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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help settle an argument between DH and I

56 replies

Guiltyfeminist1 · 10/04/2020 10:41

One of our fathers (in his 80s, very healthy and active) wants us to buy a big tub of paint for him and leave it at the bottom of our driveway. He will come and pick it up without seeing or speaking to us. He loves driving and to get to our house and back to his again it is around a 2 and a half hour round trip and he will be completely on his own in the car. The trip is through very beautiful and very rural roads. The father has been told numerous times (literally over 20) we are uncomfortable doing this this but he is absolutely adamant and will not take no for an answer.

Which of us do you agree with?

YABU - give in to the father's request as it will give him something to do for the day (long drive) and then allow him to complete some DIY as he is climbing the walls.

YANBU - stand up to the father as it is non-essential travel and suggest he buy the tin of paint from a shop near him.

OP posts:
Neverender · 10/04/2020 10:43

Neither - can you order online and have it delivered to him?

CastleCrasher · 10/04/2020 10:44

Is there nowhere local that would deliver it for him? That would seem like the best option all round. Paint isn't an essential, but if it means that someone vulnerable isn't making trips out.... I know locally I've seen lots of hardware type stores advertising on Facebook etc that they'll deliver, maybe check his area for him?

Windyatthebeach · 10/04/2020 10:44

If he crashes he will be taken to a hospital full of CV....
For a tin of paint??

LittleBearPad · 10/04/2020 10:45

Get it delivered or do click and collect at a B&Q near him. Why on earth would you need to buy it.

Craiglang · 10/04/2020 10:45

I agree with the PP. Have it delivered to him. It may take a couple of days but is the safest way. Picking up a tin of paint is not an essential journey.

LuluNamechangeForHelp · 10/04/2020 10:47

An 80 year old on a 2 hour journey alone at the best of times is not great.

Noone ever PLANS to have an ACCIDENT in the best case scenario he is having unnecessary contact at the petrol station. In a worse scenario exposing the recovery driver. In the worst scenario it's draining healthcare resources including ambulance and hospital resources.

If he is taken to a Corona filled hospital with a sprained wrist from a minor accident I wouldn't fancy his chances of remaining infection free.

2020changedtheworld · 10/04/2020 10:47

He loves driving

Tell him to drive to his nearest paint shop & stop hassling you.

keepingbees · 10/04/2020 10:47

Yanbu. It's non essential travel and that's a considerable trip. If he had an accident or breaks down then he's putting himself and others at risk.

AdoptAdaptImprove · 10/04/2020 10:48

Police are using ANPR to check whether cars on their roads are local. If not, they’re following and pulling them over, checking why they’re travelling, issuing fines and turning drivers around. Aside from the fact it’s obviously completely unnecessary and not legal, would Pa really want to go through all that for a nice drive and a can of paint?

See if you can get it delivered to him at home.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 10/04/2020 10:49

Since you are buying the paint I can't see why you just can't refuse

WickedlyPetite · 10/04/2020 10:51

What do you mean he will not take no for an answer? Confused

"No Dad, we're not buying the paint and we're not discussing it any more" and then end the phonecall any time he brings it up.

Original poster
Guiltyfeminist1 · 10/04/2020 10:52

He lives in a very rural place and they will not deliver paint to him.

OP posts:
luckylavender · 10/04/2020 10:53

Definitely unnecessary travel. Too far for anyone to drive currently.

Waveysnail · 10/04/2020 10:54

Phone shop near him and pay taxi to drop it off?

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 10/04/2020 10:55

Is the travel for essential shopping?
Is the travel for medical purposes?
Is it daily exercise?
Is the travel essential for him to care for someone?

It's 4 NOs from me.

Stand up to the father as it is non-essential travel but don't suggest he buys the tin of paint from a shop near him. It does not fall within the permitted rules. He should not be going out to a shop to buy paint at all.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 10/04/2020 10:56

Does he have neighbours? Will they be going shopping for food near a b&q or hardware shop that could pick up a click&collect order for him?

My dad has been quite cavalier about the whole thing but hearing about his nephew's wife who works on the ward where they are not treating people he has become a bit more serious about it all.

copycopypaste · 10/04/2020 10:58

It's not an essential trip so he shouldn't pick it up.

Can't he have it delivered, although I still think that's on the edge

Bluebooby · 10/04/2020 10:59

Could you/he order some to be delivered to a local pick up point? Most places have those I think. And then possible arrange a taxi to collect it from there?

LtJudyHopps · 10/04/2020 10:59

YANBU how ridiculous to drive all that way for paint! I assume he’ll need to get petrol at some point before or after as well? He can do click & collect at b&q, screw fix etc. if they won’t deliver to him. Or just live without the paint.

Casmama · 10/04/2020 11:00

it is absolutely clear that this is not acceptable for all the reasons outlined above. This is an adult not a child and he will have to take no for an answer. Its shit for everyone but we all need to follow the rules for the benefit of others as well as ourselves.

Ferfooksek · 10/04/2020 11:00

Going by our estate this morning, it’s fine. The amount of people I’ve seen standing at the windows to say hello is staggering.

MorganKitten · 10/04/2020 11:01

B&Q are doing click and collect if he HAS to drive
But better to do delivery

Enough4me · 10/04/2020 11:01

Non-essential is non-essential!

I wouldn't even let my mum post a Birthday card through our door (25 min drive but past her nearest supermarket). Instead she can pop in post to us while on walk for exercise.

0hbloodyhell · 10/04/2020 11:23

You can buy some paint on Amazon, sure they deliver everywhere...longer delivery times than usual quoted but I think most things are getting out sooner than quoted.

Original poster
Guiltyfeminist1 · 10/04/2020 11:40

I've shown him this thread and my husband now says I am investing too much in the opinions of random people on the internet and that there's limited harm in what his dad wants to do. I don't want it to become a huge argument but I'm so angry that he's agreeing to flout the rules like this and possibly put people in danger all for a bloody tin of paint. He thinks I'm being ridiculous - even after seeing these responses. He's a clever man so I don't understand how he can't see this isn't okay. Argh!

OP posts:
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