To think this is not really in the spirit of things?

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

So my in-laws who are both in their 80s live about 20 minutes walk from our house. Pre-lockdown we would often get together with them on a Friday evening for a gin and tonic or glass of wine.

Since lockdown we haven't seen them apart from briefly to drop off some shopping et cetera and we have been strict about maintaining social distance.

I know my mother-in-law has found a lockdown down hard as she is very sociable and it took us a few weeks to convince her that she had to take it seriously.

Anyway, this evening my DH and our 15-year-old daughter went off for a walk for their daily exercise, fair enough. At the same time or 18-year-old daughter took yourself out for a run, again fair enough.

About half an hour later the phone rang and it was my mother-in-law. It seems that my husband and daughter had magically just arrived at their house, our other daughter was on her way, and the plan was for them all to stand out in the street and have a drink and a chat. By drink I mean bottle of wine et cetera.

I was invited over to join them. mulled it over and then called back to say that I wouldn't join them, to a somewhat frosty reception, They clearly thought I was being a bit of a killjoy.

However I don't think this is really in the spirit of the lockdown. We live in a very touristy area and there has been a lot of publicity about keeping the tourists away and everybody staying at home. I think that I was all standing out in the street drinking wine and having a laugh is not really the thing to do in this situation. Even if social distance is maintained, it still doesn't sit right with me.

I am now expecting that when they eventually get home I will get stick from DH about being antisocial. However I think I am in the right. AIBU?

Maybe I’m being naive but I’d hope that when countries impose lockdown laws or similar they to do after consulting social science experts rather than just medical experts. The modelling of hospital admissions, need for ventilators, deaths etc hopefully recognises that behaviour will vary across the population. For example 50% may comply completely, 30% partly and 20% not at all. Also life is not black and white, many people will bend laws, interpret guidelines to mean what they want them to mean. That’s just life.

And yes, reckless behaviour and not complying with social distancing is dangerous to others. But so is other behaviour like driving over 70mph on the motorway, but strangely that doesn’t inspire the same level of outraged righteousness in some people.

Ffs, they practiced social distancing and your mil wore gloves to clean everything.

It's totally wrong. You're not allowed to sit in a park, sunbathe or have a picnic so standing in the street having a drink is also not on. People are driving me mad. I get the temptation must be difficult but my family live over 400 miles away I can cope without seeing them for months at a time. Its not the end of the world and the quicker everyone follows the rules the quicker this hell will be over. I can see the sea from my bedroom window - I desperately want to go there but it's too far to walk, so I suck it up and hopefully I'll get to the sea again as we approach the summer. Urgh so fed up with people bending the rules. I have a lot of friends in the NHS - mothers away from their children to try and protect them! This is so serious! Just stay at home!

YANBU. It might not sound like a big deal BU the problem is, if everyone did this, we would be back to square one, wouldnt we?

I'd be really hacked off too, OP.

YANBU

BUT on another thread where a poster was arranging for her DC accidentally on purpose to meet up with granny 2 metres apart to ‘exercise’ in a park, the majority of posters thought it hunky dory

'They practiced social distancing', no they didnt. Social distancing doesnt mean meet your friends and family and drink their wine sitting 2m away. It means don't go out, don't meet people, unless its necessary. Maybe it hasn't increased anyone's chances of getting ill, but the rules are for everyone and there isnt a 'you don't need to follow the rules if you can find a way of flouting them safely' get out clause

Hmm I'm unsure to be honest. Of course it's not actually covered by the government guidelines - at the same time I don't see how it's putting people at risk if they keep a distance?

Let's remember this lockdown is really bloody hard. It's so hard not seeing our family and friends. We've effectively been imprisoned indefinitely and have nothing to look forward to except higher taxes to pay for all this. At least prisoners get an end date.

My friend came over Monday (my birthday - and before people moan I didn't know she was coming until she turned up). 10min drive from mine to hers which isn't that bad. She brought a bad with birthday presents and books to lend. She put the bag on the floor. I wiped it then picked it up. And we had a lovely chat keeping about 5m distance. It was much nicer seeing her face to face. Even if it was only for 10mins. I've no doubt some curtain twixhers would say it's against the rules. My question 2ould be - were following the rules to try and flatten the curve not just to obey the PM, and who were me and my friend (or your family) hurting?

Yanbu for not wanting to go though, your choice.

@Madein1995 I totally agree. But we are in a minority

I agree too so the minority is growing.

I don't think I'd be too happy with DH to be honest. Coincidence my arse, and then you end up on the back foot as if you're doing something home when he hadn't even talked it over with you? No.

Well having gone over to see them, shared air droplets after gasping from a run, and used other glasses etc, perhaps they should stay for 14 days to ensure they are asymptomatic before coming back into your safe, carefully protected environment.

*something wrong

OP, I am 100% with you on this. YANBU

WakeAndBake your reply is why the lockdown will continue for much longer than planned. What part of over 1000 people dying in a single day suggests that the NHS is coping with the growing numbers of people presenting with serious cases of covid19? This isn't the flu, this virus is KILLING people and doing so quickly and without prejudice. Let us all contribute to saving lives and Please stay at home.

I would suggest that the numbers dying don't reflect that the NHS is unable to cope but that it is not medically possible to save those people. The hospitals are not full - my next door neighbour, an icu consultant has told me today that our local hospital has space in icu, many people are simply too unwell to benefit from being ventilated. His greater concern, and that of his gp wife, is that people are dying of other things because they are not coming to hospital / gp due to fear of covid-19.

Our hospitals have plenty of room for covid patients, with all the clinics and surgeries being cancelled, my friends in the NHS are more worried about existing patients with worsening health. At the GP surgery the phones are silent, one afternoon they took 8 calls, now with 12000 patients that is a big concern. No-one wants to worry the nhs with their own health problems.

I'd be mad as hell that my husband got together with our children to cook this up, thinking that if they presented me with it all done, I'd simply head over there. This. That’s some deception right there. I wonder if your DH told your mil that he and your daughters had gone behind your back like that.

My question 2ould be - were following the rules to try and flatten the curve not just to obey the PM, and who were me and my friend (or your family) hurting? Well if neither of you are infected, then no-one. So let’s hope she didn’t get infected before she packed up your bag of birthday presents and books to borrow. And let’s hope you haven’t picked up the infection from touching the bits in the bag. And let’s hope you don’t need to go to the supermarket in the next 14 days.

I think lots of people are so caught up in the fact that they can go out that they’re not stopping to think about whether or not they should go out. And there seems to be two distinct camps forming between the curtain twitchers ringing the police to report their neighbours going out to buy a loaf of bread and the people who are doing things like having drinks on driveways and finding reasons for why the rules can be bent for what they want to do because they can’t see the harm in it. Both groups thinking that they’re better than the other. Neither group realising that they’re making the other group worse and that, actually, they’re all a bunch of dicks.

If you don’t want to believe what the government says then fair enough, I agree with you. But how many videos of crying and exhausted nurses and doctors begging you to stay indoors do you need to see before it sinks in that you’ve just got to suck it up for a few weeks?

There is a way to make this work- but only if there is access to your MIL garden without going through their house ie side access. And provided they could group chairs in the back garden so that more than 6 ft between households, with your lot sitting downwind of MIL. And MIL would have to pour their drinks first then put for you to pick up, all your lot use disposable glasses and when finished you put the bottle in the bin. Nothing you touch should go back to them. Not sure what to do about the chairs you use. Obviously you can't use their loo because that would mean going in their house. You'd need to run this whole thing by everyone first. So not easy, but possible -and people will still think you're doing it wrong, or copy you and get something wrong themselves. Please don't take this as officially advice, it's just how I think it might work.

Wake and Bake
Matt Hancock also said that nursing staff were using too much PPE during a shift! So, I wouldn't completely take what he says as gospel!
As for a " cautious relaxation of the rules" where do you draw the line as to what classes as acceptable in terms of "cautious relaxation" ?

It sounds like it was just a one-off, and normally everybody abides by the rules.

From what you say, it was quite responsibly done.

I've come to the conclusion that there are quite a few people who like judging others so that they can feel very virtuous about their own actions. This lockdown is probably going on for some time yet and if everybody starts feeling like they're being watched and judged it's going to become steadily more unpleasant.

So I spoke to DH about it and we can both see both sides of the argument. They all sat out on the front garden behind a big hedge, mil was on a bench by the front door, everyone else was at least 12 feet away sitting on the ground. Wine and glasses were placed on a table by mil who then retreated. Afterwards she wore gloves and all into dishwasher. No one went in the house. DH said it gave his Mum a real lift to see them and vice versa. I do think they were careful and I do agree mental health is important but I still don't think they should have done it and have made clear it shouldn't happen again which DH understood the reasons for.

And did he explain when he and his mother planned it? And why he had kept it secret? And whether he thought he was handing you a fait accompli that you would submit to?

I've come to the conclusion that there are quite a few people who like judging others so that they can feel very virtuous about their own actions

And a lot of people find those that flout or bend the rules in the face of so much hardship and grief pretty outrageous and very annoying.

I can't believe someone said "Matt Hancock said" and wasn't joking! Why would you trust what a politician says at this time?!

But as for OP, it wouldn't bother me to be honest. I can't see how it would hurt... unless they're sharing the bottle or not keeping the distance

Although I'd be livid about the obvious deception