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to expect my friend's children to day 'please' and 'thankyou?'

29 replies

andlipsticktoo · 13/09/2007 11:32

In order to not feel like a slave, I have always thought it important that my children say 'please' and 'thankyou', not only to me but to others. Obviously I would be lying if I said they did this 100% of the time without prompting, but the intension is there. My friend, who is great fun and I get onl very well with, has 3 children and none of them ever say please or thankyou, and she never prompts them.

I find it very irritating and now prompt them myself. Is that unreasonable??

OP posts:

MerlinsBeard · 13/09/2007 11:34

YABU its not up to you to teach your friends children about manners.

yes it would be nice but not up to you


handlemecarefully · 13/09/2007 11:36

Unless they are actively rude I would let it go (although I do prefer that children are taught please and thankyou)


OrmIrian · 13/09/2007 11:38

YANBU to expect it but there's bugger all you can do about it. But I sympathise - I really hate rudeness in children. It's so simple to say those things - just a small acknowledgment of something being done for them or given to them.


chloesmumtoo · 13/09/2007 11:41

Although I like my children to be well behaved and which they are, I have to admit I do not prompt them constantly over please and thankyou at home. I have a friend that does. I disagree alot with certain aspects of her parenting and yet she is very strict on this. Its lovely to hear a polite child I admit. I definately tell my own to say thankyou to things they recieve off grandparents relatives ect and they are very well behaved in school but I am relaxed at home and perhaps dont see the need because I am happy with their behaviour. I think each to their own but I would find it annoying if someone else prompted my children when or if I didnt think it was totally necessary. But well done you, I think nice children are rare these days!


HonoriaGlossop · 13/09/2007 11:43

How old are the kids?

With ds I did occasionally prompt him, but not THAT much. I just said it myself and he has learnt from that. No training required, really.

Does your friend say please and thankyou herself? They will be picking that up eventually. Do not despair!


kerala · 13/09/2007 11:46

Also kinder to the children to drum it into them as they will be looked on more favourably by other adults.


VladimireIlychUlyanovPan · 13/09/2007 11:48

No, you probably shouldn't try to parent someone else's children. I do try with my dd (7), but it takes quite a bit of consistency.

Honoria. Are you a Glossoper? Have I asked you this before?


HonoriaGlossop · 13/09/2007 11:50

You may have asked me that before, can't remember My mind is so taken up with moulding that great fathead fiance of mine, Bertie Wooster, that I get so little time to remember other things


VladimireIlychUlyanovPan · 13/09/2007 11:52

That's cleared that up then.......


2shoes · 13/09/2007 12:42

yanbu I just would say "and?"


lailasmum · 13/09/2007 13:00

I think if they seem grateful and are pleasant children then let it slip but always say it in front of them. My daughter is odd on this one, some days she will say it with out prompting in a totally consistent way, some days not and I have to prompt her. I remember my friend prompting my daughter once when she forgot but she did it in such a rude & sarcastic way it was actually a horrible situation.


andlipsticktoo · 13/09/2007 13:03

The oldest 2 of hers are 9 and 5 and it's more the way they say "i wanna drink" then "I wanna drink now", then,"stop talking and get me a drink!"
I do mostly let it go but have just started saying, "sorry, x, I was having a conversation with your mother, did you say 'can I have a drink please?'"

It is usually followed with, "I didn't want apple juice, I wanted orange."

Don't get the impression that mine are angels, but I do wish my friend would say something!

OP posts:

Pan · 13/09/2007 13:03

dd prompted me once. My part of the board game fell on the floor near her. I asked "XXX pick that up will you?" She replied..

"and what's the magic word?" !!!!

I said "Now"


FluffyMummy123 · 13/09/2007 13:03

Message withdrawn


LoveAngel · 13/09/2007 13:05

YANBU. If other people's children don't say 'please/thank you' in my house or when I am giving them something, I prompt them.


LilRedWG · 13/09/2007 13:05

I think you just have to grin and bear the lack of pleases and thank yous, but not put up with such rudeness. Don't know how best to deal with it though. Maybe make a point of getting the drink for whoever says please first.


LilRedWG · 13/09/2007 13:07

Actually, I do do the same as LoveAngel and prompt for a please or thank you. DH's Goddaughter just looks at you blankly, so we give her what she's asked for, but always say pardon a couple of times first. Her parents will occassionally pick up on this (not very often though ) and tell her to mind her manners


andlipsticktoo · 13/09/2007 13:08

like your methods 2shoes and icod!

OP posts:

Chattyhan · 13/09/2007 13:09

I think it is fair to prompt them if they are at your house. Or with your DC. I find when DS says it it often prompts other DC. I'm a p/t nanny and i will prompt DC out of habit. If friends DC are at my house and i get them eg. a drink, i expect them to thank me and will prompt them if they don't. However, if someone else had got them the drink i wouldn't prompt anyone but my DC.

I agree that it's an important lesson to learn


lailasmum · 13/09/2007 13:12

I definitely think its rudeness that is more of an issue, if they asked 'can I have', or 'may I have' in a polite way and just forget the please then its not a major crime in my mind as they are thinking that they need to ask, its demands like I want this or that,and just expecting people to jump and do it for them that is unpleasant.


HonoriaGlossop · 13/09/2007 13:13

blimey andlipstick, that is incredibly rude, specially from a NINE year old!

YANBU to correct them. How rude they are!


shreddies · 13/09/2007 13:25

Tell them. I remember an adult telling my brother and I to say thank you when we were children and I was so mortified that I never forgot again. It's not fair on the children if adults think they're brats just because their mum hasn't told them.


Anna8888 · 13/09/2007 13:25

I prompt other people's children to say please, thank you, sorry etc when they are in my care. Just as I prompt them to wash their hands when they come in from outside and before and after meals, to go to the loo etc.


OrmIrian · 13/09/2007 13:27

"I wanna drink" would be followed by a complete lack of response in this house, and if repeated would result in a brief lecture. Don't care whose child it was.


RGPargy · 13/09/2007 14:48

YANBU!! Manners cost nothing and my DS was ALWAYS taught to say please and thank you and i expect the same from other DCs too, whether it's nieces/nephews or friends of my DS.

I do what icod does and dont let go of summat til i hear thank you!

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