty plates and bowls multiply..

We have cereal or toast for breakfast, sandwich and/or soup (tinned or homemade ) for lunch and a cooked meal at night. Often the meal is one I batch cooked earlier from freezer. I try and have 1 day of cooking after shopping brought my d in l. Then freeze it. I know it is hard but folk have to learn to be less fussy with food and go hungry if they can't have what they want.

Really don't understand why people feel they must cook twice a day, and offer a variety of dishes, talk about making a rod for your own back. Why do it to yourself? Do you actually enjoy being a martyr in the kitchen?

Since our teens were old enough to get their own breakfast they've had cereal, toast or toaster waffles. Lunch has always been something very simple, a bacon sandwich, beans on toast, soup and a sandwich. There's always fruit in the fruit bowl if they want a snack. I only properly cook a hot meal in the evening and even then I regularly use ready prepped veg because it makes life so much easier.

I do often wonder if women who tie themselves in knots over food and meal planning secretly get a kick out of it? They delude themselves that what they do is so vital and necessary and they derive some form of self esteem from that.

Trust me, when you're on your death bed, you won't look back and desperately wish you'd spent more time making your own stock from scratch.

Oh yeah Wombat, the "I don't like chicken sandwiches but I did last week" thing..arrghh!

I completely missed that OP had another adult in the house!
And what's with this?
I go once a week on foot and get 60 pounds worth of groceries and carry them back up a hill! After getting 6 pints of milk, juice, olive oil etc I can't fit in wine or coke
Is your husband physically unable to shop? If not, why in God's name are you not sending him to the shops?! Send him right now, for wine and chocolate!

@MrsKoala your husband needs to eat what he is given when he is given it - and be grateful. Or make his own.

Children with dietary intolerances cause a huge amount of extra work which is unavoidable. A husband who "doesn't like to touch food", "likes a big meal" at lunchtime and wants to eat at certain precise (but irregular) times - fuck that.

"I have made you a sandwich for lunch. It is in the fridge with clingfilm on - eat it when you want it." would be the best he would get from me. Actually, it is better than he would get from me - "you know where the food is kept, if you want something different from us..."

Would it be easier to cook for the children first - they eat earlier, then you eat later once they're in bed? You can still do one meal. Chilli, pasta, curry etc is great as you can keep it on the hob and reheat later for you. Just cook pasta/rice when you need it.

Isn't 4pm the middle of the afternoon though to be giving dinner? aren't they then hungry for breakfast at 4am?

Wouldn't it be easier to just give both children a snack at 3/4pm, then relax and all eat dinner together at 6-6.30pm?

You need to relax regarding stressful food plans though. I understand food planning and trying to use bits up right now, but you can still make it easier by just thinking Monday - pasta dish, tuesday - rice based etc.

Your dh can also buy food, carry food, and prepare food. No you shouldn't all be having family outing inside supermarket, but if you don't drive and can't get delivery, then surely it would be easier to all walk to the supermarket, one of you then goes for a local walk around with children whilst the other shops. Then you can between you loads stuff onto pram and carry in rucksack home.

Definitely look into alternate deliveries though. You could get veg/fruit box, wine delivered, chocolate and toiletries/cleaning still from amazon etc. Ellas kitchen baby fruit pounces you can buy box 24 on amazon atm for example which both children might like as easy fruit portion currently, and saves carrying.

Why on earth are you struggling with on foot shopping? Why can't your DH do it?

MrsKoala your life sounds insane, you can't live like this surely? It's preposterous that you are expected to supply a never ending stream of meals, drinks and home made snacks. If nothing else, your special snowflake DH needs to get with the program. Doesn't like to touch food, and has to eat meat twice a day wtaf? I am furious on your behalf

Hah, have just had a thought for MrsKoala next time your DH announces he doesn't like to touch food I would reply 'Yeah well I don't like to touch your cock but we all have to do things we don't like so make yourself a fucking sandwich, princess.'

Yes I also thought about trying just feeding the kids first for some evenings, to take the pressure off.

DH handles all breakfasts and cleaning up. He has asthma and I'd rather he doesn't go shopping at the moment, he goes every 1 in 3 shops we have to do.

He is slow and not confident in the kitchen so I just tend to take over but yes, I know he needs to take on more meals. I've been on mat leave so the balance of house work has been off, for sure.

YANBU, OP. I'm becoming increasingly frustrated by DP's refusal to eat cheese or any kind of fish in sandwiches (he'll eat cooked cheese, the fucker, but not uncooked) and only a very limited range of cold meat - nothing processed.

Your lot sound like a right pain.

I'm even more pissed off that I didn't plan my kitchen differently 22 years ago, but I never envisaged only being able to shop once a week or so. We don't have room for veg in the fridge or much in the freezer and I find fresh veg just doesn't last a week.

If only I'd seen this coming, I'd have a big fuck off American jobby!

I'm glad it's not just be - it's one of the things I find hardest! And our kids are older.

I can't really just leave it to DH as TBH I don't really like the way he cooks - he'll just kind of throw a bunch of stuff together and eat it with sauce, mustard or a pickle, and sometimes he just guesses how long it takes to cook something so it doesn't come out right. I mean, he can cook properly as well, it's just I don't like his day-to-day approach.

My DH is also a rubbish cook. he is not that interested in food. yesterday he ate for dinner a tin of minestrone soup that he put spinach in and then decided to add curry powder to it.

No-one is quite sure why.

In contrast i made chicken stuffed with cream cheese and sun dried tomatoes and broccoli cheese.

Fair dos if he has asthma, I can understand why you don't want him going.
Still, though, I think you are allowed to go to the shop twice a week if you need to?

Different circumstances can lead to different challenges. I've struggled before with getting bored of deciding meals; we all prefer hot food every meal, but DH and DS can only apparently suggest tomato as veg and wraps as carb. I don't like having the same thing all the time, nor having a strict plan where I have to eat omelette when I fancied chicken that day. I wrote a few lists: every one-dish meal, every protein, every veg and every carb side. The lists are really long, but we went through them and put favourites at the top. We usually have 4 weekly main shop plus salad/bread/milk run each week, so now we shop fortnightly it's only those fresh bits that are tricky to work around because the cupboards are kept stocked up. I'm making more bread, we've finally got some long life milk and we're just compromising on veg.

Most meals are really just different combinations of the same ingredients, so it's key that 75% of the shopping is core ingredients we all like and very little that anyone doesn't like e.g. I rarely have mushrooms because DH won't eat them, DH rarely has fennel or bananas because I don't like them and neither of us have much squash because DS doesn't like it. It helps that there are very few things on our hated lists, I don't know how people stay sane with very picky eaters. When we all like all ingredients it's easy to mix and match, so it doesn't matter what's run out; any meat/beans/veggie protein plus any veg might go with rice / pasta / noodles / in a wrap / in an omelette / on a jacket potato / in roast veg / in a soup etc.

Every few days we look at shelf life and discuss a little range of options for lunch or dinner the next 3 days, then get extras defrosted as needed to make sure each meal still has options. Mealtime is then "Do you want pizza, soup or omelette for lunch? Dinner is beef wrap or slow cooked pork." So lunch and dinner get picked together. Generally I cook 2/3 meals and DH the rest, but we both follow instructions to help the other one if it's a complex meal; it's easier to have one in charge though. Usually we over-cook any slow cooker or complex meals so we also have a range of frozen pots of meat and veg to pick from that are nice for putting in wraps or on rice for a quick meal.