Are teachers supposed to support children who are having a difficult time at home?

[Lockdown2020]

I’m sorry for being naive, but I want to understand what kind of support class teachers give to primary school children who are dealing with palliative care of a grandparent.

2 weeks ago I emailed our school head and told her that we weren’t completing school work as my dad is under palliative care, and due to Coronavirus he is not being admitted to a hospice. I spend all afternoon and evenings looking after my dad.

My year 1 child’s teacher replied 2 days later and gave a really lovely reply and support saying not to worry. My year 3 child’s teacher hasn’t replied at all.

I'm sorry about your dad, and that you're having a hard time, but you're sounding a bit needy by expecting emails from the teachers. You've no idea what the teachers are going through or how many other parents they are emotionally supporting. You've had a reply from the school, and I think that's as much as can be expected.

Perhaps your email somehow got into her junk folder , or she read it and then forgot to reply ,after all she is human . Sorry about your dad but as the children aren’t actually in school at present I don’t think I’d expect the teacher to do anything . What difference would it really make if the teacher emails you .

I apologise for sounding needy. But when a teacher is obviously asking parents to send in “fun” things they’ve been up to during the lockdown and you see people posting in pictures of the things they’ve been doing and the teacher posting them, it does make you feel shit and wonder how long it would’ve taken her to send a sympathetic message.

I won’t be reading this now, incase I make anymore “needy” comments. Didn’t fucking realise that asking for a little bit of support when my dad is dying makes you sound like that.

Thank you to everyone else who posted kindly.

Sometimes teachers are advised not to respond directly to parents in this way, particularly when it's of such a sensitive nature. Also, it may be that the teacher felt they had all the information they needed and didn't want to upset you/ disturb you further.

I think it's lousy not to send a few lines. The only excuse would be If they didn't get the email. A little bit of kindness goes a long way.
I teach that age group by the way and would like to think I would never be that busy to tap a few kind words to a family.

But you didn’t email her? You emailed the head. If I had that email forwarded onto me I would assume the head had replied on behalf of the school and it was an FYI thing.

I didn't mean to be unkind, OP - although you won't read this, I do think you should try to see things from the teachers point of view, to help you understand the lack if response.

Maybe the Year 3 teacher is in the same position as you.

I worked up til the end of term, sending appropriately chirpy, tactful and hopefully professional emails daily.

What nobody knew is that I was typing them in between bouts of having to lie down on my front and make a concerted effort to get air into my lungs. Kids and parents don't need to hear that a member of staff is ill and the advantage of home working was that they didn't have the same concerns as they did about other members of staff who had looked unwell and then disappeared overnight.

It could be that this teacher is very good at writing posts, but is unable to say the right words as she is ill or is in a very similar position herself, but is continuing to work.

It's shit for you and I am sorry that you are going through this, but you might be feeling upset when they are in no position to say the right things.

The email you sent her may have gone to her spam folder? My husband is a teacher and he's always finding parents' emails in his spam folder days after he's received them- he can't control them going in there, it's the stringent settings IT have placed on staff email to control actual spam. So, it could be that she's not read it...

It's the holidays and some people don't access their work emails during time off. My work (NHS) sent out an email to all staff saying that it was expected that work email was to be accessed during work hours not days off and holidays. If the head hasn't passed on the information then she may be posting on Twitter and not aware of your circumstances and the distress such a post may cause. You're under a great deal of stress, and grief, looking after df and dc. Please contact experienced services that can give trained specialist support. The lack of the teachers response could be down to any number of reasons not necessarily rudeness. Maybe email her directly. Take care.

To be honest, if you emailed the head I would assume they had dealt with and that you would not want three different emails from three different people. I certainly wouldn’t . I have much sympathy for you but if your child was at school
I would look after them because you are not there but as they are with you not me I would not want to impose. Especially if the head had already communicated with you .

Didn’t fucking realise that asking for a little bit of support when my dad is dying makes you sound like that.

It sounds like you’re going through a difficult time OP, and it’s making it hard for you to see that maybe other people are, too.

Imagine how dreadful you’d feel if you slated the teacher for not also sending you an email and then it turned out she had an equally distressing family situation to deal with.