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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask for your silly jokes

62 replies

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 10/04/2020 15:16

for 11 year old DS1. He had a minor heart attack a few days ago. No one knows why, but suspect its related to his floppy valves. (Mitral and aortic regurgitation)
He's home now, but still very weak and tired.
There's nothing we can do other than hope it doesn't happen again. His cardiologist will be in touch to make an appointment once its safe to do so and luckily there doesn't appear to be any lasting damage.

I really want to cheer him up and he loves a silly joke, so hit me with your best.

OP posts:
needsleepz · 10/04/2020 19:13

Who's the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultra-sound guy 😎

SuperFurryDoggy · 10/04/2020 19:15

Poor HerRoyalCarbyLess-Junior. I hope he has a very speedy recovery.

This is a bit long, but it was my favourite joke when I was 11...

A travelling salesman drove past a farm one day and noticed a pig with one wooden leg. He didn't think much of it until a week later, driving by the same farm, the pig had two wooden legs. The third week, the pig had three wooden legs, and finally, after seeing the pig the fourth week with four wooden legs, he had to stop to inquire about it.

He tracked down the farmer and asked him about the strange sight. The farmer told him, "Well, that's the greatest pig alive. About a month ago, he saved my wife and kids and me from our burning house by waking us up in the middle of the night just in time to escape without any harm!"

The salesman continue to prod the farmer about the pig's wooden legs. "Well," the farmer replied, "this pig is just like one of the family. He's a really great pig. A couple of weeks ago, our youngest boy fell in the creek, and this truly wonderful pig fished him out just in time to save him from drowning! He's one really great pig!"

The salesman, starting to lose his patience, again inquired about the wooden legs, to which the farmer replied, "Last week, I fell off my horse and my foot got caught up in the stirrup. This great pig ran along side of the horse and me and untangled me and truly saved my life. What a great pig - the greatest pig in the world!!"

Losing his patience, the salesman finally shouted, "All right already, That's enough! He's a really great pig - a REALLY great pig! But what about his wooden legs?!"

To which the farmer replied, "Well now, a great pig like that - you don't eat him all at once!"

SuperFurryDoggy · 10/04/2020 19:17

Another favourite (also long I’m afraid!)

An airliner is flying accross country, when the pilot comes on the PA to announce, "we have some bad news. One of the engines just failed and as a result, we will be delayed by 30 minutes."

A bit later, the pilot returns, "we have some more bad news. Another engine just failed, and we will be delayed an additional hour."

Another bit later, "Sorry folks, more bad news. A third engine just failed, and so, since we will be running only on the one remaining engine, the flight will be delayed by another two hours."

At this point, a disgruntled passenger turns to his neighbor and says, "I sure hope that last engine keeps working or else we'll be up here all night!"

Warsawa31 · 10/04/2020 19:18

I went to a restaurant on the moon last night. Food was great but there was no atmosphere

iklboo · 10/04/2020 19:20

What do you call a droid that takes the long way round?

R2 Detour

ElloElloVera · 10/04/2020 19:20

What should you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it man!!!!

Grin

Hope your DS is better soon Flowers

Raera · 10/04/2020 19:28

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird

Very sad to report that two weeks into isolation it is so upsetting to see my wife standing at the window gazing aimlessly into space, tears running down her cheeks.

It breaks my heart to see her like this, I have even considered letting her in...........But rules is rules.

BlackeyedSusan · 10/04/2020 19:35

Two pieces of tarmac in a bar. First piece boasts she is from the M1 and is really hard as she has hundreds of cars and lorries roll over he every day.

Second piece of tarmac boasts that she is harder as she is from the M25 and has thousands of lorries and cars running over her.

A little later a green piece of tarmac saunters in. Both the other pieces of tarmac go pale with fright.

Barman asks what's wrong as they are so hard...

They reply, we're hard but she's a cyclepath...

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 10/04/2020 19:40

Kind of cheese hides a horse?
Mascarpone

What cheese tempts a bear?
Camembert

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?
Tennish

A magic tractor was going down a road and turned into a field.

0nwardsAndUpwards · 10/04/2020 19:43

What's blue and fluffy?
Blue fluff.

What's pink and fluffy?
Blue fluff holding its breath Grin

HandfulOfFlowers · 10/04/2020 19:44

What happened when the ninja fell over?

He suffered a-ninja-ry

WarmSausageTea · 10/04/2020 19:48

@DeanHardscrabble Blush Grin

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 10/04/2020 19:49

Hope your son is OK, it must have been extremely scary for all of you, here's my 2 very pathetic favourite jokes that make my kids roll their eyes...
What do you get when you cross a phone and a dog....
A golden receiver!!! 😂 😂 😂
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes...
A doyouthinkhesawus!!! 😂 😂 😂 😂

babydungarees · 10/04/2020 19:51

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

BrownOwlknowsbest · 10/04/2020 20:01

What is brown and steaming and comes out of cows?
The Isle of White steamer
What kind of sugar do you find under the sofa?
Caster sugar
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with
Why do elephants paint heir toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No? well that just proves it works!

73kittycat73 · 10/04/2020 20:09

Why did Tigger put his head down the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 10/04/2020 20:21

Grin he's playing Minecraft with my brother and laughing his head off while repeating the jokes to him GrinGrinGrin
My brother is texting me at the same time to tell me how silly DS1 is Grin

OP posts:
iklboo · 10/04/2020 20:54

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi!

What's the tallest cheese?

Stilt-on

What did the Terminator say to the cheese?

I'll Brie back

What does the Terminator have for tea?

Pasta La Vista, baby

PurpleBag · 10/04/2020 20:55

Who's the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultra-sound guy 😎

Who's the second coolest person in the hospital?

The hip replacement guy!

0nwardsAndUpwards · 10/04/2020 21:13

Oh nooo have just realised I've wrote my joke the wrong way round Grin whoops!

I was wrestling a 2 year old into the bath at the time...

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/04/2020 21:50

The Fine Art Society are finding the current circumstances very challenging for securing funds - so they're convened an emergency virtual meeting and have decided to fine Art Garfunkel £3,000 and Art Malik £5,000.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/04/2020 21:50

*they've

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/04/2020 22:00

A big classic rock revival concert was planned to be held in the grounds of Scone Palace. Sadly, it had to be cancelled, as nobody could decide whether The Jam or Cream should go on first.

I got a job working in security at a 90s music festival and things very nearly turned nasty when Steps and Jamiroquai had a big argument. They were about to come to blows. Thankfully, it was prevented when I managed to get in between H and JK.

EatShitBoswell · 10/04/2020 22:26

Can someone explain the cows after birth joke to me 

I love these, silly jokes make me so happy 🤣 @0nwardsAndUpwards the blue fluff joke really tickled me!!
My 2 fav silly jokes:

Why did the bakers hands smell?
-He kneaded a poo

A man walked into a bar .... ouch!!

penguingorl · 10/04/2020 22:48

Dyslexic man walks in to a bra..

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy?
He was too far out, man.

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