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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are teachers supposed to support children who are having a difficult time at home?

38 replies

Lockdown2020 · 10/04/2020 19:21

I’m sorry for being naive, but I want to understand what kind of support class teachers give to primary school children who are dealing with palliative care of a grandparent.

2 weeks ago I emailed our school head and told her that we weren’t completing school work as my dad is under palliative care, and due to Coronavirus he is not being admitted to a hospice. I spend all afternoon and evenings looking after my dad.

My year 1 child’s teacher replied 2 days later and gave a really lovely reply and support saying not to worry. My year 3 child’s teacher hasn’t replied at all.

OP posts:

HoneysuckIejasmine · 10/04/2020 19:23

What do you want them to do? I'm sorry about your Dad.

Purpletigers · 10/04/2020 19:24

Sorry about your father . Perhaps the teacher is unwell ?

Original poster

Lockdown2020 · 10/04/2020 19:25

At least send an email to acknowledge we’re having a hard time. I’m sure they would have said something if we were attending school and kept an eye on the children to make sure they’re not sad/affected. I feel like our year 3 teacher just doesn’t really care.

OP posts:

TeenPlusTwenties · 10/04/2020 19:25

I think if they were at school they would give them time to talk to someone.
As they aren't in school, we are in the middle of a pandemic, and it is now school holidays, and it is a grandparent not a parent, I wouldn't think they are 'supposed' to do anything, and anything they do do is above the call of duty.

noblegiraffe · 10/04/2020 19:25

There is no official guidance about what to do in this situation. It was lovely of the Y1 teacher to email but there is no obligation for the Y3 teacher to do the same.

Original poster

Lockdown2020 · 10/04/2020 19:26

She’s not unwell, because she’s writing twitter messages asking us to post on the class dashboard about the fun things we’re doing. Unfortunately my children haven’t experienced any “fun” during this lockdown. We’re having a really shit time.

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 10/04/2020 19:26

maybe the year 3 teacher is sick? I'm not sure it is a teachers job to support your children at home through this - if they where at school and seeing staff daily I am sure they would be able to help but what do you want them to do

Ikeatears · 10/04/2020 19:27

I think the op would just like an acknowledgement. Just like the y1 teacher. It's hard enough at the moment without having to worry about schoolwork.
Be kind to yourself, op, don't worry about getting through the work, your little ones will catch up like many, many children will have to do.
Perhaps the y3 teacher hasn't seen the email or is having family issues themselves. I would take the reply for your y1 child and apply it to your older dc.
I am in a similar position with a parent (although I'm not caring for them) My deepest sympathies

Original poster

Lockdown2020 · 10/04/2020 19:27

So I shouldn’t expect a friendly email at all? Thanks, that’s all I wanted to know. Guess I should be glad our lovely year 1 teacher acknowledged us.

OP posts:

Pinkblueberry · 10/04/2020 19:28

We have a family support worker to help families who are struggling - but in many circumstances the class teacher will be in touch too. Teachers are people too though - the year 1 teacher might have more time available while the year 3 teacher, like you, might be looking after a vulnerable family member. It’s a crazy time for everyone.

Grasspigeons · 10/04/2020 19:28

duletty · 10/04/2020 19:29

If your child is not cin/ehcp/then I’m afraid those children will come first. I’m very sorry that you are going through this and I’m sure your little ones are finding it hard being away from friends. Best wishes

fodderbeet · 10/04/2020 19:33

You emailed the head and one of the relevant teachers replied (maybe she/he was tasked to reply? and the other one was just informed?). Try to take comfort in this - they know your situation and replied to your email to reassure you. With the best will in the world, further emails are not going to help you and your family in these trying times. I'm sure that your children will be catching moments of 'fun' playing together, watching tv etc. Wishing you all the very best.

Original poster

Lockdown2020 · 10/04/2020 19:33

Thank you for all your kind comments.

I’m not expecting anything more than a little message. My secondary school child is being phoned every week and emailed by teachers whenever she needs help. I just feel a difference in how our primary school has handled this. I don’t want any time taken away from children with “real” problems. But my dad is dying, my children can’t visit their grandfather and I’m in self isolation and not even going into work (I’m a key worker) so I can care for him. I haven’t seen my children properly in weeks. Maybe I’m feeling down. Thank you everyone.

OP posts:

TillyFloss10 · 10/04/2020 19:39

I may be possible that the two teachers have spoken to each other and one has mentioned that they have already replied to you so then there is no need for the other one to reply.
I work as support in a secondary school so we need to phone home for vulnerable students once a week and if the pupil has siblings we ring once and check up on both students. The siblings may not necessarily be students we support but it saves a parent getting 2 phone calls.

meonekton · 10/04/2020 19:45

It could be any reason for her not responding. She maybe ill herself, or her family is unwell, etc.
I know when it comes to your child, you would expect nice reply from the teacher, but this is not normal circumstances, for everyone.

Aragog · 10/04/2020 19:47

A reply from the teacher would be nice obviously. I assume you know the teacher's normal respond to things and if this is out of the ordinary for her/him.

But there may be many reasons why they haven't replied too.

May be ill, have an ill family member themselves, or be going through a difficult time themselves.
Twitter posts don't mean they're not ill. It may be one person posting on behalf of the school (ours is, I do it for all staff) or be scheduled posts. Or simply well enough to post a quick 'don't have to think too hard' post.
May not respond as don't want to add to your things to do - reading and replying to extra messages. Some people aren't great of knowing what to say or do.

Or she just might have not received the email from the head, missed the email, read it and planned to respond later but forgot... She may have thought it was for information only rather than to respond to.

Or she might just have ignored it.

I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. I do emphasise. As a family we have just gone through something very similar and it is incredibly hard. It's heart breaking not being able to visit in the same ways, etc. A hard situation that's made even worse in these times.

Imok · 10/04/2020 19:47

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time, but as a pp said, it may be that the head teacher asked one teacher to respond and merely informed the other about your situation. Even though she's putting messages on twitter, you don't know what else is going on for her - she may be in work with keyworkers' children, so working at school as usual as well as setting work for home. She may also be dealing with difficult family circumstances. I know that the person at my school whose job is to update our school Twitter account is not only going in to work, she's also got her own children to look after and her FIL died from covid-19 this week. Her dh wasn't allowed to see his dad and as a keyworker himself, hasn't even felt able to take anytime off work to grieve his dad. All of which means it's even harder for them as a family and to be honest, if she was made aware that one of her pupils was in the position of your DC, she might also find it difficult to drop a friendly e-mail. I would say, don't take it personally - these are strange and difficult times for all of us.

Mumof2202022 · 10/04/2020 19:49

There's an awful lot going on at the moment and schools are barely keeping their heads above water during this crisis. They have to safeguard hundreds of children without seeing them on a daily basis. On a normal basis yes they may get some support whilst in school but it may just not be priority right now.

We are a "vulnerable" family and I have daily contact with school including at the weekends. I know we are one of many within our school.

Dinoctoblock · 10/04/2020 19:57

If this was a child in my class I would reply ASAP with a sympathetic message, and probably explain that things would still be posted on the class page but there was no expectation to complete. In the current situation, I would pencil you in for a phone call and/or regular messages to check in. Unfortunately there wouldn’t be much else I could do.

On week one of school closures I was very ill and did miss/fall behind on some messages but fortunately I work with a job share so I knew she would be picking up anything I missed. Maybe the year 3 teacher is unwell. Or maybe she just doesn’t know how to react in this situation. Or maybe, like my own DC’s teacher, who I messaged when I was ill to say they wouldn’t be completing any work that week, she just doesn’t get it. She was sort of sympathetic but basically said DC would manage to do the work anyway. Ummm, no.

I’m so sorry about your dad.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/04/2020 19:59

Op assuming she's read it, it would only take a minute to reply "that signs very difficult, please don't worry about school work" so I don't think yabu expecting an acknowledgment of the email.

I assume their Dad is carrying for them? It might be worth getting him to email asking what work to prioritise after Easter and get him to a couple of hours work in the afternoon when you're not there to give them something to focus on and distract them.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through

Changedusername76 · 10/04/2020 20:00

It would be appropriate for one teacher to respond but under the circumstance they have no doubt spoken and felt that responses from both would be inappropriate at this time, I would take the e mail as being a response from the school as a whole and related to both children

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 10/04/2020 20:21

I know in my school teachers and SLT would have n in contact with you.

SionnachRua · 10/04/2020 20:38

You are turning this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Sure it would be nice for her to reply but it's not essential. As others have said maybe the staff felt that a reply from one teacher was adequate.

It is a tough situation to be in of course and my heart goes out to you.

MasterCat · 10/04/2020 20:46

I'm sorry about your Dad.

These are very difficult times. I have 2 close friends who are teachers, both are near full nervous breakdown at what is being expected of them during lockdown, lesson planning wise, one with 2 young children at home at the same time, one of which is non verbal and has severe SEN. The other is also shopping for elderly parents whilst caring for their toddler who can't presently go to nursery. While also trying to provide online lesson plans and zoom tutorials.

I know they're both being bombarded on a daily basis by emails from both children and parents who are not coping with the homeschooling situation, some of whom are being very unpleasant to them.

I'd let it go. You're having a terrible time, as are so many people right now, including teachers.

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