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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kicked my the rat bag DH out during corona

57 replies

Brainengaged1 · 10/04/2020 07:32

He cheated on me before the pandemic broke out by visiting a site for people looking for Marital affairs . We tried to work things out , but then corona broke out , and we couldn’t access mediation- so we’re stuck in same house taking about divorce / separation. He says he wanted me back then our house got vandalised, by whom we don’t know . I have just found out that he had just joined another dating site messaging during corona lock down so he can make his moves post corona . This was just three days ago.

I kicked him out yesterday on the ‘discovery day ‘ and the day he told our ds that were were going to go our Separate ways

He is in a vacant property that we have together so no risk to anyone except the unfortunate women who may inherit him

OP posts:
Queenest · 10/04/2020 10:16

Well done OP. You deserve so much better.

Deblou43 · 10/04/2020 10:22

Well done and a strong move be proud

Mulhollandmagoo · 10/04/2020 10:35

@Balhammom could you clarify why you feel that's inappropriate?

Pavlova31 · 10/04/2020 10:38

Well done Op .

jojobar · 10/04/2020 10:41

He has somewhere else to go, so I don't see an issue.

Well done for getting rid!

I've also parted ways this week after a 6 year relationship because he physically pushed me in an argument. Not hard, didn't hurt but crossed a line. He left of his own accord luckily and has gone back to his own home several hundred miles away.

MayFayner · 10/04/2020 10:41

Seems balhammon just looked at the title and then rushed in to post their 2 cents without reading the opening post Hmm

Well done, OP. You sound strong.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/04/2020 10:48

He cheated on me before the pandemic broke out by visiting a site for people looking for Marital affairs

Genuinely asking here because I think I may be behind the times. But is it truly considered to be cheating if you just visit a website?

I can understand it being called, showing intent to cheat or curiosity and being tempted to cheat, but not cheating.

lowlandLucky · 10/04/2020 10:55

Well done you. Your life starts today Flowers

Hoarder123 · 10/04/2020 10:56

The only think you have been unfair about, was having an empty house when there are so many homeless people.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 10/04/2020 11:11

The only think you have been unfair about, was having an empty house when there are so many homeless people.

Wise up.

Elieza · 10/04/2020 11:12

Good for you. Another man thinking with his dick. You did the right thing for sure.

Nanny0gg · 10/04/2020 11:25

@Hoarder123

Did you pick your username for a reason?

SirGawain · 10/04/2020 11:37

Genuinely asking here because I think I may be behind the times. But is it truly considered to be cheating if you just visit a website?
If the OP finds such conduct unacceptable that it is unacceptable.It doesn't matter what other people call it.

HoppingPavlova · 10/04/2020 11:39

Well done

depressedindoors · 10/04/2020 11:42

@PlanDeRaccordement I assumed he'd met up with someone through the site. I could be wrong?

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/04/2020 11:43

SirGawain, you did not answer my question. I have no issue with the behaviour being unacceptable and a reason to end the marriage. That is the OPs decision/choice entirely.

I am just a bit startled to see the act of visiting a website being called “cheating”. Is that the common view now? If your partner had gone to a dating or affair website, would you call that cheating?

The way I grew up, cheating only refers to having a real life affair with another woman/man.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/04/2020 11:47

Depressed indoors....

Yes it could be the case the OPs DH had actually used the website to have an affair, but why did the OP not say that?

I mostly come here to stay fluent in English, so maybe I am too literal and not reading between the lines as expected?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2020 11:54

Well done OP. Things would just have got worse had you let him off with this, and as you say - he is putting the entire family at risk, not just himself.

I've also parted ways this week after a 6 year relationship because he physically pushed me in an argument. Not hard, didn't hurt but crossed a line. He left of his own accord luckily and has gone back to his own home several hundred miles away.

Good thing, too - as you say, once that line is crossed, there is no going back. He has gone beyond a limit and the next time will be worse, and the next worse again. And believe me - there WILL be a next time.

Genuinely asking here because I think I may be behind the times. But is it truly considered to be cheating if you just visit a website?

It would knock me sick and break my heart if I discovered DH doing this - so yes, I would consider it cheating.

Cagedbirdsinging · 10/04/2020 12:11
Wine
Hingeandbracket · 10/04/2020 12:22
Hmm
Original poster
Brainengaged1 · 10/04/2020 13:49

@Hoarder123
I’m not lady of he manor type having two properties , while people are homeless - what kind of judgement is go on from you please....

We had moved out of our marital home and are renting a property while building works are underway . This was going to be OUR dream home

@PlanDeRaccordement

he was cheating with others on the marital site as I saw text messages about their kissing and other intimate chats , which suggested it had gone further .

Cheating is an infidelity done by deceiving the other person either in an emotional sexual or financial way . Think I fall into all three categories .

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 10/04/2020 16:15

How are the kids taking it, OP? I hope you and your kids are ok and get out to enjoy a bit of sunshine.

Original poster
Brainengaged1 · 10/04/2020 16:49

@totally.

Surprisingly very well . We have just come back from a walk and we were dreaming about which houses we could move to when this is over . I think I it’s healthy to imagine a positive future and for my ds to I shine me gardening in a house that’s I am happy in ,humming to myself .

OP posts:
Hoarder123 · 10/04/2020 18:00

@Brainengaged1 “We had moved out of our marital home and are renting a property while building works are underway.”
Apologies for getting it wrong.
Your husband doesn’t deserve his family after his behaviour. You were right to kick him out.

CircleofWillis · 10/04/2020 19:04

We had moved out of our marital home and are renting a property while building works are underway.

Ahh now I understand what you meant when you wrote this bit earlier in the thread.

Yes we are both on property deeds and I can move back in any time I want to , I haven’t forfeited my rights ( got advice before I kicked him out )