To think some people are being unnecessarily nasty to struggling parents on here?

[Heartseverywhere]

Lately on here since the Covid 19 outbreak, I've seen so many comments, if anyone dares admit they're struggling with their dc, along the lines of.

Why have children is you can't be bothered to look after them
If you want the schools to reopen you must want your children to die
Calling parents lazy
What was once getting an education is now dumping children on teachers/grandparents
If you're struggling you must absolutely hate spending time with your dc

All of which are ridiculous. These aren't normal circumstances. People are finding it really difficult to work from home as well as homeschool young children.
It isn't always enjoyable to spend all day everyday inside with children, it doesn't mean you hate your children. Even if you're not working, it can be tough when you can't even do much as go to the local playground or buy a bag of flour in your shop to bake a cake.

there are people on here that only come on to be nasty

Agree. I’d say the majority of people are pragmatic and pleasant, but some posters are spouting some nasty shit about they won’t send their kids back to die as the government wants everyone to get it that’s why rhe schools will open, people don’t want to look after their kids so that’s why they want the school reopened.

They seem to have totally forgotten about education, the social benefits for kids etc, schools have suddenly just become glorified child minders to them, and any one who wishes to send their kid back is some form of maniacal reprobate.

I've seen 'struggling' parents treated quite well on here. Suggestions for coping with poor behaviour, keeping kids occupied, brilliant.

'Complaining parents moaning about schools and teachers and work being set are getting responses those posts deserve. There is a pandemic. These are unprecedented times.

They are comments that have always been made, but have intensified often grossly insensitively to the circumstances of an OP.

I've seen "why did you have children?" used to kick an OP who posted about struggling with SN children in these exceptional circumstances. Like anyone had a crystal ball to predict this type of situation. Just nasty, cheap shot bullying.

Depends

Some people make it sound like having to spend time with your children is the hardest thing in the world . Same parents who keep moaning that any kind of school holiday is too long, and they can't wait for the kids to be sent back to school.

Stating that it's hard to work AND look after your young kids iis one thing (plus it's not hard, it's impossible..).

Moaning that it's so much hard work to entertain children, to have them every day, that you are all bored... You can't help but feel sorry for the kids to be stuck with parents like that.

It's even more ridiculous with toddlers, how on earth do they managed generally? Plonk the kids with family members and never see them?

It's just the usual "I can't wait for the kids to get back to school they should never be given a week off in the year ever", but in the middle of a pandemic.

Of course it's hard, especially now. However struggling parents are nearly always slatted on here. That's nothing new.

I get the feeling that everyone, regardless of whether they admit it or not, is feeling the pressure of working from home, looking after their kids 24/7 and in some cases not even being able to get out for a walk or have a garden to sit in. Any one of these things would send some people over the edge and probably accounts for a lot of the nasty comments on here over the last few weeks. I have put it down to that and just choose to ignore them.

I just have steered clear of these threads!
I’ve great sympathy for parents trying to WFH and supposedly home school at the same time. Or those stuck in flats etc.
So much stress for so many.

I think it's an interesting reverse of the years where SAH parents, usually mothers, have been absolutely abused and ridiculed on MN.

I joined mumsnet for support when I was pregnant, most posts I read have an element of blame or abuse. It's sad.

Well I just think it's really difficult all round. I mean yes it could be worse, and I think most people acknowledge that.

But there's a big difference between not enjoying spending time with your children, and not enjoying spending all day everyday inside with your children, with no adult company or conversation, no other children to play with, possibly siblings annoying each other, limited resources and possibly trying to work at the same time, for several weeks and potentially months.

YANBU. Stupid fuckers taking out their misery on others, morbid glee coming across in their words.

I agree.

Also when a poster asks "I'm supposed to go to to work and can't work from home but no idea what to do with kids as all schools/nurseries closed and they can't go to grandparents" the response is "well it's your responsibility to sort out childcare".

Well doh - the issue is that it's currently impossible!

TBH, it's always been like that on here, I don't think it's new to now.

There is definitely a certain type of poster who is taking pleasure in the fact that this is much harder for (normally) WOHM - the 'well why do you even have children if you work?' comments have always been around, but they seem to be coming thicker and faster at the moment. That said, I've also seen a lot of sympathy and good advice.

I am worried that it will massively increase discrimination against mothers - it's completely obvious in my team that those of us with children just can't do what those without can do, and I wonder whether my employer will forget that. I also think that the 'me not working enables my DH's career' (which I often - not always, but often - think is a lot less true than the SAHM thinks) is much more true than it's ever been, and that also isn't good for equality. There is little doubt that DH's work would be a lot easier right now if I was a SAHP (or vice versa).

I agree with you op.
This is a parenting site and part of parenting is that it's relentless sometimes and that is hard. To say it's hard and love your children at the same time is not just possible its true.

To reach out for support and be met by judgment and other people's ridiculous illogical assumptions is quite frankly horrible.

Yup.

Because people who are priviledged like telling others that they can do without things they personally do not have to do without, because they have plenty.

Lots of people are unnecessarily nasty on here full stop. Yanbu

that the 'me not working enables my DH's career' (which I often - not always, but often - think is a lot less true than the SAHM thinks

see... another dig at SAHM

It never takes long

I think it's an interesting reverse of the years where SAH parents, usually mothers, have been absolutely abused and ridiculed on MN

There's a certain segment of society - including amongst women - who feel very uncomfortable when women appear to assess and make decisions for themselves. Anything outside the norm indicates a dangerous and rebellious level of independent thought and makes some terribly angry. It comes from a place of fear - fear of women thinking independently.

MN can be a vipers pit more and more often lately. It wasn't like this years ago but it's a more international site now so there are many influences. Kindness is evaporating.

I posted on here about my 5 year old staying in school for being vulnerable. I got called vile, disgusting and told the only reason school offered was because they know I'm too shit to parent.

I still Havent recovered from how low those comments sent me. School offered her a place because of her needs and our needs as a family. We have no social care involvement but they wanted to help me and the two children else we would probably have ended up with social care very quickly.

Protecting the vulnerable should mean protecting all of the vulnerable including children

I think there's a variety. On the one hand I've seen posts from sahps complaining how hard it is with dc off school, and posters being all supportive about how difficult it supposedly is. On the other, I've seen posts from parents of dc with sn, or trying to work with dc at home, or even both, and they get a load of shitty comments.