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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help settle an argument between DH and I

56 replies

Guiltyfeminist1 · 10/04/2020 10:41

One of our fathers (in his 80s, very healthy and active) wants us to buy a big tub of paint for him and leave it at the bottom of our driveway. He will come and pick it up without seeing or speaking to us. He loves driving and to get to our house and back to his again it is around a 2 and a half hour round trip and he will be completely on his own in the car. The trip is through very beautiful and very rural roads. The father has been told numerous times (literally over 20) we are uncomfortable doing this this but he is absolutely adamant and will not take no for an answer.

Which of us do you agree with?

YABU - give in to the father's request as it will give him something to do for the day (long drive) and then allow him to complete some DIY as he is climbing the walls.

YANBU - stand up to the father as it is non-essential travel and suggest he buy the tin of paint from a shop near him.

OP posts:
Amigoingmad29weeks · 10/04/2020 11:44

My husband has a way of going in to total denial about stuff atm. He's extremely clever. But also likes an easy life.

pudcat · 10/04/2020 11:47

The police are stopping cars and asking them where they are going and where they are from. Scenic coastal and rural area. Then making them turn round and go home again

onalongsabbatical · 10/04/2020 11:49

You could phone his local cops and ask them to ring him and tell him off.
Might work! They just think they're immune/doing nothing wrong these kinds, I think. Being told 'no' by the police might shock him!

endofthelinefinally · 10/04/2020 11:49

Is he likely to fall off a ladder once/if he gets the paint?
I am all for people keeping busy during lock down, but maybe a bit of gentle gardening or the other sort of painting (pictures) might be safer?

I also agree that getting the paint delivered to a local pick up point would be better. If he really insists on having it.

Marnie76 · 10/04/2020 11:49

Even if he’s rural, surely there’s somewhere closer than two and a half hours! But that’s irrelevant. It’s clearly stated that travel must be essential and this is not. If the police stop him he may get a fine. It’s also very selfish.
There is nothing about this that’s not wrong.

tiredanddangerous · 10/04/2020 11:50

If he gets stopped by the police he’ll be in trouble. As will you potentially!

Sweettruelies · 10/04/2020 11:53

Is it any wonder more men are dying of cv than women with attitudes like this?

If he can’t get any paint then he doesn’t decorate.

NoMoreDickheads · 10/04/2020 11:54

I don't see that it would do any harm as he'll be in the car the whole time and won't be at risk or putting anyone else at risk.

Picking up an item without contact with anyone is very low risk.

Put a loaf of bread or something with it and it's collecting essential items, which is allowed. Smile

The only think he might have to worry about is police roads blocks, but they're quite rare and he could say he's picking up some food from you.

JudyCoolibar · 10/04/2020 11:57

This is ludicrous. Surely he can get paint without that sort of drive? If they really won't deliver to his address, is there something like a village store that they will deliver to (that is open) where he could collect it?

If that's not possible, he'll have to find another way of occupying himself.

JudyCoolibar · 10/04/2020 11:59

NotMoreDickheads, there's increased risk in OP or her husband going out to buy the paint, and in an 80 year old driving that distance when (a) he will have to go out and get petrol more quickly and (b) there is a risk of breakdowns or an accident.

Marnie76 · 10/04/2020 12:01

NoMoreDickheads - well I think I just spotted one

Embracelife · 10/04/2020 12:05

He is looking for an excuse to drive.
Dont give him one.
If he still chooses to drive and crashes you wont feel guilty because you didn't encourage him
You can get paint delivered to him.
Or someone more local can get it. What s the distance to his nearest neighbour? We are not in United states or Russia...
So within ten or 20 minutes max?

MyCatHatesEverybody · 10/04/2020 12:06

Fucksake no wonder we're fucked when there are still people voting YABU even though this scenario is clearly against lockdown instructions.

Silentplikebath · 10/04/2020 12:13

YANBU

Being bored is not a good enough reason to take a risk by driving a long distance to collect paint. Ask your DH what part of no doesn’t he understand?

If FIL needs something to do, tell him to deep clean the whole house (including vacuuming the mattress).

NearlyGranny · 10/04/2020 12:18

It baffles me that otherwise intelligent people can totally fail to see that the same rules apply to everyone. Unless your DH and his DF are marmosets, they are vulnerable - especially FiL in his 80s - and need to keep the rules.

FiL may not be able to finish his project if there really is no home delivery or nearby click and collect facility (he can't be on the Isles of Scilly or in the Outer Hebrides if he has a long drive to yours) he needs to put the project to one side and find another!

Tell him to think of Ann Frank or the Blitz or the (expletive deleted) black death, count himself lucky and stop being a drama llama. Your DH should not be arguing with you about this, nor should he be pandering to or encouraging his DF. It's perfectly clearcut.

Does he really want them both to feature in a police report or your local rags for neighbours and friends to tut over?

TiredofSM · 10/04/2020 12:20

I wouldn’t be any part of this.
Did you see the article about the caravan driver who had an accident on the motorway? I’ll caveat that he was fine, but he held up the traffic for hours - probably full of key workers on their way to work, food delivery drivers etc. The police are going to fine him, they’ve also ‘shamed’ him online.
Also the point someone made above about if the accident resulted in hospitalisation the exposure to CV and taking resources away from the fight.
Not to mention if he needs to stop for petrol, a wee etc.
There’s just so many reasons why it isn’t ok.

keepingbees · 10/04/2020 12:22

Tel your husband any one of these 'random people on the internet' are all potential victims of his and his fathers selfish stupidity. Therefore we have a right to an opinion.

Standrewsschool · 10/04/2020 12:27

Who won’t deliver to him? Find another supplier! Or get it delivered to you, and you post it to him.

I would’ve like an 80+ driving two hours in any circumstance!

emilybrontescorsett · 10/04/2020 12:27

Bloody hell I mentioned on another thread near me, semi rural, people are driving o me maniacs.
So many seem To have lost their minds and are behaving as if the least time they spend obeying the speed limits the better they are.
I've commented to dh it won't be long before There is a serious accident and those in the vehicles will not survive.
Making a 2.5 hour car journey for a tin of paint stupid. I hope if he does he gets stopped by the police . I would love to be out and about but I am sticking to the rules.

Alfiemoon1 · 10/04/2020 12:29

The police will be out in force this weekend stopping people driving unnecessarily so he may end up in trouble

Is there no other way for him to paint amazon delivery or somewhere local

Howyiz · 10/04/2020 12:34

Is your fil going to drive 4 solid hours without any type of break? Will he not want to stop for petrol, a snack, to use the restroom somewhere?

Poppi89 · 10/04/2020 12:34

I wouldn't do this even if there wasn't a pandemic!

Is there nothing else he can spend his time doing? Is there a FB group local to him that can have the paint delivered to theirs and then he picks it up from there?

Appuskidu · 10/04/2020 12:36

What do you mean he won’t take no for an answer. If you don’t buy the paint, this just won’t happen.

Order it online to come to his house.

lastqueenofscotland · 10/04/2020 12:39

Honestly if my mother told me she was going to this I would tell her she was being utterly ridiculous and refuse to engage in any further conversation regarding this, and would hang up calls etc if necessary.

vanillandhoney · 10/04/2020 12:41

We've been out to buy paint, but the shop is directly over the road from Tesco so we didn't go as an additional journey. We went on the way to the supermarket.

Personally I don't see an issue with buying DIY things like paint - the shops are open and trading at the end of the day. But, it's not important enough to warrant a 4 hour round trip.

Incidentally, where does he live that nobody will deliver to him? You can buy paint off Amazon!

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