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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dh to furlough?

52 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 14/04/2020 23:48

So dh is the main earner. He has cut his hours to 4 days per week which was absolutely fine as I increased my income but is now tight as I am self employed and will not get paid till June. Plus much of my work is new contracts taken since April 19 so I won't get the benefit of this.

Anyway dh has been working from home and actually having quite a cushy time. He is essentially waited on as he has some mobility issues and does nothing around the house.
So I am doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, homeschooling and generally sorting 3 kids. One of the children has additional needs and I suspect the youngest has too.
Anyway dh is talking about furlough as his company have asked for volunteers. I have argued that it isn't wise to offer mainly due to putting himself more in firing line for redundancy but also from a finiancial viewpoint as 20% of his salary is a big loss.
No decision has been reached but aibu to suggest caution?

OP posts:
Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 14/04/2020 23:50

Actually thinking about it the loss will be greater as his current salary is above the limit.

OP posts:
Doryhunky · 14/04/2020 23:54

Why does he want to furlough? I would consider it but I am on my own trying to homeschool two kids. I wouldn’t otherwise.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/04/2020 00:02

He said he feels that his workload is reduced anyway but part of me thinks he would like more time for hobbies.
Maybe I should say if you furlough you will have to homeschool dd3.

OP posts:
1300cakes · 15/04/2020 00:11

I see your point. It makes sense to furlough if you have a lot to do around the house including childcare, or if you can't wfh and are at risk of cv going out to work everyday. Neither of these apply to him.

As for him complaining that his workload is reduced anyway - what does this matter? If his company is still paying his normal salary does it matter if he is a bit less busy than usual?

bombaychef · 15/04/2020 00:16

If you are working and he furlough then kids are his to oversee full time.
That's wha would happen here

Noconceptofnormal · 15/04/2020 00:17

Does he earn more than £30k? If so it is more than 20% he will lose as the government will only cover up to 30k,unless his company will make up the rest.

But agree anyone on furlough will in most cases be in the firing line for redundancy as you've already proved yourself to be expendable.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/04/2020 00:20

I am not able to work at the moment due to the nature of my work.

OP posts:
SnowsInWater · 15/04/2020 00:24

I think you are right, it's a bad idea, but from the way you describe him he may we'll do it with or without you agreeing. I would sit him down and say it his his decision, BUT if he does you will expect him to take over anything he can physically manage in the house, including all the home schooling. Make it clear that this is not an idle threat or negotiable, it is the only way you will support his decision.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/04/2020 00:25

Well it doesn't sound like he can afford to furlough so surely that's the answer? Sit down with the numbers and crunch them.

If his work is reduced, does that mean he isn't working the full 4 days but is sitting in an "office" in the house away fro mthe kids, or he's coming out and u lling his weight?

His 1 day off he should def be doing all the home schooling as you've got everything else to do and if he furlough I'd argue he does minimum 3 days a week or he has 2 kids for 5

SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine · 15/04/2020 00:27

He said he feels that his workload is reduced anyway but part of me thinks he would like more time for hobbies

My DH initially seemed quite smug about being furloughed, as he obviously thought the same. It turns out that the venues he goes to for his hobbies are all closed. Our kids are adults, although one is here working from home. Dh has taken on some volunteer work to get himself out of the house (social distancing is possible).

SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine · 15/04/2020 00:29

And yes of course your DH should be helping with home schooling and so on. YANBU, this is only fair.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/04/2020 00:31

Before this hit he was probably doing an extra hour in the office than he is now.
I think the noticeable reduction in workload hasn't happened yet but is coming.
I guess the decision coyld ve taken out of his hands and if so I guess I will have to try and find work but I am going to have a stronger word about this as we need to find more balance in that case.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 15/04/2020 00:33

The normal response to you not being able to work would be for him to try to add back that extra day of work as long as it won’t damage his health.

AprilFloundering · 15/04/2020 00:34

It's not a good idea.

I wouldn't support it.

But if he is furloughed, voluntarily or unvoluntarily, I would make it very clear he will pulling his weight at home: anything he can do, he will be doing, and he will be homeschooling his children. he will NOT be kicking back getting on with his hobbies and lie ins while you bust your arse doing everything for everybody.

Chloemol · 15/04/2020 00:36

Tell him is he does this is the list of things he would be expected to do at home and present him with such a list

ZombieFan · 15/04/2020 00:46

Well if he doesn't furlough what is the risk he is let go or the company folds?

Soon2BeMumof3 · 15/04/2020 01:18

Mobility issues would not prevent him from homeschooling your three children, so if make it clear that this would be his full responsibility if he chooses to do this.

alloutoffucks · 15/04/2020 01:23

I too would worry this could lead to him being made redundant. Keeping his job has to be the priority.

pinksunday · 15/04/2020 01:26

Being furloughed doesn't put you in the firing line for redundancies!

Soon2BeMumof3 · 15/04/2020 01:28

@pinksunday I disagree. If in the coming months, the company needs to let people go, then someone they've already done without is the easiest person to make redundant.

LilacTree1 · 15/04/2020 01:35

When you say he has some mobility issues

Within the confines of this, is he doing everything he can?

LilacTree1 · 15/04/2020 01:36

Sorry, that wasn’t clear
Is he doing everything he can around the house?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/04/2020 01:40

I do think some people have 'furlough envy'. Those of us still working there is a temptation to see people getting paid 80% for nothing and feel jealous. I don't because I have a sense that those furloughed may be surplus to requirements afterwards.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/04/2020 01:52

I don't because I have a sense that those furloughed may be surplus to requirements afterwards This. There is a maximum of 12 weeks payments in Ireland after it is up, it is jobseekers, most contacts have if business suffers they can let you go.
Anyone furloughed needs to hope their job is the type that will bounce back otherwise it is jobseekers.
OP yanbu if he is working from home he is keeping safe, some men are naturally selfish. I'm off work a few weeks now, DP is still working FT he is due a kick in the arse too regressing to a caveman with me home full time.

timeisnotaline · 15/04/2020 01:53

Have you not already told him that financially it would be really difficult so best not to volunteer but on the bright side if he is furloughed anyway he can homeschool the kids which will make life easier? Suggest he look up some homeschool plans or review the school ones tonight so he is getting his head into gear.

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