To not give my mum my address?

[Tsubasa1]

My mother is driving me to the end of my tether. Ever since before the lockdown started she has been asking me for my address to send me god knows what... stuff for the kids, eastsr eggs and books are things she has mentioned. I fear she is just using it as an excuse to go to the post office (to get out of the house). She says its safe because people keep their distance there.
In my opinion its taking an unecessary risk because i dont need those things right now and id preffer if she sent me then after this whole thing is over.
I live abroad and we are in lockdown. But people here dont understand social distancing that well and whoever brings us the package might come close to us within 2 metres or less.
On a side note: my mum is 64 and she has kept volunteering at the food bank because apparently there aren't enough volunteers. This is putting her at great risk but she doesn't care one bit.
YABU: Give her your address!!
YANBU: Dont give her your address until after lockdown.

@CheshireDing a pretend stuffed cat 🤣🤣

Your actions are incredibly cruel. Just knowing where you are would give your mum a sense of peace, by not telling her you are saying you don’t care & don’t really want her in your life!
The post office excuse is pathetic to be honest. I feel very sorry for your poor mother!

YABU. I would be incredibly hurt if my grown up kids did not want to give me their address, especially during lock down I would feel worried not knowing where they were. I think she is anxious too, as a PP has said. She is asking for your address to send you stuff as some sort of coping strategy.

I understand where you are coming from OP and I wouldn't give her the address either - however, I would find other ways to stay connected, like regular facetime/zoom chats every couple of days and sharing things via Facebook. But maybe you are already doing that?

My daughter lives in America, I haven't got her address, I know whereabouts she lives but not the exact address.
We speak every day on FaceTime but haven't got her address as have no need for it.

Fair enough OP. Thanks

How can you have no need for parents/childrens' addresses?

I find that weird.

And won't it comfort your mum to be able to send something to her family? Our PO is operating safe social distancing so I doubt there's any risk to her. And you can leave parcels a couple of days before opening.

I find it quite sad you didn't tell your mum your address the second you moved. It sounds like she is desperate to reconnect with you. Can you tell her you will tell her but she must promise not to send anything? She might want to know you're safe.

Or maybe she can just send a card in normal postbox?

Why are people so surprised that different countries have different approaches to addressing houses? Try japan- you need a map to find houses, there's no street names/numbers, the postal service have to know which family lives in which building!

I was surprised that someone could buy a house and move in and not the address of it. Completely different imo

*not know

It’s really not that unusual for the OP’s mother not to have her address in these circumstances.

My sister lives in South America and whilst we know where she is, no one has her address. Why would we need it, it’s not like any of us can drop round for a visit.

Having her contact number is much more important. Her address is useless to all of us.

Don't people send cards anymore?

Initially I didnt know my address because its not written on the deed of the house and where i live (Turkey) the names of the streets arent signposted. I only managed to find my address later on on my water bill. Weird!

You are correct that is so weird. Had 4 weeks in Turkey last year and managed to find all the accommodation we had booked really easily.

Don't people send cards anymore?

The mail service in South America isn’t great and when we sent cards/items previously, they just either never arrived or showed up months later. So when my sister moved, no one even asked for her address as it is not like anyone used it.

Collating addresses is a bit old fashioned. People are contactable instantly now on their phones and social media. I would even say that giving/sending cards is now becoming a bit dated.

@ThusSpoke @KrakowDawn exactly thank you!
@FiveShelties you probably spent time in a more urban/modern area of Turkey then, good to hear!

@ThusSpoke @Nanny0gg yes cards are a bit outdated, although cards are lovely to send and receive, they are a non-essential thing at this particular time in my opinion!

@Babs1937 exactly like our situation @Pumpkinpie1 @Kastanien its not done to hurt her in any way @StatementKnickers we message every day and videocall every other day so it's not like we have a bad relationship.

Collating addresses is a bit old fashioned. People are contactable instantly now on their phones and social media.

But if something happened to one of the parties, it could be harder to get hold of the others.
I still think it's odd not to know.

But how must your mum feel that her child won’t give her their address? Regardless of the validity of your reasoning as to why, that has to feel really hurtful.

She is an adult. If post offices are open she’s presumably entitled to use them. If receiving the parcel would put you at risk tell her this and ask her only to send you things for now that fit in your letterbox.

I lived all abroad for many years, living in 11 different houses in 6 different houses. My family didn’t always have my address. I never thought to offer and they mainly didn’t ask.

In some countries, personal mail - or at least parcels - were always opened as they arrived in the country before they were delivered to me. In others I’d have been charged for receiving parcels from ‘home’. It was really rare to get something through the mail from family, as it was often a hassle, likely to go missing or just plain expensive. On the other hand, with calling cards and later on, using Skype, was cheap (or free) and reliable.

It’s not like the OP is estranged from her mum, for God’s sake, they clearly talk.

YANBU, OP. Except that YABU to ask on here, because people who haven’t lived in a developing country don’t understand the issues.

Ever since before the lockdown started she has been asking me for my address to send me god knows what... stuff for the kids, eastsr eggs and books are things she has mentioned.

So you didn't "forget" she asked before the lockdown to "send you god knows what", you sound quite awful!

DGM wants to send DGC Easter eggs, what an awful person DGD must be!