In feeling upset about Ex's lack of contact?

[jojobar]

I split up with partner of 6 years this week after he laid hands on me by in an argument. He walked out back to his own home and I've heard nothing from him since.

I know we are over. I've forgiven lots of things in the past including infidelity but I can't get past this, nor should I.

But I thought he might feel some guilt, some sadness, make at least an attempt to reach out. He's done nothing. No contact whatsoever. I don't think he realises he's done anything wrong, nor that he will make any contact.

I wouldn't take him back. It wouldn't change my mind. But I'm so sad and hurt...and thinking he valued what we had so little, that just makes it worse.

Many years ago I had an Ex who was physical with me a couple of times...he was very upset after both times and promised to change. We then split up at my instigation, and he was distraught. It didn't change my mind at all but it did make it less bad somehow, like at least he knew what a dick he'd been and what he lost.

AIBU to think my recent Ex should at least have been in touch by now?

You thought he would beg you back that’s why, but he didn’t.

For your own sanity you need to let this go. Block and ignore him even if he calls. Someone who gets physical and is unfaithful doesn't love you. That's all there is to it.

No, I was disappointed he'd not contacted me. By day 3 or 4 I felt he was pretty unlikely to.

Apologising wasn't going to mean we'd get back together. But having contacted me, because he said he wanted our relationship to continue, refusing to apologise or acknowledge he was wrong, it made it clear that nothing would change, and if he couldn't see it was wrong, how would he or I guarantee it wouldn't happen again?

That's not right. I neither expected nor wanted him to beg. I know the sort of person he is. I didn't think I'd actually hear from him at all once several days had passed. When I decided to ask for an apology I thought, hoped, he might at least consider it, not dismiss it out of hand. That confirmed it for me.

What exactly do you mean your recollection of events was not entirely accurate? You don't forget after a couple of days. Either he assaulted you or he didn't. You said he laid hands on you during an argument. That is assault. Are you now saying he didn't do that?

It was late at night, and I was tired. When It thought back to it a day or 2 later I remembered him putting his hands just below my shoulders and pushing me, not hard, no real force and it didn't hurt me, but I did step back.

When I spoke to him, I asked him about it and he said that he had put his hands there but had just poked me rather than pushed me. And when I thought about it I realised that was more accurate. And that me stepping back was me moving, rather than him pushing me.

So I don't think it was assault. But I do think it crossed a line and he should apologise and acknowledge it was wrong.
However he doesn't consider it assault (he regailed me at length about how it wasn't assault and even if it was I was as bad because of how I spoke to him), he doesn't think it was wrong nor that he should apologize. He thinks we are both equally to blame and should compromise on that basis.

I don't feel this is a compromising matter. So whilst I love(d) him, I can't be in a relationship with him.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He has clearly waited a week thinking you will get in touch with him and then tried to manipulate you into believing yourself equally responsible. Take this opportunity to invest time in yourself.

You need to block him . I expect far more games.

He was unfaithful / shoved you , regardless of interpretation he scared you.

Whilst he is blocked you won’t move on.

I definitely do not condone violence but I think if he did contact you, you would post a thread about how he has been contacting you and that he was annoying. 🤷🏾‍♀️
He's probably embarrassed he hurt you

When I decided to ask for an apology

So you contacted him?

Why??

No, he contacted me. I meant that when I was speaking to him (after he contacted me) I decided to ask for an apology.

Obviously he wasnt willing to provide one. Well actually he said he could say sorry but he wouldn't mean it.

I think the very last thing he is is embarrassed.

What did he contact you for?

He wanted to discuss the issues we'd originally been arguing about. As far as he was concerned we hadn't split up, he'd just removed himself from my home for the time being, and gone back to his house to let things 'cool down'.