To be offended by this statement?

[lifesbetteraftertea]

"At least you can take this time to be with the children and let them enjoy mummy being home" (works closed for the duration) this is from mil who is constantly making jibes about my working, I'm part time, not that it makes a difference, I am happy with how much time I spend with my kids, deep down and I know I'm making the right choices for my family, yet why am I constantly left feeling so utterly offended by her remarks?

Honestly, it’s your own sensitivity.

If you truly believe there’s absolutely no validity in her comments and you are entirely confident in your choices, you’d roll your eyes at MIL’s daft, sexist comments and think no more of them.

Sounds very patronising and sexist. I'd be irritated, but ignore her. Didnt she work in her younger days?

@PinkyU thanks and I honestly agree with you, I'm really trying with not caring what others think but I think it's her persistence and the fact that she is family that gets to me!

@SandyY2K nope she's never worked ! She is absolutely set in a different world and so so sure of her own beliefs that it's impossible to try to reason with her. DH shares my views 100% and honestly I'm always the peacemaker between them.... he just can't bare how patronising she is but I always try to intervene before he says something he might regret...

Nothing is more irritating and infuriating than quiet confidence and belief in oneself. Harness these and nothing mil says will irk you again.

From your 3rd post I'd say, stop trying to reason with her, at all. Secondly, on here we usually say it's not a MIL problem, it's a DH problem, but in this case, both you and your husband agrees 100% on this matter, yet you are being the peacemaker between him and HIS mother, and intervening in case he says something he might regret. That doesn't make any sense. She is getting mixed signals, and at no point being called out for her batshit opinion! Next time, don't be the peacemaker, or stop your husband saying what he wants and giving her a piece of his mind. Maybe that will be enough to actually shut her up, and butt the fuck out of your marriage/parenting decisions.

Both things can be true. Working part time can be right for your family, but it can also be a good experience for your children to have extra time with you. What kids don't want more of their parents' attention? You sound very defensive.

Mil has made a very good point!

If it's touched a raw nerve, maybe that's because you know she's right!

@lifesbetteraftertea ignore Solomummy. There’s always one.

Just ignore your mil.

She says it because she believes her choices are the only right one. My Mother does similar. Ignore.

Wondering how a solo mummy gets to stay at home all day with child(ren) and not have to go to work.

I think you're being a bit defensive. I work part time and am completely comfortable knowing I'm doing the right thing for my family and myself. The kids are enjoying me being around more, that doesn't mean they are miserable and neglected in childcare.

She thinks mums should stay at home, you think they should go to work. It's just a difference of opinion isn't it? Can't see the issue personally.
In your eyes she's wrong, in her eyes you're wrong.

@BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler
Before school age, and quite simple really, fiscal planning!
Post school age, I work in school hours only, from home.
So yes, all round doing what's best for my child!
Thanks for the concern!

No point in being offended by it. Just tell her you and DH are very happy with your decisions and lifestyle choices and ask her to stop talking about it.

I think it’s the context that makes the comment offensive. In itself saying the DC will enjoy extra time with you, is fine. But considering all the digs she’s made in the past you’re right to feel irritated by it! Just remember all the benefits children get from having working parents and brush off the comments as much as you can. I’ve worked FT since my eldest turned six months and genuinely don’t feel a shred of guilt or regret over it. I know I’m a good mum. Spending extra time with them now is lovely but I’m glad things will go back to normal eventually!

Just follow it up, every time, with “...and Daddy too!”

Any further comments from her, tell her it’s your family’s choice and there is no point discussing it further.

So yes, all round doing what's best for my child!

Pertinent point being what’s best for YOUR child. That cannot be extrapolated out to be best for anyone else’s!

You can hear that about "mummy" being at home just as much as "daddy" being at home.

Take it as you want, if she bothers you, tell her that you can't wait to go back to work and you have applied to work full-time. Why would you care what she thinks? Does she live with you?

I’ve heard lots of parents being thrilled at spending more time with their children 🤷🏻‍♀️ DH barely ever sees DS and this has been fantastic for DS and their relationship. Doesn’t mean he isn’t right to work, or that he feels upset by it. Just objectively better for our son to have both his parents at home all day.

I can totally understand how annoying this would be
I have always worked ,never really crossed my mind to do anything else

Has worked brilliantly for us
In the early days got a bit it negative comment which I always shut down politely but firmly eg are you going back to work Yes we both are 😄

Thanks all for your replies. I have a live and let live attitude so I don't think twice about what others do with regards working and childcare etc, and I'm confident in my choices, it's just the constant judgement on her part that occasionally gets to me, but thankfully I'm over it today!!

A lot depends on your relationship. Can you be sure this is really meant as a criticism? Can you be sure you are not just a tiny bit sensitive on the subject? There is always more at play. Sometimes we hear what we think is meant. Most mothers work these days. Many people do think its nice to be at home with the children, Many people dont. Amazing that we do often have choices ( but admittedly not always) Try not to be offended, it may well have been meant as a positive

One of your posts is more revealing ( how patronising she is)

😮 I said something similar to my daughter...I only wished to encourage her to look on the bright side...you know...silver linings etc. See it as an opportunity. There was no criticism implied.