AIBU to be p***ed off with DH

[fourseatsandasteeringwheel]

Every day it feels like DH and DS (12) argue.
DS is really good and very helpful and patient with DD (3) most of the time. When she is awful to him and occasionally he gets cross with her DH will automatically blame DS.

DH and DS share interests so talk about those frequently. But when they banter or play fight DH always says DS takes it too far. My argument is DH is the adult and should control his reaction to DS's behaviour rather than escalating the situation.

Today we were all playing a game together (DH and DS are both competitive people) DS won some games, DH won some and I won some. DS won a game and nudged DH. DH then pushed DS who staggered back a few steps. DS then stormed off.

I said to DH that I am fed up of every nice time we spend together always being spoiled by the two of them then left the room.

DH came to see me shortly after to ask when my bad mood would be over.

AIBU to be mad at him and think as the adult he is more to blame than DS?

If it is relevant I will say DH has raised DS from age 5. DS calls him dad and DH says son. DD is biologically DH's child.

Post edited by MNHQ

I didn't realise that word was a racially offensive word like the N word. It is not a word I use anyway but I will keep that in mind for the future.

However, the OP said that's what her DH said to her as in he was insulting her so she wasn't being offensive herself she was just repeating what her DH had said. If she had put P*y then it could have meant a range of things.

It’s your DH that is spoiling things, not “the two of them” (DH And DS)

@Poppi89 I’ve dealt with the inverted commas and their probable meaning upthread.

I see mumsnet HQ has finally seen fit to edit the post to remove the term. It is offensive even in repetition and its use needs to be challenged at every cut and turn.

We’ve come a long way from the idea of the “backward Irish” and I for one will not tolerate its insidious re-emergence.

@mnhq please deal.

@Smilebehappy123

Reported.

@Piglet89 you need to lighten up you sound like the school yard grass
Iv never ever in my life heard anybody refer to the word paddy as offensive , it's a word I misr hear on a daily basis , actually heard it this morning in supermarket
Such and such threw a right paddy I think was the expression
If you look hard enough you could find offense in anything

@Piglet89

Your H is a twat. He should have been out the second after he laid a finger on your son.

@Smilebehappy123 - you are an ignorama.

@piglet89 dont I might cry 🤣🤣🙈
Oh wait no I wont as words on an internet forum do not offend me 😁

Would be having serious conversations about this, why are you allowing this sort of behaviour to carry on? Are you also nervoisnof your DH?

I’m British Pakistani and I find the word ‘paki’ deeply offensive.

I find the expression ‘to throw a paddy’ to be deeply offensive too and would never use it.

Once we learn that a word or phrase upsets a nationality/culture then we should stop using it.

My DH is stepdad to my two now grown up dc. He’s known them since they were 10 and 8 and there’s never even been an argument.

Your H is an arse who shouldn’t be pushing your son.

Your DS quill be growing into his adult male strength frighteningly soon and he needs a good model for how to handle it. A man who pushes him is not being a good model. Does your DH want your DS to treat his DS the same way? Time is running out for getting this straight. You could spell out to your DP that he has an important role in showing his DSS how a good man handles competition and his emotions and ask whether he would be happy for the boy to copy some of his own recent behaviour! Your DS will be strong enough to push back before long and that won't help anyone.

Sadly, before I even read to the bottom I thought I bet he is the stepdad

Yes me too. He absolutely shouldn’t have pushed him hard enough to make him stagger back.

I also knew from the off he would be a stepdad. And a dick, you need to stand up for your son!!

Yes, me too

I knew it'd be the stepdad too.

YIP... me too... every flippin time...

Stand up for your Son OP... NOW

Thanks @Mephisto