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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not doing our children any harm to experience not being able to eat exactly what they want/have what they want?

56 replies

SoapIsYourFriend · 12/04/2020 14:31

I'm really interested to see our children accept that actually, no, we can't have xyz. I don't think this aspect is doing them any harm at all (all other things being equal and no immediate emergencies).

OP posts:
YeahWhatevver · 12/04/2020 14:36

We have a (slightly) fussy eater and have really noticed a serious improvement in what she'll eat off the back of this.

Though on reflection i think it's been as much about our willingness to accommodate her fussyness as it has been her being fussy.

OwlBeThere · 12/04/2020 14:39

I agree to an extent. My trouble is my son with ASD who doesn’t give a shit about lockdown rules and wants the very limited foods he’ll eat. Or he will starve himself. But yes I agree that it does most people no harm to have to improvise a bit!

MogeatDog · 12/04/2020 14:42

My kids have never been like this anyway - but I am making an extra effort to make lovely dinners - feeding the soul if you like and quite often daily baking. Dinner time is a time to really look forward to, thankfully I've been lucky to have fairly adventurous eaters.

Original poster
SoapIsYourFriend · 12/04/2020 14:42

My trouble is my son with ASD who doesn’t give a shit about lockdown rules and wants the very limited foods he’ll eat. That must be tough. That's what I meant about all other things being equal really, it must be incredibly challenging for some.

OP posts:
Meruem · 12/04/2020 14:44

I don’t think it’s doing us adults too much harm either! (Disclaimer: barring those with MH issues). I’m locked down with two adult DC and we’re finding a lot of joy in the small things now. So much has become unimportant. I do think that children will also learn some valuable lessons in this time, that will help them in the future.

Haffiana · 12/04/2020 14:46

I have always thought it is a bit of a dickish burden to put on a child, having to constantly choose what they want to eat. Having to constantly have a preference.

I put it in the same category as the children who are burdened with constantly being fed snacks 'in case they get hungry' whatever and wherever they are, rather than being allowed to experience hunger and waiting for mealtimes, and then being able to enjoy eating because they are hungry rather than they fancy something.

I don't know why it ever started in the first place.

Chucklecheeks01 · 12/04/2020 14:52

I see your point and agree to a certain extent. However my son is autistic and its a nightmare at the best of times getting a balanced site in to him.

If through food isn't safe like a previous posters child he will starve.

Chucklecheeks01 · 12/04/2020 14:52

Diet not site

OwlBeThere · 12/04/2020 14:53

@SoapIsYourFriend thankfully I tend to stock up on the things he’ll eat when I’m shopping so I had stuff built up ready when lockdown started. But it has definitely been interesting trying to get him to understand!

User202004 · 12/04/2020 14:53

I can't say our diet has changed at all, shops have been stocked fine since that initial frenzy?

KickAssAngel · 12/04/2020 14:56

I'm another one whose child has a severely limited diet due to ASD. Luckily she's 16 and understands, but that doesn't mean she'll eat other things. We're ok for now, but I am worried about the food chain and what will be happening in a month or two.
Two of the big supermarkets near us have had workers get sick and die. Getting food is becoming seriously scary. I'm sticking to smaller stores as they have fewer people use them, but it's still so stressful. I do think people took a lot of luxuries for granted, but this swing in the other direction is too far. There's a huge difference between learning some restraint and the 1.5 million who went a day without food.

Siameasy · 12/04/2020 15:01

I agree. My DD has got used to it. We have been doing the snack box thing. Here are your snacks for the day. When they’re gone they’re gone. She’s been quite cute and making her sweets last all day

Subeccoo · 12/04/2020 15:20

Dh always panders to his dd who is 16, making alternative meals when we're all having the same thing (6 people in house, 2 dcs each). Since I've been in charge of the cooking (I'm furloughed, he's still working) it's the same for everyone. And guess what, she's eating it all!
This is a great step forward in our house, we will not be returning to how things were before.

majesticallyawkward · 12/04/2020 15:25

My dd (4) is finally eating what I cook with almost no bribery encouragement rather than asking for turkey unicorns and other crap. This might be the silver lining to the lockdown!

Yesterday she helped make them eat homemade flat breads and veggies with hummus and pesto dips, and today ate her way through a roast dinner... neither of those would have been touched a month ago.

She also has a snack list, she gets £1 a day and can use that to buy snacks, the healthier the cheaper and when it's gone it's gone. She loves it and works out what she can have in the morning.

bathorshower · 12/04/2020 15:31

The flip side of this is that good food really helps morale - when I was working in a confined environment the food was excellent, and that made meals something to look forward to when we were otherwise pretty restricted.

Tesco being out of the only vegetable DD will eat yesterday wasn't a high point - ironically, we've had no problem getting hold of it until now. So that's a few days without veg (not life threatening, but not ideal) - I see pp's are in a similar boat.

Chiyo666 · 12/04/2020 15:34

Oh I’ve never once asked my kids what they want to eat! Should I be?

Devlesko · 12/04/2020 15:37

Mine were raised like this anyway, to value family over money and capitalism.
However, she sees her peers complaining and being difficult for the parents who have made a rod for their own backs.
I think many give into their kids out of guilt for not being with them more, or ill placed judgement that it makes you a better parent to give them everything.
It's a shame and ruins their future life as they are never satisfied with what they have, unhappy and looking for the next thing to buy. Sad

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2020 15:37

Oh I’ve never once asked my kids what they want to eat! Should I be?

No, you should be doing what suits you and yours, just as others do with theirs.

OP, I'm starting to appreciate everything a lot more, especially the fact I live(d) a 3 minute walk from 3 shops and two takeaways. They've all closed and I now have a fairly long walk just to grab bread and milk.

ZzzMarchhare · 12/04/2020 15:42

Mine have definitely had a lesson in being bored! They have always loved crafting but the boredom has really helped their creativity and that is a good thing. Being home with a working parent is very different to their normal lives, school, childcare, swimming, activities. Some down time but we would never have a week off without trips to the park, cinema, meet friends, museums etc

planningaheadtoday · 12/04/2020 15:42

At the moment my four teenagers are eating what they are given.

I'll provide a good lunch, dinner and snacks. No extra food to help themselves to. I just have enough for the week.

They eat well, but usually will get through 6 pints of milk a day!! Milk is now rationed as I can't get it easily.

They are all clearing their plates. I've not had food left since lockdown. It works well. I'm hoping to keep this going.

Treaclepie19 · 12/04/2020 16:14

I think its making me realise it doesn't hurt if he doesn't eat it. He still is refusing foods that aren't safe but as its mainly the main meal of the day I'm just trying to keep up nuts, fruit, cereal, and hoping he will eventually try things. He has realised quickly there is no option to pre-empt dinner time by asking for something he fancies.

Poppi89 · 12/04/2020 16:15

Foodwise not so much yet as I have always been quite frugal with meal planning and cooking low cost meals that will be eaten.

But definitely with buying little bits and bobs on my way around the shops, or mum please can I have this thing off amazon it's only £5 and I used to think yes ok it can be your treat but because we can't do that I've noticed how much I am saving and how much she appreciates what she has got already and learning how to wait for things if she really wants them.

user1494182820 · 12/04/2020 16:49

🤷‍♂️ Kinda depends if you always give them exactly what they want at the expense of other family members in the first place. Nothing much has changed in this house.

SnugglySnerd · 12/04/2020 16:56

Mine haven't had much choice anyway beyond "apple or banana?" I think it's done us all good to experiment a bit more though, luckily ours are good eaters anyway but even so they have tried more foods and helped to cook more than usual.

They are definitely using their imaginations more too to keep busy. Dd1 has been building obstacle courses in the garden and today their slide was a pirate ship and they took it in turns to be look out and them to walk the plank!

nedtherobbot · 12/04/2020 17:35

It depends entirely on the child. For my dd she has always had to accept we won't always eat her favourite. For her 'don't like it' means this not an actual dislike. She's always eaten a wide range and likes most things that she tries. Ds on the other hand we were just relieved when he ate anything. He had been much better with his food but with all the sudden change his gone back to a few limited safe foods. We've actually been inundated with the food he will eat as lots of people have picked up things for him when shopping.