To not want dh to furlough?

[Northernsoulgirl45]

So dh is the main earner. He has cut his hours to 4 days per week which was absolutely fine as I increased my income but is now tight as I am self employed and will not get paid till June. Plus much of my work is new contracts taken since April 19 so I won't get the benefit of this.

Anyway dh has been working from home and actually having quite a cushy time. He is essentially waited on as he has some mobility issues and does nothing around the house.
So I am doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, homeschooling and generally sorting 3 kids. One of the children has additional needs and I suspect the youngest has too.
Anyway dh is talking about furlough as his company have asked for volunteers. I have argued that it isn't wise to offer mainly due to putting himself more in firing line for redundancy but also from a finiancial viewpoint as 20% of his salary is a big loss.
No decision has been reached but aibu to suggest caution?

Make it clear to him that if he furloughs, educating one child will be completely down to him.
He will be expected to do 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, all subjects, grapple with the education portals, cope with dc’s tantrums, and organise child sport-based exercise daily. He does not get to sit on his bum or do hobbies.
Also to do his share of cleaning & gardening......like the rest of us. This isn’t a holiday.

Are you sure you want to be married to this man ?

I agree with missterrypratchet sounds like a bit of furlough envy and he just wants to be off work to do hobbies and not thinking much of the logistics.

I am disabled. There are certain things I can’t do. And there is a lot I can. I think he is looking at the issue from what he can’t do and what he can get away with rather than what he can. And he’s getting away with a lot because you are letting him. I get that, it’s easier for you to do it than he.

Perhaps you could go along with it and say. Oh yes, it will be great. He will be able to do x and y. While you’ll be able to go out on long walks alone and get some you time in. Afterall he has 3 Whole days every week... Make what he has to do a long list. Then add of course we will have to tighten our belts by getting rid of x hobby or y subscription etc. But yes, furlough could be so good for him to be more hands on with the family.

Unless and until you step back make him take more responsibility for life, the house and your children, he isn’t going to listen. He sounds very cut off from reality.

I think your main argument is financial stability - both the loss of funds now and the chance he'll be made redundant in the future. Choosing to lose more than a fifth of your income when things are already tight is not a move that normally makes sense, even less so when the financial situation for the country is so uncertain. (It wouldn't hurt for you to be looking for other work either - who knows how long lockdowns of one sort or another might continue. Having two incomes can really increase financial resilience.)

But it would probably be good to point out to him that if he has time free he should be relieving you of your duties to the extent you both have the same free time (and he should be doing that with his one day off already) and so that you can cut down on expenses to make up for at least some of the lost income. He's probably not really noticed how much you are doing and is sort of dreaming of having an extra long holiday to do as he pleases with - I can see how that's really appealing for 80% of pay, but it's not the reality you're all looking at.

I think that you should set out your stall, as it were, to him and say that IF he goes on furlough, then THIS is his list of tasks to take on in the home. And give him the homeschooling and anything else that you think should be shared by him.

That would probably be enough to stop him volunteering, at least. And yes, I agree that those who volunteer for furlough are more likely to be offloaded at the end of this.

Good luck!

The trouble with being furloughed is it's like taking a sabbatical in one way. You better hope people actually miss you whilst you're gone, or you've just lost a chunk of job security as they've realised they don't need you as much as perhaps you/they thought.

If he does go on furlough, will the company top up his wages?

It should go without saying (although from your posts, I suspect it needs to be said!) that being furloughed is being paid to do nothing. It shouldn't be viewed as a holiday, it should be viewed as an opportunity to pitch in for the good for the household. If you're still working and he's not, he needs to take over all the childcare and general household maintenance, so you can work more efficiently and generate income.

Have an honest conversation about what he expects his day-to-day to look like on furlough.

I'd lay the scene of what would be expected if he furloughs. List of jobs around the house and garden, who takes turn making lunches and dinners, if you are doing this job then I will entertain the kids and home school.

Might make him realise that it wont all be a jolly doing as he likes.

@Soon2BeMumof3 we have furloughed all our Leisure staff as the Leisure centres are all closed. As soon as they open again we will require the same amount of staff to run and staff the Leisure centres so none of them will be at risk of redundancy. My husband has been furloughed because his work relies on retail being open. Everyone except the highest level of Directors have been furloughed. They need managers and staff to run the business. They are not going to make all staff redundant as they can't run a business without them.

Even furlough situation will be different - it doesn't ALWAYS mean you are more likely to be made redundant but it may in some situations.

Every not even

I'd say to everyone rushing to take furlough be careful, if you can avoid it and have the option to work I'd do that.

Just from an employers point of view, it's the staff that will work and support the business that will be in a stronger position after this, skills will be current, work ethic will be in place.

I know furlough in most cases isn't optional, but if given the choice take the work!

Thank you for confirming what I already thought. I just can't help feeling that at the moment his lack of desire to help even with washing up which he used to occasionally do is down to some combination of physical health, mental health or plain laziness and I can't work out what.

If he is thinking of changing the status quo then I would suggest you both have a chat about how you both see this panning out and what will be expected of both of you in the home. It sounds like it will be wildly different!

@pinksunday but the OP's DH is being given the choice of volunteering for foulough. That suggests that not everyone at his level will be taking it. If there is a prolonged downturn, then those who weren't missed on furlough are likely to be more at risk of redundancy.

This is not the same as a business closing entirely and expecting to reopen when permitted

Exacty mines

Why would anyone even want to furlough?! I’m on furlough and lucky enough to be getting 100% salary but it’s boring as fuck. What hobbies does he plan on doing? Everywhere is closed, so he won’t be able to go out for them.

I fill with my time baking and cleaning, and have taught myself how to knit, but by god I can’t wait to get back to work. IF I get back, I imagine I’ll be a redundancy case working in aviation.

In his free time lately he has mainly been indulging in two hobbies which very much can be done at home and lots of watching TV.

YANBU those on furlough will unfortunately be top of the list for redundancy as they’ll have been out of the business for x weeks. People are volunteering at my place and they are mad. Unless they have 30+ years service and hope for a good redundancy package.

Obviously the above is industry dependent.

So you’re currently doing all the housework and educating all the children? If that’s right then with him off you can continue with the housework and he can educate all the Children, not just dd3?

Well as long as he’s aware he’d be top of the list for redundancies. I’d view it as madness to volunteer for furlough. It may bring a short term benefit - who wouldn’t want to get paid for doing nothing- the longer term consequences are dire.

I'd be drawing up a daily furlough schedule and timetable for the household with all chores and tasks split equally just in case he thought it was going to be like a holiday for him.

If your relationship broke down, he'd have to do these things for himself anyway.

he needs to do more.

@pinksunday where did I say it will always mean redundancy?

every company is different. Just because your leisure centre will reopen needing the exact same number of staff to run it doesn't mean every organisation is the same. I am in business to business professional services. If many businesses go under, we will have less clients and therefore less work and therefore people will be made redundant. The people who aren't there are usually the easiest people to lay off. No handover needed, no disruption to workflow, and no chance that they walk out with some essential knowledge or skill that no one else has- the business is already coping without them.

OP's DH is putting himself in the firing line.

@Soon2BeMumof3 I agree where there is just not enough work to go round that people are crazy to volunteer for furlough.

I would never volunteer for furlough if given the choice, especially if they are expecting work to continue to decrease- there aren't any guarantees that it will pick up again at a sustainable rate to avoid redundancies once this is 'over'. Not in a million years. It sounds like he just wants to sloth about, if he is being waited on hand and foot and his workload has decreased a bit sounds like he is doing alright already.

Update. It seems he has not been offered to furlough thank God.
He said he was kind of disappointed at it would be great to be paid 80% and not work. His Company would top up the extra over the limit.
When I said well if you did you would have to take on 50% of what I am doing. He went quiet!! No real surprise!!

Op, that’s good it’s worked out. But you should take a good look at your communication style and work on being more upfront. He’s had conversations with you about wanting to be furloughed and given you’ve only now said he’d have to do 50% you obviously felt uncomfortable saying that before. I can’t imagine not saying very clearly to my husband you seem to think this will be a jolly. It’s our children and our house and if you’re on holiday you will be pulling your weight, running homeschool, Colin fb, cleaning and being a caring engaged parent to keep your dc happy and motivated. Watch out the martyr complex, it’s why many women end up unappreciated and miserable!