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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Separated parents at this time

34 replies

FloydWasACat · 16/04/2020 18:47

I know this has been posted about before but I can't find anything recent.
For those of you who are separated from their child's parent (Dad in my case for one of my kids) are you still letting them stay at weekends at the other parent's house?
I have kept my son with me as ex is a key-worker and still working I went with the decision that the risk wasn't worth the visit. However, my ds has been asking when he can see his Dad and after the latest announcement of this going on for another three weeks at least I don't know what to do for the best.
I genuinely would welcome opinions and experiences about this as there has been no update from the Gov about things changing with regards to children moving between households.

Ex and I are on good terms and he understands why I have said no contact at the mo, but I am genuinely winging it.

TIA for any insight advice anyone can offer

OP posts:
Jonesy28 · 16/04/2020 18:53

Myself and ex are both key workers. Risk is probably similar for both of us. So my DD is still going for usual visits. It's quite good as she realises it boring at Dads just like home!

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 16/04/2020 18:55

I think if we were both key workers then I would be doing the same as you.

OP posts:
WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 16/04/2020 18:57

I would allow it personally unless anyone in your household is higher risk. Obviously I would stop if either developed symptoms.

mummy2oli · 16/04/2020 19:01

My son is still going between both households. I think it’s important for them to see each parent. We also don’t know how long this is going to go on for. As long as everyone involved is taking all precautions and following guidance the risk should be minimal

opticaldelusion · 16/04/2020 19:02

What kind of key worker? NHS front line or working in a bank behind a screen for two hours a day?

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 16/04/2020 19:04

Job Centre/ Benifits advisor. If people reckon I am being too over the top I will rethink things, they both miss each other

OP posts:
amy85 · 16/04/2020 19:06

My kids are still going to their dads every other weekend..they have been going for longer weekends seeing as he's not at work atm....it's keeping us all sane

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 16/04/2020 19:07

Think I have my answer already, thanks for the input so far

OP posts:
BowToYourQueen · 16/04/2020 19:09

My children are staying with me. But my oldest has type 1 diabetes and my exs sister (they both live with their parents) is a nurse

JillyBlooper · 16/04/2020 19:25

I'm the same as you. Kept kids with me as thought it was initially the right thing to do, ex was still working etc. Eldest in particular misses Dad a lot. Is it best to stick with decision we initially made or now to let them go back and forth! I'm confused about what to do.

HugeAckmansWife · 16/04/2020 19:44

Mine are moving at longer intervals because there's distance involved. Both of us are wfh so minimally risky. I think the deciding factors are to do with how each household is managing lockdown, work etc

Lanurk · 16/04/2020 19:52

I’m a key worker (on my way into work just now Sad) and my daughter hasn’t been to see her dad since lockdown began. He says it’s for social distancing but I’m reality it’s because he’s lazy and it’s a convenient excuse. I’m happy to go with it and let him sit in his bed all day because she’s happier with me than she is round there

AGreatUsername · 16/04/2020 19:54

Mine haven’t been. He is still working and his wife is working in an a&e department, I have asthma and am trying to not see anyone. He’s been coming every Friday to take them out on a walk for an hour, trying to keep a distance between him and them. We are lucky to have that option though and the relationship to be able to sort out compromises. I’d hate for them to not see him at all, but the risk is too high to carry on as usual.

1moreRep · 16/04/2020 19:58

mine are but we are both key workers, my kids would be devastated and it is not worth the damage to their mental health

JagerPlease · 16/04/2020 20:03

Mine is still moving, both key workers although mainly based at home. Nobody high risk in either house and DS has never gone longer than about 10 days without seeing one of us (and that's a one off, normally no more than 3 or 4 days) and so for his benefit we're sticking to normal pattern

Glaceon · 16/04/2020 20:26

My boys are staying with their dad because his partner is a care worker and very vulnerable herself. I live in a flat in town. We cant go out without bumping into people in daylight hours.

Even if it isnt killing most kids I wouldnt want them passing it to her either.

We video call and I made an account on roblox to play with them.

HeckyPeck · 16/04/2020 20:28

Honestly, why risk it with him being a key worker?

Original poster
FloydWasACat · 16/04/2020 20:30

So bloody confused

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 16/04/2020 20:42

Honestly, assuming neither you or DC is at high risk, let him go to his dad's.

watermelonpink1 · 16/04/2020 21:03

Mine staying with me , I'm accused of being ott by my ex but nothing is more important than my child staying alive ! Basically him feeling upset and missing child for a few weeks is more important than our child's heath . I don't care who thinks I'm unreasonable. He isn't complying with social distancing either in his own life so not a chance I'm risking it

CallmeIT · 16/04/2020 21:07

My DC are staying with me full time. My exH (or I suspect, his GF doesn’t want to increase the risk for their household by having my children visit. No-one is a key worker or high risk in either household Confused

Howaboutanewname · 16/04/2020 21:15

High risk child in my household. Ex not happy but understands it’s probably for the best toisolate as best we can. He also has shit WiFi and the children themselves have said they don’t want to go because of that.m

SuperMumTum · 16/04/2020 21:47

If none of you are high risk then I would definitely let them go to their dad's. Mine still go back and forth twice a week and I am in a public facing role as a key worker.

SuperMumTum · 16/04/2020 21:48

Children are at a very low risk from corona virus.

Home42 · 16/04/2020 21:53

My DD is normally more resident with me. At the moment I am working full time from home but ex is furloughed so DD is spending more time in the week with him and weekends with me.

If your son wants to see his Dad, your ex is asymptomatic and you aren’t a vulnerable or caring for someone vulnerable then I’d allow contact. This is going to go on for a LONG time.