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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so angry!

40 replies

Lincolnfield · 12/04/2020 19:29

My husband is in his seventies so every lunchtime we set off with our three dogs to walk across the fields - we’re lucky that woods and fields are literally across the road. We come out on a main road up the hill from where we live and then walk along, turn right down another road and then right again to get home - so basically a big circle walk which takes us just about an hour. It’s our only exercise for the day and we go at that time because normally our dogs are used to a couple of big walks every day or being out on the moors - which clearly we can’t do just now. We can’t go any earlier because my husband has a bowel problem. He had a resection for Crohns a few years ago which means he needs a couple of hours minimum before he can go out. We avoid people as much as possible, crossing the road to keep away and we are finding most people round here are brilliant and doing the same. We all zig zag across the tracks and roads to keep the distance.

About half way down the hill on our way home, it seems there’s an old person, not sure if it’s man or woman, who sits outside their house in a deckchair and their family is now visiting them every day. Usually between three to five people clustered on the footpath, laughing and joking and shouting across to the old person.

It’s right on the brow of the hill so we have to drag our dogs, one is 15 years old and he is very slow, across the road to get round them. Yesterday, my husband couldn’t cross quickly enough because a car was coming up the hill so he had to walk in the middle of the road and the car driver had to go round him.

Today, this family were there again and they’d parked two cars literally on the footpath as well and the whole group of them were there, as usual, laughing and joking and shouting over the wall to their relative. So, yet again we had to drag the dogs across the road where it’s blind to traffic coming up the hill. I was so angry I just called across the road to them and said, ‘Do you realise you’re completely blocking the footpath?’’

The largest, loudest woman shouted, ‘yeah we know it’s for social distancing’.

I said, ‘but you’re here every day and forcing us to cross the road.’

She then charged across the road, came about three feet - not two metres! up to my husband and started going on about she has to come every day and something about her father(so I’m guessing the old person is a man- it’s impossible to tell). My husband is deaf so he doesn’t really know what she was saying and I was too far away to hear with cars going past.

We were so upset when we got home. We’re going to take a longer route along the main road tomorrow to avoid coming down the hill - which is the most direct way home - and it means our old dog will need to walk a bit further than is really fair for him and I’m so bloody angry! We’ve lived here for forty years and walk up and down that hill virtually every day. I’ve never seen these people until the last three or four days and I’m really not sure they should be turning up en masse like this.

I’m praying for rain to be honest because I can’t see them having a family gathering on the footpath if it’s pissing it down!

OP posts:
meow1989 · 12/04/2020 19:32

Yanbu theres no excuse for ignorance of the lock down rules. Even if providing care it doesn't take a whole family. I would consider reporting them - many local police forces have a method of doing so anonymously.

Sorry you had to experience that.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 12/04/2020 19:33

there's always inconsiderate idiots around, sorry that it's upset you.
Can you not do that part of the walk on the other side of the road and ignore them, or is there only a path on one side?

Crystaltree · 12/04/2020 19:33

I think you should write a nice letter to the occupant of the house. They would probably be upset if they realised they were the cause of bother.

Lincolnfield · 12/04/2020 19:54

Thanks for comments. There is a footpath on the other side but it’s really narrow and steep - to give a bit of perspective it has a hand rail to one side because of the gradient, so we’d still be on the road because it’s too narrow for us and the dogs even if we go in single file.

I said to my husband I can only think they’re taking the old person’s lunch or something but, what is odd is that it’s only started in the last four days. We’ve been walking down the hill around the same time every day for the last three weeks so if it is for taking meals I wonder why it’s only just started? I get that one person could be going but not sur why they have to turn up in a group. I took my sister some groceries this morning because she and her husband are in their eighties but I phoned them, left the bag on their doorstep and legged it down their drive before they opened the door. I just waved and blew her a kiss and then walked away. I certainly didn’t linger on the footpath and she wouldn’t have expected me to.

I think what has really got to me is the big loudmouthed woman’s comments about social distancing and then her coming up so close to my husband. Surely she could see he’s an elderly man himself? Or doesn’t his health matter? Sorry, I’m just so upset to be honest.

OP posts:
ChipsyChopsy · 12/04/2020 19:57

Just go on a different route.

onanothertrain · 12/04/2020 19:58

Complete overreaction.

Cherrysoup · 12/04/2020 20:02

Go a different way. And please consider the dog, at 15 my extremely lively dog suffered afterwards if the walk was too long. Don't know where you are, but by midday, it was way too hot for my dogs today.

Lincolnfield · 12/04/2020 20:03

@ChipsyChopsy - that’s what we’re going to do but it will mean my old dog having to walk quite a way further because there’s no other way to get home. I’ve racked my brains trying to figure out an alternative but either way we go to avoid the hill will take us further. It’s okay for us and our younger dogs but my old dog loves his walk so much even though he’s slow and looks a bit like a rocking horse. I know he hasn’t got too long left so don’t want to have to start leaving him at home, wondering what he’s done wrong, just because of these people who have commandeered the footpath.

OP posts:
Wattagoose90 · 12/04/2020 20:09

If you speak to strangers in a confrontational manner, the likelihood is they'll respond in a confrontational or defensive way too, whether they're right or wrong.

I wouldn't do anything differently, if you see them again tomorrow, I'd just say "sorry for yelling across yesterday. It's just a bit difficult you see, would you mind moving the cars a bit further up, the dogs getting on a bit now and it'll make it a lot easier for us to pass".

Bridecilla · 12/04/2020 20:14

Go an hour later?

shamelesschocaholic · 12/04/2020 20:16

I appreciate that you have had to cross the road, but if these people are from the same household and are walking to visit an elderly relative that lives alone then I think you should have a bit of compassion for them. We went to my parents yesterday and stood on the drive whilst they talked from their upstairs window. My children are missing their grandparents and they are lonely and missing their grandchildren. A bit of compassion goes a long way.

Sennetti · 12/04/2020 20:17

i thought all over 70's were told to stay home?

Howgreenwasmyvalley · 12/04/2020 20:22

Sennetti. No, where did you get that from. I'm over 70 and I go shopping once a week. I see loads of older couples walking for their daily exercise.

Lincolnfield · 12/04/2020 20:24

@Cherrysoup - I totally understand your comment re my dog. Most of the walk we do is shaded under the trees and there was a nice breeze today as well. We’re getting to that dilemma stage of what is best for him but he is so desperate to come. He’s the one who stands barking as soon as it gets to 11.30 because his internal clock is set for his walk. I spoke to our vet about him who has basically said it would cause him more distress if we tried to leave him or for one of us to just go a short way with him and then turn back while the other one carries on with our younger dogs.

@Wattagoose90 I do understand what you’re saying and I might be misjudging these people but they seriously don’t seem to be the kind of people you could reason with. It’s not only their cars that are a problem it’s the fact that there are usually four or five of them all together across the footpath and even when they’ve been watching us coming down the hill they make no attempt to move or clear a path at all. There’s an entrance to a sports field just above their relative’s house so they could easily just walk up a few yards and move into that entrance until we, or anyone else for that matter, have gone safely past but they clearly have no intention of moving.

OP posts:
Lincolnfield · 12/04/2020 20:36

@shamelesschocaholic - I don’t even think they’re from the same household because they come in two cars and there aren’t any children with them. The youngest girl looks about seventeen or so and one of the lads who looks a similar age was laid across the car bonnet of one of the cars today scratching and yawning.

@Sennetti no that’s not right, over 70s are able to take exercise just like everyone else unless there is a health reason why they shouldn’t go out. Prior to the lockdown, my husband would have been out on the moors at least three days every week working our younger dogs. He is a retired police officer and trained marksman so shooting is his hobby. Once he’s sorted himself out with his toilet visits in the morning he’s basically very fit and well. I’m ten years younger and he puts me to shame.

OP posts:
Summersun77 · 12/04/2020 20:39

You’re being unreasonable, just walk another route? Total overreaction.

Lincolnfield · 12/04/2020 20:44

@shamelesschocaholic sorry to come back to you again but you said you stood on the drive and took your children. That’s absolutely fine and very different from a group of adults out on the footpath. I’m sure they could go through their relative’s gate and still maintain their distance from that person but they’ve just taken over the footpath.

We’re missing our five grandkids as well but we’re Skyping and zooming to keep in touch and we speak to them nearly every day. We don’t want them to visit because our sons would need to drive them over and we don’t want them making unnecessary journeys.

OP posts:
Griselda1 · 12/04/2020 20:46

People are feeling tense and perhaps their visits are important to the old person.I'd be careful about being so confrontational with a stranger in especially if she seemed aggressive.

Lincolnfield · 12/04/2020 20:47

@Summersun77 oh crikey! I’ve said over and over again that it’s incredibly difficult to avoid that particular road as it’s literally around the corner from our house.

I take it that you think it’s perfectly okay for a group of four of five people to cluster together out on a footpath effectively blocking it from all other users or maybe the lockdown rules don’t apply equally to everyone?

OP posts:
AntiHop · 12/04/2020 20:51

Yanbu. They are getting in the way.

HavenDilemma · 12/04/2020 20:52

Regardless of lockdown, have you considered a buggy for the older dog, I know some people roll their eyes but they enable older or smaller dogs to enjoy the outdoors without the hard work. You could pop him in it for the walk to a field for instance, let him out then pop him back in for the walk back?

Summersun77 · 12/04/2020 20:55

Yes I do. Yabu

PippaPegg · 12/04/2020 20:57

Get a grip!

Walk the route in the opposite direction so that you are only using the footpath on the side without the cars on Hmm

MereDintofPandiculation · 12/04/2020 20:57

We went to my parents yesterday and stood on the drive whilst they talked from their upstairs window. My children are missing their grandparents and they are lonely and missing their grandchildren.

Many people are in the same position. I doubt whether I will see my father ever again. I haven't seen my son for 4 weeks, and I won't see him for at least another 10 weeks. It's hard on everyone.

HavenDilemma · 12/04/2020 20:58

@Summersun77 No it's you that is BU! Clearly trying to goad OP.