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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be falling so hard for this man

44 replies

Checheyj · 16/04/2020 23:09

I feel so ridiculous but I can't stop thinking about him . He's 16 years older I am 22 and he is 38 . We live in different countries for Gods sake yet he is the light of my day . Messaging him just makes me feel so happy (God I sound ridiculous) . Maybe it's just nice to have some attention (just me and a 3 year old at home with no real family support)

I keep telling myself that it could never work (different countries he has a job which makes him well known to the public and the age gap yet I can't stop imagining what if ) . Am I being ridiculous to think he could like me too or am I just desperate for attention in these desperate times :))

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 16/04/2020 23:10

Ok I'll bite. Have you actually met him?

pictish · 16/04/2020 23:13

Yabu to ‘fall for’ someone in a different country who you have never met.
Pull yourself together now.

Original poster
Checheyj · 16/04/2020 23:14

@DianaT1969
Once but it was rather brief

OP posts:
Bartlet · 16/04/2020 23:16

This wasn’t a hotel romance was it in a poorer country?

MyOtherProfile · 16/04/2020 23:18

Who initiated messaging? Is he single? Does he seem keen on you?

Sophism1 · 16/04/2020 23:19

Sounds like you have a case of limerence

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

ChristmasFluff · 16/04/2020 23:26

You can call it limerence or you can call it fantasy. whatever it is, it isn't based on anything at all, except a bunch of wishful thinking, hopes and dreams, all bound up in his exterior.

OP, you don't know anything about him. Just exactly what is it that you are in love with? Because it really isn't him.

TerrorWig · 16/04/2020 23:30

You need to ride out this crush. Allow yourself to fantasise about what you would do to one another, wank yourself silly - and then realise that it could never work, you live in different countries. He probably leaves skids in his undies and has an MLM side gig.

Mentally put your crush onto a shelf in the back of your mind, to be revisited every so often with a smile. That’s what I would do, and have done, when I’ve had a crush I cannot do anything about.

StinkyWizzleteets · 16/04/2020 23:34

Job that makes him well known to the public rings alarm bells. I’ve read so many stories of women believing guys are well known and In love with them when it clearly isn’t the person they think.

There’s no harm in a crush but don’t be sending pictures that could be shared online or money- you never know who is really at the other end

CoronaIsComing · 16/04/2020 23:36

Whatever you do don’t send him money.

Inthepurplerain · 16/04/2020 23:42

How did you meet? What country does he live in?

I guess those 2 questions are quite important here

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 16/04/2020 23:47

Does sound a bit like you're projecting a fantasy on him. I guess it could be harmless though as long as you don't actually send him money or encourage him to move over here for you.

PapayaCoconut · 16/04/2020 23:50

he has a job which makes him well known to the public

What does this mean? Is he a politician or something?

Samtsirch · 16/04/2020 23:52

I am sorry to be harsh but you are very probably just one of many who feel that he is the light of your day.
Hé is probably married with children and amuses himself by feeding the need of many lonely or vulnerable people out there.His sort are experts at knowing exactly the right thing to say at the right time.
There is someone special in the world for you, but it is not him.

CrazyToast · 17/04/2020 00:00

Nevermind these cynics, it could end up being a love story. It happens all the time with online romance, yes even with a man in another country that you havent met.
However, more likely it is a fun escapist crush.

Either way, go ahead and enjoy it! Just be sensible about it and try to stay realistic.

No reason you shouldn't have fun with it though, as long as you're aware that it could go wrong. Sometimes the fun is worth the let-down or heartbreak that comes later. It's bitter-sweet.

Just dont give him any money.

naughtycat · 17/04/2020 00:01

What is the difference between "limerance" and "a crush"?!!!

Apart from the word that the word Limerance makes It sound so much more complex and sophisticated Confused

I think you have a crush OP. Enjoy it Wink

CatAndHisKit · 17/04/2020 00:06

OP HAS met the man, albeit once.

ShallallalAa · 17/04/2020 04:36

I think it sounds like you've lost the plot a bit. Put the dating app down.

adayatthebeach · 17/04/2020 04:50

There are hypnosis relaxation/love removal videos on YouTube that work. Try one.

myopnionismine · 17/04/2020 05:07

Age is just a number
Besides your attraction how do you keep in contact by video chats?
You see a snipet of his life just keep it real and send no money
Be cautious
It would be good to know how this eventuated

LorenzoStDubois · 17/04/2020 05:20

Has he asked you for money yet?

AnduinsGirl · 17/04/2020 06:05

Life would be fairly joyless if we couldn't have crushes, even if they have no chance of becoming real, although I'm sure several miseries on here will soon try to unkindly knock out any spark of positivity you may be feeling. Enjoy your crush, fantasise about him liking you back and moving over here, etc. Just always know in your mind that it's most likely not going to happen.

LellyMcKelly · 17/04/2020 06:39

Is it Ben Fogle?

Hadjab · 17/04/2020 09:06

@Checheyj does he actually message you back?

Original poster
Checheyj · 17/04/2020 09:10

He's never asked for money or anything from me . We message or call each other daily I would say and he does live in Europe . You're all right it probably is a crush but then I keep thinking what if Grin . The limerence things sounds accurate though so thank you for taking the time to respond . I could keep you updated if you want

OP posts:
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