To feel extreme sadness over my baby getting older

[Winter2019]

Didn't know in which section to post it so here goes... Got two kids, youngest nearly 4 months old. To be honest in my teens and even early twenties I couldn't even imagine having 1 child, let alone 2 but here I am, mum of two beautiful kids, both planned, i know, I'm lucky. However, since second one was born, since she reached about a month instead of being happy that she's growing I feel extreme sadness as the weeks pass. I keep looking at pictures when she was a newborn, wishing i would've taken more pictures and all i want to do is cry. I don't want to have another baby, it's not that, i don't even like being pregnant and i wasn't like this after first one. Anyone feeling same? What the heck is wrong with me? How can I enjoy her growing up?!

It’s okay. Four months is a nightmare. It’s just after the point where the natal hormones that were flooding your body have left and I found it a massively hard period with all of my children. Take a deep breathe and take it day to day. This will pass.

I'm feeling a bit similar and mine is 11 months. She's large so is growing out of the small clothes really quickly. I think it's normal to feel a bit sad.

But if you're feeling very down and struggling to pick yourself back up is it possible you might be feeling a bit depressed? I've been flagged for pnd and I definitely struggle some days more than others.

I wouldn’t say extreme sadness but I did cry when my 3 month old twins outgrew their newborn clothes and I feel a little like you do. I know what you mean. It took me a long time to get them and I know I won’t have any more so I think it’s partly that. On the upside I appreciate them so much and I consciously try and squeeze all the happy moments out of each day. I’m putting together a memory box with their first size nappies and bottles and hats etc to show them when they are older and that’s helped me. And remember your little one is still really little! You can take lots of photos now.

I felt like this. Like you, I was sure that DC2 would be my last and I think that's what makes it hard. Knowing it would be the last time you had a baby at x stage all the time. I didn't think about it with DC1 because I was quite sure there would be a time to go through each stage again with planned DC2.

DC2 is now 8yrs and I still have sad moments when I wish he was 6 / 4 / a toddler.

I do have a history of anxiety/low moods. Been taking low dose of antidepresants for ages. Might need to increase the dose. Yes, some days are better when I'm looking forward to seeing her so more stuff bit most days I wish she was still a newborn, I would even re-live the post birth hospital stay (and believe me it wasn't pleasant) to see her newborn again if i had a chance

Thank you all for replies, I really appreciate and it's soothing to know that some of you have felt similar/same

I have been the same. DS is nearly 5 months and is growing so fast. I had a bit of a wobble when he grew out of his 3-6 month clothes - had him after years of infertility treatments and feel so guilty.

I’ve been feeling like that for a few months now op, but my children are older.
I go from being excited about the present and future and seeing them grow, to feeling extreme sadness that time is flying by so quickly and I will never get those times gone by, back. They’re all memories now.

I’m the same! Ds2 is 6 months today & I cried. Probably because I’ll never have a newborn again. And probably because my period have come back so my hormones are all over the place.
I’m so excited to see the little human he becomes, but so sad that my tiny baby has grown in the blink of an eye.
Keep any eye on how you feel, if it’s more than a passing feeling and is impacting most of your days, it might be worth talking to someone.
We are living in very difficult times. Be kind to yourself xx

I don’t love the baby stage but got hit by it a little older with my dd - I’m never going to be able to spend time with that gorgeous 2 year old again now she’s 4 - it’s almost like missing a different person. But then for me they just keep getting more fun, so it’s just a sort of pang that I can get past.

@cattaxi thanks and good point - I had my period come back few days ago so it also could be highlighting how I feel

I still feel that
My boys are 8 and 3 it does feel weird that they’ll never be smaller than they are now, i am pushing 40 with no intention for other children it emphasises to me the end of one stage of life into the next.

A lot of people feel like you, I don’t think it’s an unusual emotion though maybe you are feeling it more strongly than most?

I have a nearly four month old and feel the opposite, I get excited every time she does something new and I was pleased to put her newborn clothes away as it shows she’s growing quickly. Could you try focusing on the positives about her getting older? The baby stage is not my favourite, I can’t wait for her to be able to walk and chat with me. There’s so much to look forward to as they grow!

My 2nd is now 15 months and I get teary all the time as I know for certain she will be my last for a multitude of reasons. Every milestone is a little bitter sweet but I love watching her grow. I think it's normal to an extent but if you cant shake the sad feeling definitely watch out for it slipping too far into depression rather than just emotional.

I had a few little tears today looking back at some photos of DD when she was little. She’s 16 now, probably only going to be living with me for another couple of years and as much as that makes me beam with pride, it also makes me a bit sad.

I don’t think if ever ends.. my naughty, giggly, cuddly ds who thought I was perfect is now a sullen 19yo old who hates me.. I remember that feeling of wanting to hold on to time.

The only thing I can say is write funny things
down, take lots of photos (printed not on phone), then look forward to the next stage.

I wanted time to stand still with my second because you know how fast it goes and they really are not in tiny newborn stage for long at all. I remember feeling even though it was exhausting I wanted to take as much videos and pictures as I could. Tbh my youngest is now 4 and he likes to pretend sometimes he is my baby he wraps himself up with me in my dressing gown and out the top "pops out of me" (like it was that easy! ) rightly or wrongly I indulge him evertime and pretend he is my baby. I think I'm going to be more sad when this cute stage passes than the even the real baby stage

@Winter2019 I do think hormones have a lot to answer for. I was almost contemplating another baby this week. Despite being over 40, having had 2 horrific pregnancies, 3 kids in the house, Dh’s job being insecure in current times. Madness I tell you!
I adore the newborn stage & will be sad forever that I’m not doing it again.
Just keep an eye that it’s not turning into something more. And look forward to all the lovely new things and stages to come. My ds is 2 months older than your dd and has come on so much in the past month or so - rolling, babbling, giggling, blowing raspberries, devouring food. Watching them grow is also very lovely x

Normal feelings. Mine are teens now and I get sad moments of never having certain stages ever again X

My DD will be 17 this year,I don't know where the time has gone.
I have been realising that you only have them for a short time and they will move and have lives of there own.
The trouble with bringing up a strong,independent girl is that she will become a strong, independent woman.

I felt like this with my first to an extreme. Looking back it was a symptom of my PND but I also hated it being nighttime as another day of her being tiny had passed. I did feel the same with DCs 2&3 but a much more ‘mild’ version. I guess I’m saying I think it can be normal/a often experienced emotion or it could be a symptom of something more so please take care of yourself and get some help if you think it might be needed.

I felt sad as ds got older, I definitely wasn't going to have another. It was more being torn rather than very sad. I think that theres also the inevitability of the passage of time that is highlighted with children growing up.
My youngest is 9 now and still sometimes holds my hand, makes me feel all warm and snuggly, but i know one day it will be the last time, so theres that hint of sadness too.

I’m a really sensitive and sentimental person. I have 2 DD’s and I once read a post on Facebook about how there will be a last time for everything with your kids, which left me feeling pretty broken. That was until I thought about all of the firsts. No matter how old they get, how big they grow or how independent they become, we will be by there sides through it all. From the first time they sit up and when they take their first steps, to their first boyfriend and their first broken heart. We are their mums and we will be there for them in all of the adventures and experiences that their life brings.

The baby days are not lost. You’ll carry those memories with you forever and you’ll create new ones with your beautiful children every single day. Your bond with them will only strengthen throughout all of this.

You have so so much to look forward to OP, you’re right at the beginning of this amazing journey keep smiling ☺️

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