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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband right and AIBU?

36 replies

Blackdog19 · 12/04/2020 20:53

Please settle an argument between my DH and me. I was lucky enough to get a couple of food deliveries. I ordered food for us as well as my mum. So twice, She’s driven over and picked it up. She hasn’t come in the house. I’ve picked the bags up and put them in her boot. She has stood at least two metres from the door and talked to me & the children. My dh thinks we’ve flouted the lockdown. I think it’s better for her to do this than go shopping if she has no need to. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 12/04/2020 20:59

Your dh is being unreasonable. You have maintained social distance. What’s his issue? Is he pissed off that you’re doing something nice for your mum? Does he think she’s more than capable of getting her own shopping? Is she?!

primeexampleof · 12/04/2020 21:00

100% your DH.
It's a lot safer for her to do this than to go to a supermarket!!

CoffeeRunner · 12/04/2020 21:01

No guidelines have been flouted. DM has been getting her shopping, as she needs to, with the minimum level of social contact involved.

Carry on.

primeexampleof · 12/04/2020 21:01

Sorry that should say 100% your DH is being unreasonable not you.

Blackandgreenteas · 12/04/2020 21:02

You are in the right, but is there a reason you can’t drive it over to her? That way she doesn’t need to leave her house

springydaff · 12/04/2020 21:02

100% YANBU and 10% YABU??

What's that all about?

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 12/04/2020 21:04

YANBU, clearly your dh can't engage his brain and realise that is less risky than your mum going to the shops. Some people just blindly follow rules, because they can't apply common sense 🤷‍♀️

ZombieFan · 12/04/2020 21:04

Its not the end of the world but it would have been a lot safer if you dropped it outside her house. You were already out and there was no need for her to leave her home and expose herself to the risk.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 12/04/2020 21:05

OP wasn't already out, she got a delivery Hmm

Sexnotgender · 12/04/2020 21:05

Totally fine and safer all round.

WifflyWaffle · 12/04/2020 21:06

Totally fine. YANBU

ZombieFan · 12/04/2020 21:07

ok Wewearpinkonwednesdays I worded that badly. I was trying to say its safer if younger people do the outside trips rather than the older people.

Original poster
Blackdog19 · 12/04/2020 21:12

To be fair my mum wanted to see the dc’s and I wouldn’t have taken them with me if I’d taken the shopping to her. Maybe it’s because his parents are still going out shopping 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
ButteredCrumpet29 · 12/04/2020 21:14

Yanbu at all. Don’t know what your husband has got an issue with tbh.

opticaldelusion · 12/04/2020 21:17

There'll be someone along in a moment to tell you that you've literally murdered an entire care home's worth of oldies because even looking at someone from a different household gives you coronavirus of the eyeballs.

Neveranynamesleft · 12/04/2020 21:18

No not unreasonable.

Neveranynamesleft · 12/04/2020 21:19

He is being unreasonable sorry

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/04/2020 21:21

Your DH is wrong. You are within the lockdown rules.

oldfarrmerr · 12/04/2020 21:41

YANBU

Yellowshirt · 12/04/2020 22:05

It's a lovely way of you protecting your mum and actually just seeing her daughter and her grandchildren for two minutes from a distance would of been enjoyable.
Your husband is wrong.

melj1213 · 12/04/2020 22:49

I think the only bit I would have issue with is you putting it in the car - you going out of the house, touching her shopping, touching the car then going back into the house, and she will then touch the car boot and bags when she gets home etc.

Under those circumstances I would have left your mother's shopping outside when you knew she was on the way (watching from the door/window to make sure it isnt taken by someone else) and let her pick it up and put it in the car, so that you're minimising the amount of cross over.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 12/04/2020 22:50

Does he see it as unfair because as a family you are doing it for your mum but not his? If so that's fairly reasonable and the gesture could be shared/alternated. Also you might BU I'd the chat lasted longer than it took to load the shopping, ie you used it as an excuse to stand and chat for an hour

Original poster
Blackdog19 · 12/04/2020 22:56

She opened the boot then I put bags in so she didn’t have to touch anything I had (ie the bags) until she’d got home and could wash her hands. Probably chatted for 20 minutes so maybe that was unreasonable but as it was at a distance I figured it didn’t matter. He doesn’t want to get stuff for his parents as he thinks it’s wrong.

OP posts:
melj1213 · 12/04/2020 23:02

Is your mum still going shopping or is the stuff she gets on your delivery enough to stop her needing to go to a supermarket more than once every couple of weeks or so?

Because I can kind of see that if she is going shopping anyway, you getting stuff means it's an unnecessary journey for her to travel to your house, when she could just do one big shop for herself

Sushiroller · 13/04/2020 00:05

He is unreasonable

Does he dislike your mother?