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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was malicious?

70 replies

TrixieMixie · 11/04/2020 18:18

I do a bit of broadcasting for my work. Yesterday I received an email from a viewer, who has occasionally contacted me in the past, when he has always been perfectly polite. I don’t know him, never met him, he just sends the odd email, always about programmes.
In his email he said that judging from ‘my appearance’ on a programme it had led him to wonder whether I had cancer and he advised me to go for a check up. He is not a doctor. There was no obvious animosity in the tone of the email but obviously this was very upsetting. I was utterly shocked to receive something like that totally out of the blue. I don’t look unhealthy, I have not had cancer in the past and I have had recent breast and cervix checks. But even if I did look ill, why on earth would someone send this? AIBU to think it must be sheer malice? I have blocked him. Just trying to make sense of it.

OP posts:

CSIblonde · 11/04/2020 21:51

He's maybe proj cting his health anxieties onto you. Unless hes a Dr or he was specific re a mole or odd eye etc he's just guessing IMO. Are you wearing less makeup than normal in lockdown & therefore paler? I have v dark under eye circles & look like death warmed up without concealer.

SharonasCorona · 11/04/2020 21:58

Sounds malicious to me, OP. I’m glad you blocked him.

SeaLettuce · 11/04/2020 22:02

If he’s contacted you multiple times before it sounds to me as if he’s some kind of mildly weird fan who thinks he’s got some kind of special relationship with you in his head, and thinks this is appropriate?

I’d ignore.

NotTerfNorCis · 11/04/2020 22:05

I have an ambitious colleague who ever so often asks me if I'm tired or ill, because I apparently look it. On the surface it sounds like concern, but I have my suspicions that he's subtly undermining me - especially if he's saying the same thing about me to our boss.

TooGood2BeTrue · 11/04/2020 22:24

He sounds like a troll.

JovialNickname · 11/04/2020 23:51

I think it depends how specific he was as to whether you should take it seriously. If he just said "you're I'll, I can see it" he's pretending he's Dr House for attention and I'd ignore. However if he was more specific e.g. from the excessive pigmentation in your eyes I'm worried you have X, then in that case I'd at least get it checked out... I mean what harm could it do x

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/04/2020 00:15

I think forbyour own sake you need to ask him for more info. He sounds like hes trying to help

macdhui · 12/04/2020 00:21

Something similar occurred in Australia last year with a viewer contacting a journalist as she spotted a goitre. I’m pretty sure it turned out to be benign but journalist was grateful.

CollaborativeBee · 12/04/2020 00:56

If he'd had ''more information'' he would have provided it.

unless he wants you to write back and beg him to inform you of his diagnosis! ''diagnosis''

CollaborativeBee · 12/04/2020 00:58

@NotTerfNorCis I agree with your take. I've had this said to me at work and it's a bit of a stealth shot. It's telling somebody that they look the opposite of rested, healthy, vital, energetic...

Shrubbish · 12/04/2020 01:22

I would ask him what it was that made him think that, but try not to worry OP. If you're concerned about anything you can still see a doctor.

Harakeke · 12/04/2020 04:29

How can he genuinely be trying to help when he's given her no specifics to follow up? What should she do, go to the doctor and say "someone who's seen me on TV thinks I have cancer but hasn't narrowed it down to why."

Leave him blocked, try and put it out of your mind.

justilou1 · 12/04/2020 04:47

It must be odd to be so closely scrutinised by strangers. You’ve just realised some strangers are more strange than others. It may be a nasty way of saying that he thought you looked like crap, or maybe he was genuinely concerned about your health. Either way, I don’t think you should invest too much time worrying about a weirdo’s motivation for commenting on your appearance. He’s obviously the kind of bloke that thinks women should be grateful for his opinions. Blech!!! I wouldn’t grace him with a follow up comment to thank him for sharing his unsolicited opinion, or to let him know that his message had been received and that you are quite well. Just let it go straight to junk mail and leave that one unanswered. Some people don’t need attention. (Don’t feed the animals.)

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 12/04/2020 05:16

I’d be asking him where about she thinks the cancer is. Maybe he has seen something that you haven’t.

I work in pharmacy, one day an old man (90’s) came in for his regular medicines, my pharmacist came out to ask the man if he’d seen anyone about his ear. It turned out he had skin cancer, my pharmacist noticed it, the old man had not.

daisychain01 · 12/04/2020 05:39

Ask him for more information, what exactly does he think he has seen, what is his concern. You need specific not vague information

Don't wait until Coronavirus is "over". It is valid for you to contact your GP surgery, but you need to have had the detailed conversation with this bloke so you don't waste anyone's time.

fallfallfall · 12/04/2020 05:54

DON’T CONTACT! Creepy as fuck. Next e-mail contact the police.

TreeTopTim · 12/04/2020 05:59

I would have to contact him and ask him to expand on what he said.

spatchcock · 12/04/2020 06:11

Oh god don’t contact him - if he had any useful info he would have told you specifics. What a creep.

Henrysmycat · 12/04/2020 06:11

I “spotted” my friend’s brain tumor via a photo. Her eye reflection looks strange. I told her. We were joking she was possessed on one eye. I thought she had some eye condition. She booked to have her eyes checked. The optician sent straight to the hospital. It was brain tumour and it was pushing the optical nerve and eye, the optician could see it straight away.

SeaLettuce · 12/04/2020 08:18

Agreed. It's clearly an attempt to get her to make contact back by frightening her in a calculatedly non-specific way. Anyone who genuinely had her best interests at heart and didn't have an ulterior motive would say 'Look, I know this will come across as strange and intrusive, but I happen to know about condition X because of reasons y, and I thought when I saw you on TV recently that you looked as though you had symptom Z. I don't want to alarm you unnecessarily, and I could of course be wrong, but I wanted to let you know so that you could bring it up with your GP if you felt so inclined.'

No non-creep emails a total stranger and says they wonder if they have cancer and to go and have a check-up.

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