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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wanting to give 5 year old dummies back so I can get some sleep

52 replies

painickingturnip · 16/04/2020 13:06

So the Easter Bunny came and took all my 5 year old's dummies on Saturday night and left chocolate in return. Unfortunately it hasn't been plane sailing as I had hoped. Bedtime has went from a pretty smooth affair, to a a huge battle, even getting her into bed is now a struggle. She's been waking 4 or 5 times a night since, DH and I are taking turns to settle her in her own bed with cuddles, and sitting with her until she falls asleep, or bringing her into our bed if nothing else works. She has been far more emotional in the day too with her behaviour going down hill, thanks to the broken sleep. DH is a key worker, he needs to get up for work in the mornings, so he can't continue with this broken sleep.

I can't really see this getting better for a while, and since I still have the dummies in a bag under the sink, should I just give them back to her? She still asks for a dummy, and says that she misses them. While I don't want this all to be for nothing, it really can't stay the same. So AIBU to want to give the dummies back?

OP posts:

Gloria5 · 16/04/2020 13:08

It would be easy to say “no, ride it out”. But is there any form of happy medium you can work with? Not reverting entirely back to whatever previous dummy use was but not continuing down this path. She probably does need to stop using for the sake of her teeth I’d assume?

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 16/04/2020 13:09

I wouldn’t. I think she’s quite old and you should stick it out!
I would tell her firmly before bed that you are tired and she must not cry and wake you in the night/you don’t expect to see her in the morning etc. If she wakes tell her off.
Alternatively give her a bribe for not waking you up all night and going to sleep well like a new toy for something she really wants x

Potterspotter · 16/04/2020 13:12

Do you think she has any additional needs - 5 is late for dummy use but if her teeth are ok I’m thinking in a few more years she’ll probably stop herself and this is an unsettling time for them so not the ideal time to change key sleep routines.

I’d probably crack.

pjani · 16/04/2020 13:14

I would hold the line - it won’t last forever! - but try and be patient and kind as for her it is a big and hard change. Is there any kind of special alternative or distraction that could be offered?

AuntieMarys · 16/04/2020 13:14

Bin the dummies. Too tempting in the house

Littlecaf · 16/04/2020 13:15

I’d say ride it out. Chuck the dummies away. Be strong!! In these situations I have to remind myself who is the parent (I have been there and the right answer is not to give a 5 year old a dummy back after you have removed it! Short term pain, long term gain!)

sufferingsandra · 16/04/2020 13:15

My friend’s son still has them at five and it is far too old without any additional needs.

Stick with it.

sunshineanddaffodils · 16/04/2020 13:16

My 13 year old dd still sucks her thumb! No issues with teeth. I’d probably let her self wean but I do love my sleep.

AvocadoOwl · 16/04/2020 13:16

Stick to your guns. 100%

Laserbird16 · 16/04/2020 13:18

Um as the dummy for several years I would say give it time. It sounds like this is a recent change so of course there is an adjustment period. Are you clear on why you no longer wanted her to use dummies? Maybe reflect on your reasons and call on them when she wakes you... Maybe while rocking back and forth. At 5 can you talk to her about alternative soothing techniques, drink of water? Cuddle a toy? Tracing her fingers? I'm sorry it's hard

SmallPinkBear · 16/04/2020 13:22

We binned the dummies when we took them from our (then) almost 3 year old. The first night was fine (xmas eve) and after that she was so upset, asking what could she suck? Where were her dummies etc etc. It lasted a few days but within a week we were done so persevere with it, otherwise you will have it all over again when you next try

raspberrysmum · 16/04/2020 13:24

I recently got rid of my nearly four year old dummies but it was second time. You could always just have them for nighttime. I used to say that MrsFairy used to come and put it under her pillow at night and take it away first thing in the morning. If she went looking for it, it wasn't under the pillow, only at nighttime. It worked better second time round. We are now 5 weeks in and no issues. Best of luck.

ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 16/04/2020 13:25

Stick with it. Otherwise next time will be even harder.

Emmacb82 · 16/04/2020 13:43

I think you need to try and stick with it, it will be just as hard next time and you’re already a few days in. You need to be careful not to make new habits instead. At 5, she is more than able to understand that it’s bedtime and she needs to go to sleep. You do bedtime routine, story and then sleep. If she messes about she gets taken straight back to bed with no conversation or attention. If she wakes in the night, do the same. By sitting next to her, or taking her to your bed, you are rewarding her behaviour when she should be sleeping. I’ve had to do all this with mine, and it’s not easy, but if you stick firmly with it and don’t give in, in a couple of weeks you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner! Good luck though, it’s really tough x

strawberry2017 · 16/04/2020 14:12

Don't give them back, you will regret it in the long term.
Tough it out for a bit longer and you will get there. Breaking a habit is never fun but always worth it in the end.
You could always look at getting her a special teddy to take to bed instead.
I do agree that you need to throw them out so the temptation isn't there.
You might need to toughen up on the sitting with her as well, at 5 she is old enough to communicate with and not have to sit with for so long. Maybe follow the super nanny technique.
It will be a rough few nights but by staying with her and talking to her it will make the whole process last longer.
Good luck I know it's not easy but you will get there. X

hippoherostandinghere · 16/04/2020 14:15

Do not give in. Bin them so you aren't tempted. At 5 they will be affecting her speech and her teeth even if you don't think they are. Has she any additional needs? I really think you need to ride this out, and maybe try find something new that you can replace dummy with, something like a new teddy.

Wing1ngit · 16/04/2020 14:19

You've come so far, I would stick with it! We are doing the same with our one year old at the moment and its so difficult. I cant imagine how much worse it would be with an older kid (one of the reasons we're doing it now). I ended up throwing out the dummies yesterday so hopefully I wont crack. Good luck

BeNiceToYourSister · 16/04/2020 14:19

Definitely stick to your guns. 5 is far too old for a dummy! You’ll only make it harder in the long run if you give in now. Not judging though, I know how hard it is!

Rosebel · 16/04/2020 14:20

Don't tell her off if she wakes. That's horrible, she isn't doing it to be naughty. Can you replace the dummy with something else like a soft toy. My daughter's both have special toys that are for bedtime or if they are upset.
If all else fails give her the dummy just for bed. It might just be that with so much else going on she can't cope with more change.

Winterwoollies · 16/04/2020 14:25

Do not give them back. This will just teach her that she’ll get them back when you try again to remove them. Bin them. Ignore her emotional behaviour and be positive. It won’t last forever. Fucked teeth will though.

MargotSimpson · 16/04/2020 14:27

A few months ago I got rid of my 3year olds dummies during the day. Now he only has one at bedtime. He’s almost 4 so I’m planning on getting rid of it at night soon but it’s worked for us doing it in stages. I feel your pain but you probably should just ride it out though

Isadora2007 · 16/04/2020 14:30

Send her a cuddly toy bunny from the Easter bunny that has special sleepy magic in it to help her sleep.
Then gently start to move her dependence on your or hubby onto the bunny for getting back to sleep. And stick with it. It’s only been a few days and she really doesn’t need a dummy. She needs help to sleep by herself as she hasnt learnt how to without the dummy yet- look up good sleep hygiene habits for children and check you’re doing these.

Soubriquet · 16/04/2020 14:35

Give them to her

My dd did the same thing when she was 3. Went from a happy confident girl, to teary, emotional and fragile.

Gave them back and she was fine. She gave them up not long after wards.

She was only allowed them when she was in bed and eventually she just didn’t want them anymore

RandomMess · 16/04/2020 14:36

Our youngest had them at night only until she gave them up willingly otherwise she just sucked her thumb instead- arghhhhhhhhhhh

Much much harder getting them to give up thumbsucking.

My eldest traded them for a scooter at 5 but mentioned them for many years afterwards.

I would stick it out until the end of the week tbh, it's hard to have your sleep prop disappear overnight.

opticaldelusion · 16/04/2020 14:40

Ride it out. I suspect it will all change quite soon. Also not only are you storing up the battle for a later date as well as potentially affecting her teeth, you're teaching her that she'll have what she wants, even if it's bad for her, simply if she complains enough.

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