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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staying in for weeks

42 replies

forthrelifeofme · 13/04/2020 18:53

I've been told to self icolate since February as dp was worried about my asthma. So I haven't left the house since then. I haven't had a letter from my gp about being in high category. And have since spoke with them in regards to picking up a prescription and I was ok to do that. I'm not even allowed to pop out for essentials (milk) I have to wait until he finishes work (he's furloughed stafff but he's the only one in) I know many of us are in this position but I literally just want to go out for milk instead of him.
Sorry if I'm b. U. I'm stressed and have been isolation for ages. I just want out! Sorry

OP posts:
cabinfever2 · 13/04/2020 18:58

If you havnt had a letter you don't need to self isolate . Is he controlling normally? This could be fear by my GP laughed at me when I asked if he could write a letter confirming my sons asthma as he said many asthmatics are not being told to stay in

Dreamersandwishers · 13/04/2020 18:58

Sounds like DP cares about you a lot which is nice. That said, if your gp reckons it’s ok for you to go out, observing social distancing, then perhaps DP can loosen up a little. 😁
I don’t think your DP is wrong to worry about you, but you are an adult so it’s not for him to ‘allow’ you to go out
. Perhaps just reassure him that you are taking care, but be wary of him being too controlling as well.

cabinfever2 · 13/04/2020 18:59

But my gp not by my!

Original poster
forthrelifeofme · 13/04/2020 19:08

@Dreamersandwishers he does care, overly! Which is lovely but I feel like I'm losing my independence a little. As I suppose some of us are! I think he's just too caring. I sound so ungrateful when others have nasty partners etc. But I just miss my freedom is all. Hate to sound so ungrateful.

OP posts:
Pomegranateseeds · 13/04/2020 19:11

It’s not his decision. I appreciate that it’s coming from a place of love and care but there is no need for every asthmatic person to isolate. Some key workers have asthma and are still out there.
Your mental health is also important.
Is there a reason you can’t go for a daily walk, away from people?

Original poster
forthrelifeofme · 13/04/2020 19:11

@cabinfever2 I asked my gp about asthma and being high risk. It was very complicated in terms as in what steroid inhaler your in permanently and if you e had steroid tablets (prednisolone) over so long. I'm on salbutamol and clenil but have had prednisolone 6-8 times this year which apparently puts me at risk. I think it all depends on your gp etc. I just don't know.
But hope your all keeping safe Thanks

OP posts:
Toomanyapplesinthefruitbowl · 13/04/2020 19:12

I think you need to have a conversation with your asthma nurse. The criteria for shielding for asthma are pretty high, so it may be that you can safely go for a walk. That decision should be made by your medical team, not by your partner

Toomanyapplesinthefruitbowl · 13/04/2020 19:13

Cross-post! Did your GP say you needed to be shielded or just that you were higher risk than average?

Womencanlift · 13/04/2020 19:16

Have you looked on the asthma uk website? That clearly lists all the criteria for being shielded. I would go by that (and your GP’s guidance) rather than just a generic I have asthma so I need to stay in for 12 weeks which was certainly the advice initially about a month or so ago

TotesGodsWill · 13/04/2020 19:17

Asthma doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the shielding group, it depends on the severity.

The way you word it (you’re “not allowed”) to do things makes him sound very controlling rather than just concerned for your health, he’s treating you like a child.

mrsbyers · 13/04/2020 19:18

If you don’t need to shield them sorry it’s your choice wether to leave for a while for a walk etc

Thighmageddon · 13/04/2020 19:19

Are you under consultant led care, Gp or shared care?

It's possible you've been missed off the shielding list but a conversation with whoever is in charge will sort that.

It does sound like he either has some health anxiety which he's transferring to you OR he's trying to control you.

I'm high risk but my dh is leaving the decision to leave the house entirely up to me, I'm not shielded so I just need to assess the risk of me leaving the house.

ineedaholidaynow · 13/04/2020 19:20

If your DP is furloughed why is he working?

ScarfLadysBag · 13/04/2020 19:21

I think he's the boss so has furloughed his own staff but is still working himself

cabinfever2 · 13/04/2020 20:09

Ah ok our gp was really horrible to me about it . I would get some real clarity to reassure your hubby x

PleasantVille · 13/04/2020 20:14

Do you mean your DP has told you not to go out?

If your GP is happy for you to get prescription you aren't on the shielding list so you are allowed to go out if you stick to the rules aren't you?

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 13/04/2020 20:21

Something about this makes me really uncomfortable.

No matter how much you love or care for another adult you don't force them to stay inside and be completely dependent on you.

Even if he only has good intentions (which I'm not convinced of) this type of situation will change the dynamics of a relationship massively and possibly ruin it once frustration and resentment kick in.

rosiejaune · 13/04/2020 22:35

Even if you were in the group advised to shield (which it doesn't sound like you are anyway), that's what it is; advice. You make your own informed decisions about whether to follow it or not. It is not his choice.

He sounds abusive.

Lazypuppy · 13/04/2020 23:14

You don't need to ask permission to go outside

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/04/2020 23:27

Hi OP

I understand he doeant want you to make trips to the shop to pick up milk. We should all be avoiding other people as much as possible and a trip to pick up one item is unnecessary.

But can't you find a quiet time to go a walk or cycle or something? If you pick your route (eg backstreets so you can go in the road if you need to) and time unless you live in the middle of a city you're likely not to get close to anyone.

How would he know if youd been out anyway?

Makeitgoaway · 14/04/2020 08:04

Frankly, even if you were in the shielded group, it's still your choice.

If DH is so keen to do things right for you, is he shielding you from him? If he's still working and shopping and he's determined to follow the shielding rules to the letter, you shouldn't be sharing a bed, bathroom or kitchen.

Maybe it's all because he cares but it doesn't entirely sound that way.

YorkshirePud1 · 14/04/2020 08:18

It's absolutely your choice to go out. Your mental health is also very important and going for a walk will do you good. Maybe suggest he still does all the shopping and as others have said, just go out for a daily walk at a time you're less likely to bump into people.

daisypond · 14/04/2020 08:22

Your DP has told you to self isolate? But you have no medical need to? That’s not right at all.

userxx · 14/04/2020 08:27

You've been in the house since February!!! My mum is 72 with asthma and she's still popping to the local coop, she's not been told to stay indoors and if my dad suggested that I think her reply would end in off !

Incrediblytired · 14/04/2020 08:30

Asthma UK are definitely very helpful. I have asthma and according their website I veer in and out of high risk! Because from about March to September I take high dose fluticasone furoate vilanterol (did to pollen) but less during winter so theoretically low risk. I haven’t spoken to my GP about it as I just feel guilty bothering them at the moment.

It would be good to talk to your husband about going for a walk at least? It sounds like he’s just trying to protect his household and this likely about you and him - he’s furloughed his staff which will help you all so reducing you going out will help further...

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