Wanting to give 5 year old dummies back so I can get some sleep

[painickingturnip]

So the Easter Bunny came and took all my 5 year old's dummies on Saturday night and left chocolate in return. Unfortunately it hasn't been plane sailing as I had hoped. Bedtime has went from a pretty smooth affair, to a a huge battle, even getting her into bed is now a struggle. She's been waking 4 or 5 times a night since, DH and I are taking turns to settle her in her own bed with cuddles, and sitting with her until she falls asleep, or bringing her into our bed if nothing else works. She has been far more emotional in the day too with her behaviour going down hill, thanks to the broken sleep. DH is a key worker, he needs to get up for work in the mornings, so he can't continue with this broken sleep.

I can't really see this getting better for a while, and since I still have the dummies in a bag under the sink, should I just give them back to her? She still asks for a dummy, and says that she misses them. While I don't want this all to be for nothing, it really can't stay the same. So AIBU to want to give the dummies back?

I’d just have her in bed with you from the start of the night for a few nights and then gradually move her back into her own room with bribery if necessary . I definitely would not give back the dummy at that age .

No just keep reminding yourself it’s short term, don’t give in. Five year olds don’t have dummy’s you know that, that’s why you’re ditching them, keep strong.

Trust me I know about broken sleep at the minute, but please try not to bring her in to your bed even though it’s so tempting. Unless co sleeping works for you, it’s just not a good idea. I always cried to get in my mums bed at around 7/8, and though she said no at first, I knew if I whined and kept crying she’d let me in eventually. This went on for years and years, I was unable to get to sleep on my own and she admits to me now that she slept very poorly for a long time but couldn’t say no to me. Dd also knows on a sleepover at grandmas that she can whinge and she’ll get to share her bed, something she doesn’t do at home, so it’s learned behaviour that she knows she can get away with.

No advice about dummies I’m afraid as mine never took to them, but just wanted to throw my own necessary two cents in. Good luck!

5 is far too old as you're aware. Don't give in now, you'll do her no favours in the long run.

Tough it out. The reason it's hard is because you've already left it several years too long before taking the dummy away!

DH and I are taking turns to settle her in her own bed with cuddles, and sitting with her until she falls asleep, or bringing her into our bed if nothing else works.

If you wouldn't normally do this, best not to start now - try to get back to the usual bedtime routine and just keep returning her to her own bed if she gets up. Sounds like the dummy removal has spiralled into a bigger thing.

Going against the grain here but I’d let her keep it at night until she’s ready herself.

Speak to her during the day about it and talk about other ways of calming - deep breaths, cuddly toys, those little soft toys that wrap around your wrist and other fiddle toys - and try those out as well.

She will be ready, probably sooner than she thinks, she'll know none of her friends have them.

She could also try sucking her tongue on the roof of her mouth, same action but without the dummy, providing a similar sensation.

As she's 5, I'd be completely honest. Tell her you are doing it because you want her to have nice teeth. Show her pictures teeth so she understands what you mean. Tell her in a year or two she might have a friend to stay the night as a treat and she might feel embarrassed to still need one as dummies are for very young children. Ask her to think of something special she might want to hold if she wakes in the night and talk her through what she will do if she wakes up and wants her dummy. Then explain that you will not be coming back in during the night as the grown ups need sleep and try and be consistent. Come up with a fun morning reward together. Hardest thing in the world but you've already put in a lot of hard work and she needs a clear message.

Don’t give them back!

She’s 5. She needs to stop the dummy.

Don't give them back. She doesn't need them, it's just habit. Help her to learn to self soothe.

It's so, so tough but try not to give in it will pass eventually. My 4 year old hasn't had a dummy in 5 months but still asks for it every single night. On the flip side - I know I had a dummy until I was about 5/6 and my teeth are perfectly straight (I do have other dental issues unrelated to dummy use unfortunately 😫) - obviously this is anecdotal but it's not a guarantee that a dummy will definitely deform teeth and so if you really aren't getting any sleep and your daughter is extremley distressed then I would probably be tempted to give it back.

Don't give them back! 5 is much too old! Plus you'd be giving out all kids of wrong messages

I say do give it back. We are a family of late dummy users. I kept mine until I was at least 5. DS1 had his until later just at bedtime. When he finally gave it up he struggled to get to sleep for absolutely ages.

I think it varies between children as to when they need to suck for comfort. It’s just at bedtime, not running around with their friends fgs.

For the record our teeth are all fine. Your child, you know her best.

Firstly, bin them.
Secondly, what about if the Easter bunny wrote a lovely glittery card saying how pleased all the little babies are with the dummies and how he knows she is a big brave girl etc, hoping she will be extra as daddy has a special job to do, so when she’s missing her dummies at night to think of the bunny/babies and how happy she has made them all?! Maybe no good but worth a go?

We got rid of ours (5 year old) too! Just before lockdown - she’s got her teddies and said she sucks on their ears if she feels like she needs her dummy - not ideal as have to keep washing her teddies! But I suppose it’s one comforter for another - worth a go?

PS the dentist told her off for me! Said no dummies!!!

This might not be the best time to worry about dummies. My 6 year old is really struggling, and has regressed a great deal recently. I found this article really interesting:

www.today.com/today/amp/tdna177861?__twitter_impression=true&fbclid=IwAR0w5IqqEj-3tq66z4oymsmu7ngs8hcKX5yzyswHTq6vS50Hi9FvW79uhI4

My dd has very complex special needs and we took her dummy at 3. It was very very painful but much better that she doesn’t have one. At 5 I’m not sure why any neurotypical child would have one. Can’t you replace it with a teddy?

I wouldnt sit with until falls asleep imo your just creating another crutch. Quick cuddle and leave again.

It’s not an ideal time to introduce a big change, perhaps, and I’d be tempted to backtrack. I can still remember my parents trying to get me to stop sucking my thumb, and going to bed early so I could suck it under the covers! The idea of putting a dummy under her pillow might help—how about if you said it would only appear if she went to bed properly with no fuss—then it's a reward for settling.

Agree with PP. Five is way to old already so don't give up. And don't sit with her either it's just a new problem to have to fix.

We took dd dummy off ber during daytime at age 2, strictly bedtime only. She jas kist turned 3 and i dread taking it off her fully

Absolutely stunned by the number of posters saying to give it back/ that it's fine.

A dummy at 5 can impact on speech and teeth. You need to be the parent and say no.
Lots of cuddles, reassurance, explain why its gone but stick to your guns.

Ignore my post if your child has additional needs and that's why they still have a dummy

I would stick with it. You made the decision for a reason... dummies can and will affect teeth development.. ask any dentist.

Ride it out, eventually she will settle.

Bin the dummies so you aren't tempted!

I sucked my thumb for ages. My younger dd has a dummy for a year, was a bit unsettled the first night it was gone and that was it. I tend to think now that we don’t all develop in the same way and maybe some kids do need them longer.