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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling police?

65 replies

Catloveisreal · 13/04/2020 09:44

I know the police are busy right now but I am very worried. My husband who has been living with OW since lockdown has texted saying he's coming back. There is no spare bed and my daughters are having panic attacks at the thought. My son can't bear the thought either. All older kids 16y plus. Husband is an emotional abuser and also appears to be very angry and possibly unstable. I want to stop him coming here and as I'm a care worker I really can't allow him in but he's extremely intimidating. Is it unreasonable to ask police to intervene?

OP posts:
Original poster
Catloveisreal · 13/04/2020 10:07

We only found out recently but he admitted to long term relationship with her

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 13/04/2020 10:09

I don't know the ins and outs, but could you call 101 and explain everything to them and then you'll be high priority if he shows up and you call 999? I'm sure I've read that on here. But as a priority get an emergency locksmith out to change the locks! Possibly get your children to block him temporarily until this coronavirus issue is over and you can sort things officially?

PrivateD00r · 13/04/2020 10:16

OP definitely ring them NOW for advice. Good luck Flowers

caradelvigna · 13/04/2020 10:17

If his name is on the tenancy/ownership you can't legally change the locks without giving him a key. I'm not saying don't do it but it can end up getting a bit messy. Definitely phone police and ask for advice.

Besom · 13/04/2020 10:21

I work very closely with police and they are concerned at the moment that people may not be phoning them about situations of domestic abuse when they should.. When it comes to this, it is very much business as usual for police and other services so you should definitely phone them.

NaughtyLittleElf · 13/04/2020 10:28

I would report his threatening behaviour towards you and your dc and contact a solicitor about getting a court order.

cheeseislife8 · 13/04/2020 10:31

Definitely phone them OP

crimsonlake · 13/04/2020 10:48

No mortgage? So assuming the mortgage is paid off and the house is in both names? That would obviously make you joint owners and he has equal rights to the property.
How long has he been living away? This would make a difference as you are entitled to your privacy and equally enough warning that he wishes to enter his own property.
I really think you should phone the police and ask for advice as to whether you can actually prevent him from entering.
I know from experience this is a horrible situation and his threat is not so uncommon.
Do you fear for your safety?

nancyjuice7 · 13/04/2020 11:10

I work with DV and the courts. Please don't let this man in the house.

You can get a 28 day domestic violence prevention order meaning he cannot enter the property wether he owns it or not for 28 days

www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/criminal-justice-blog/what-are-domestic-violence-protection-notices-and-orders

Secondly get an emergency Injunction to stop him from contacting you. These are free if you are on certain benefits or means tested otherwise. They are still operating despite courts being closed and they can be gained with hours. The courts are open tomorrow but the charity will be open today.

www.ncdv.org.uk/

jackstini · 13/04/2020 14:52

How are you OP?

Cherrysoup · 13/04/2020 14:55

Of course call the police! Honestly, they are super keen to support victims of dv. Please don’t hesitate if you feel threatened.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 13/04/2020 18:14

The police aren't that busy at the moment - as far as I can tell they're all driving aimlessly around the streets and parks looking (but invariably failing to find) people who are gathering in groups.

Protecting you from domestic abuse is actual proper policing.

Original poster
Catloveisreal · 13/04/2020 19:24

Police said he can come home to his main residence and nothing they can do..

OP posts:
Redglitter · 13/04/2020 19:31

The police aren't that busy at the moment

I think youd probably find my colleagues who were working this week & were absolutely rushed off their feet might just disagree with that ill informed statement

Fenellapitstop · 13/04/2020 19:35

Unfortunately, they may be right on that, did they at least complete a risk assessment with you?

Look to apply for an occupation order, you can do this through rightsofwomen.org.uk or NCDV.org.uk

Good luck

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 13/04/2020 23:23

I think youd probably find my colleagues who were working this week & were absolutely rushed off their feet might just disagree with that ill informed statement

What were they actually busy doing? I've never seen so many police vans on the streets and parks, but they never appear to be doing much of use.

I think I saw someone being fined for sitting alone, mid dog walk, on a park bench (couldn't hear the conversation, but he was handed a white slip of paper). By all means break up house parties, but you've definitely got better things to be doing than fining people for having a pitstop during exercise.

Redglitter · 14/04/2020 00:14

They were dealing with all the usual range of calls plus the numerous reports of social distancing breaches. Some call types are on the decrease but theres a definite rise in others Were still every bit as busy as normal. They actually issued very few fines. Most complaints were dealt with by engaging with people and moving groups on etc. Unbelievable how many people thought that the rules didnt apply on Easter weekend 🙄

Elieza · 14/04/2020 00:30

Is the house his ‘main residence’ like the police think OP? Sounds like he has been living elsewhere as his main residence.

I hope you and dc are all ok.

justilou1 · 14/04/2020 00:33

Ring them back and say he’s been residing elsewhere

DdraigGoch · 14/04/2020 00:56

The police can't prevent him contacting you. That's the role of a court. Follow the links above to obtain orders and injunctions. Technically you can't stop him accessing a property he part owns but leaving the key in the inside of the lock so that another one cannot be used is rather less drastic than changing the locks.

Original poster
Catloveisreal · 14/04/2020 06:37

Our locks still work with key in inside sadly. Police knew he been at ow for 3 weeks but still said he could return. Have emailed my lawyer.

OP posts:
Jokie · 14/04/2020 06:54

@catloveisreal: did he return?

Original poster
Catloveisreal · 14/04/2020 06:58

No not yet just sending crazy ranting texts and harassing my kids by text

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 14/04/2020 07:01

Get a locksmith to change the locks today. Technically you 'can't' change the locks without giving him a key if he asks for one, but your & the kids safety is more important -he can argue the toss with the police/your lawyer.

Call women's aid, see if they have any advice

Contemptible bastard

ponchek · 14/04/2020 07:18

That's rubbish, what the police said. He's gone into lockdown in another home so that's effectively his residence for lockdown. And he also can't come 'home' due to threatening behaviour.

Ok so ring them again and say regardless of lockdown, you are all afraid and want protection.

You need to speak to the local domestic violence team. Now. Xxxx

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