Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend not being understanding about my unemployment

50 replies

ston · 14/04/2020 22:45

I (23F) work for the Post Office as a key worker in the supply chain. My contract means that the Post Office can state how much hours a week they want me to work. I have been working full time 35 hours a week there since July 2019. However, with everything going on this week there is hardly any work so I have been told I might have to not work for weeks until all is back to normal. This means I will not have any income.

I am quite sad about this as I am trying to save money for driving lessons, a car, house so I can move out etc..

I expressed to my boyfriend that I was upset about not being able to earn money. He said that i am in a good position compared to most people

OP posts:
Original poster
ston · 14/04/2020 22:47

(Sorry thread posted before I finished)

...he then said ‘stop being annoyed at life, it is what it is and can’t you just accept it and be happy.‘

While I completely understand there are people that have fully lost their jobs, am I being unreasonable in thinking that my boyfriend should be a bit more supportive?

OP posts:
BeetrootRocks · 14/04/2020 22:48

Can they do that?
Maybe post in employment section?
Does he assume you'll be getting the 80% furlough thing?

Zoecarter · 14/04/2020 22:49

Yo do realise people are losing there lives don’t you?? People are permanently losing there jobs homes etc etc

If you are still living with parents with savings you will be ok. Your boyfriend sounds like a good egg helping you have some perspective

drunkyhumptydumpty · 14/04/2020 22:50

He sounds like a cup half full kind of person.

He is being supportive in his own way. He's not said anything bad. What do you actually want him to say?
There's nothing he can do.

bridgetreilly · 14/04/2020 22:50

He's right though. While it may be annoying for you, you still have a job to go back to.

BeetrootRocks · 14/04/2020 22:51

I would expect my boyfriend to commiserate that I had lost my income for an unknown period of time tbh

And there's always someone worse off.

I'm surprised they can do this though, but don't know much about employment law.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2020 22:53

You really had to be there, for this one.
His comments can be utterly dismissive of your feelings, through to a genuine attempt at helping you gain perspective, or anywhere in between.

Some people will always show their support by trying to be positive. My husband is a bit like that - I’ve had to tell him, sometimes I just need him to say, “noooooooo that sucks! Poor you”.

Jengnr · 14/04/2020 22:53

It’s not misery top trumps. She’s lost her job, she’s allowed to be upset and/or worried and frightened by it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/04/2020 22:54

@BeetrootRocks they can if OP is on a zero hour contract.

I get it OP. I'm on furlough and while I'm glad I still have a job for now it's still stressful and scary. And I'm sick of people saying "people are losing their lives" as if that means no one is allowed to be upset about anything else at the moment.

BeetrootRocks · 14/04/2020 22:55

I thought they banned them after all the fuss a few years back! Really disappointed that's not the case.

Original poster
ston · 14/04/2020 22:56

I will not be getting furlough no.

My contract is like a ‘student contract’ where I just used to work in the university holidays. However since leaving university I have continued to work there but have been working there full time instead. They told me I could not go on a permanent contract yet due to everything happening with coronavirus.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/04/2020 22:56

No, they're still perfectly legal unfortunately.

BeetrootRocks · 14/04/2020 22:58

Well I'm sorry you've lost your income op.

Elieza · 14/04/2020 23:04

You are both right. You are right to be worried about losing your income. He is right that there’s always someone worse than yourself.

It would have been better if he had recognised both those things.

Does he have a steady job? I had an ex who told me it wasn’t fair I got sick pay as he didn’t! Hardly my fault. He was right but it was a jealousy thing. Perhaps yours is jealous of what youve got as he (or someone he cares about, mum or whatever) does not.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2020 23:06

What did you actually want from him?

Daftodil · 14/04/2020 23:12

Im sure the OP knows that people are losing lives and that there are many worse off, but something can be bad without having to compare it to everyone else.

In your shoes, OP, I'd also be pretty worried and would want my partner to exhibit some degree of sympathy. I don't think YABU to want him to acknowledge that your situation is less than ideal.

tillytown · 14/04/2020 23:18

Ellisandra sympathy probably, just like you would want in the same situation

Bookoffacts · 14/04/2020 23:25

Your being too intolerant. I don't think you fancy him any more tbh

MaxNormal · 14/04/2020 23:30

Yo do realise people are losing there lives don’t you?? People are permanently losing there jobs homes etc etc

What a shitty response. Losing your job and income is horrible, particularly during a time where getting another one is so unlikely.
Losing a home is not "etc etc" it's a fucking devastating life event that some people kill themselves over.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2020 23:35

@tillytown I posted upthread what I would want (not in this situation, but in others where I am upset) and how I’ve had to have that conversation with my husband so he knows how to make me feel supported. And the other way too - my way to support is to jump in with practical solutions - and that’s not always what he wants.

My question to the OP, was for her to think about what she actually wants from him - so she can tell him. If she just said “I want sympathy” that may not help. He may think that finding a positive (that’s she’s not in a bad position - I’m guessing because she lives at home?) is sympathy. I don’t think it is. But I think if she sees a future with him, she needs to think about what response she wants, and discuss that with him.

I’ve had to tell my husband - sometimes what I want from him is the response, “fucking bastards!” (even if they’re quite reasonable Smile)

DianaT1969 · 14/04/2020 23:47

Have you finished university now? Were you planning on a new career based on your studies anyway? Might be worth applying for those jobs with remote working.

GameChange123 · 15/04/2020 05:59

Claim universal credit in the meanwhile to top up the lost income until the job picks up or you get another (better) job

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2020 06:28

Hopefully you’ll get a better job than this in the future. I struggled to get a job during recession after graduating. I did but not in my university city. Until then I’d been working full time on a 15 hour per week job in a shop. Idk what he said to you. Perhaps he was trying to prop you up but got it wrong as you wanted him to commiserate with you. My dh struggles with this kind of empathy too.

Runkatierun · 15/04/2020 06:44

OP your feelings are valid and your boyfriend should be more supportive. My husband isn't very empathetic, generally I'm a pretty positive person but when I am having a shit time I tend to speak to a friend rather then my husband as hes not very supportive

I'm sorry you're closing your income in this shitty way, how disappointing they cant furlough you

Di11y · 15/04/2020 06:54

I'm certain you're eligible to be furloughed. even zero hours contract it's what your standard working pattern is.