To feel extreme sadness over my baby getting older

[Winter2019]

Didn't know in which section to post it so here goes... Got two kids, youngest nearly 4 months old. To be honest in my teens and even early twenties I couldn't even imagine having 1 child, let alone 2 but here I am, mum of two beautiful kids, both planned, i know, I'm lucky. However, since second one was born, since she reached about a month instead of being happy that she's growing I feel extreme sadness as the weeks pass. I keep looking at pictures when she was a newborn, wishing i would've taken more pictures and all i want to do is cry. I don't want to have another baby, it's not that, i don't even like being pregnant and i wasn't like this after first one. Anyone feeling same? What the heck is wrong with me? How can I enjoy her growing up?!

My youngest is nearly 4 and I feel this. More of a delayed reaction and mostly triggered by seeing her baby clothes. I think this is a perfectly normal response but like you the sadness is quite intense at times. I secretly have more baby clothes hidden away in my wardrobe. I'm so embarrassed at how many and would never let DH or anyone in RL know or see. But I just can't bear to part with them just yet.

I remember everyone telling me that the baby years go by quickly but in the daily grind you get caught up in managing the days with lack of sleep. For me once some level of normality, sleep and hormones returned to normal it hit me one day that I'll never be able to carry her around like a baby and that stage is very much over. I feel so deeply sad. It stings to know they are growing up so quick. The upside is that I try harder to make each day count. And I definitely try harder to take a picture and short video each day.

Hormones and on top of that, your anxiety, will most certainly be playing havoc here.

But do try to enjoy your baby’s development if you can.

I think nostalgia and a bit of sadness is normal from time to time but it seems like you are feeling things much more deeply and for longer. I don’t think that is entirely normal especially given your history of low mood.

I think it's because it's your last, OP. I do this with my nearly 2 year old - "this is the last time I'll ever..." because I know I'm not having another one.

I still get feelings like this, DD is now 5. I put it down to the fact that I know I'll never have another DC, it feels sad and final but I try not to dwell and look ahead to creating new memories with her and try to cherish moments

I am like this with my 11 year old DS.
I've just had my 5th MC since having my 2 DC, so I know I won't ever have another child (mostly because I can't go through another loss). I now look at my 11 year old and feel desperately sad that he won't be little for very long and that he's my last.

@frazzlerock I'm really sorry to hear that

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, it has made me teary. I am indeed a nostalgic person so no surprise I feel like that. I also know she IS still a baby so want to be able to enjoy it and embrace it instead of feeling down

I totally understand this feeling and feel it myself. My 3rd is 9 months old and time has just flown, he started crawling last night and while I was delighted for him, I did have a little year for myself. I'm dreading him walking and moving from baby phase to toddler but I keep reminding myself that I want him to be healthy and have a normal development so doing these new things are a sign of that and what I want.

I was the same with my two older children and each time DH had said we'd have no more (was very lucky to get 3 out of him), so I was sad each time as they were growing thinking it would be the last. This time will be the last and I can't bear to think of the last times with him.

What has helped me is to just know that the feeling of sadness at this chapter of life changing is normal and I have to sit with it and feel it. Also to remind myself of how awful those last days of pregnancy are, how nice it will be to sleep again (think this is also a factor) and to have more time for me. I'm looking forward to seeing who these children become, hopefully doing things that I like to do together, having conversations at the dinner table and not having to deal with young children mess.

Be kind to yourself OP, take lots of pictures and know you are appreciating the days with your little one, your baby will always be your baby, even when he/she is much bigger. No one can replace the bond you have.

I felt like that a lot when my baby was about 3 months. The lockdown means time is dragging and I'm feeling it less. She's 5 months now.

Maybe the lockdown is messing with you. Maybe you associate your baby being younger with no lockdown and therefore a better time

I get the sadness. I would love to bottle up my 2yo as she is now. Grateful to have this extra time with her at this age in lockdown even if she is hard work sometimes!! But every time I catch myself wishing she would stay this cute and perfect forever I try to remind myself that I'm lucky that she will be able to grow up and do all the things I hope she will do and become an adult one day. Not everyone gets that.

I wouldn't say I get sad, but I certainly feel a little tinge now and again. My eldest will be 3 in June and I also have another daughter who's 3 months - I think since our baby came along I'm remembering lots of lovely memories from when our toddler was tiny. She's due to start preschool in September which has just flown by.

I wouldn't want to go back in time though, she's my really wonderful and funny little girl and everyday her personality grows. Rather than being sad that she's getting older I'm proud that she's growing and learning so much.
The same applies to our new little one, a couple of weeks ago she started giggling and gurgling which is just so rewarding. ♥️

I remember this. It wears off. In about 13 years you will be counting the days til they can leave....

I think nostalgia is a pretty normal feeling but extreme sadness and feeling of wanting to cry when your little one is only 4 months does seem worrying.

Our children are meant to grow up, leave each little phase and grow beautifully in to the next.

Remind yourself that this is a normal and wonderful privilege to watch your children grow. Try to change your focus and see it as the wonderful chance you have. Live and love every moment, don't waste the moments on any sadness.

I think you should talk to your gp about the possibility that you have PND.

I cried when my eldest turned one, I found it deeply emotional and worried he’d never be my baby again. He’s ten now and he’s a fantastic kid to have around.

If I’m totally honest, I’m just grateful to have healthy children who survived infancy. That may sound morbid but I know too many people who were robbed of such luxury so I don’t dwell on mine getting older at all.

Try to think positively, you have so much to look forward to watching them grow up but you can also cherish today.

I'm not usually at all sentimental but remember crying when I read this poem after I had my last baby (now 20) and always remembered it . If nothing else it's a great excuse to avoid housework. The last verse is:

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep

I understand OP. My son is almost one and has taken his first steps this week. And whilst I’m bursting with pride, I’m also a bit sad as I’m so aware he’s becoming a toddler and I won’t have a baby much longer. He’s my last and I miss the snuggly newborn days.

Oh that poem is so sad and so true.
As couple of you mentioned here I do try to be positive about her little milestones, like putting on weight, giggling.. Cause not everyone gets that, I know. Life's cruel sometimes. And then I get scared about what horrible could happen. Yes, I might actually have slight pnd simptoms. I mean, I'm also happy through the day, I really don't know. But it's really helped me to see I'm not only one who feels sad.

As a mum who has lost a child I'd say try to enjoy every moment. Cherish every moment.

I find it hard, 6 years later, to even look at photos of my boys growing up. I felt that nostalgia when they passed each milestone but want to think in time I can look back and enjoy the memories made when they were little.

@minmooch so sorry for your loss.

My two are 7 and 9 now. Still little and they are so clever and funny and I love spending time with them and I think every day how lucky I am to have them, but when Facebook memories shows them as little babies in their baby grows or their cute little Smilley faces as toddlers it hurts my heart a little bit.
I would love to go back and just spend one more day with them.
It's like they are completely different little people that have gone forever.

@Minmooch I'm so sorry, that is terrible :(